Lost..

[Corey7796]

I lost the love of my life on Christmas day 2016. She had multiple sclerosis since 2000, but really went down hill in 2014. She had to have care almost 24 hours a day.  My gut is in wreck, can't sleep it seems like every time I close my eyes I see her beautiful face. She was my best friend and feel completely lost and don't know what to do with myslf.  Any advice welcome!!

[Wheelerswife]

Hi, Corey7796,

 

I'm so sorry you had to join our club. My first husband was disabled from a genetic neuromuscular disease and he required 24 hour care at the end of his life, too. It was really difficult to accept that I couldn't keep him alive any longer. After spending all of my non-working time with him, I found that I didn't know what to do with myself. I needed thie first months of time to let the reality sink in. He was gone.

 

At this point, you may be in a similar situation. I wanted to be with people, and then I didn't want to be with anyone.  Fortunately, I found the website that was the precursor to this site and with it, others who understood what I was feeling.

 

I hope you feel comfortable expressing yourself here and you can make connections with others here, especially those in a similar timeframe.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[calimom]

Welcome, Corey. The love you show is so evident. I wish you well in the days ahead.

[Mizpah]

From 5 1/2 years out, my advice is to allow yourself to grieve.  Try to keep things/your life simple.  If therapy is available, avail yourself of it.  Any friend who is there for you, take it.  Talk to those with open ears/hearts.  Write (about her and about your love and loss and your experience) if it helps you.  Create healthy rituals that give your days structure.  Think of ways to honor her that make you feel good.  Try to get sunshine, physical exertion, hydration, and nutrition.  Try not to pressure yourself to "do well" or feel better than you do, but also don't deny yourself good feelings when they come, whether it be for a fleeting moment or a day or longer.  I remember the first time I felt happy after DH died - it was about 5 months out, I was out on the sidewalk watching the marathoners go by in NYC (the wheelchairs go first, and I was so moved by their drive and strength - internal I mean, the inspiring aspect of it).  I was standing alone in the sun, and the excitement of the day, the simplicity of it, got me a tad teary, and I smiled.  For a few minutes, I knew happiness again, and knew that light in me would continue to grow, in fits and starts, gradually.  The simple pleasures and beauties outside ourselves still exist (I spent a lot of time staring at the sky, rivers, trees), and in the beginning that can be painful, but those tiny moments can also save us.  I'm thinking of you, and wishing you moments of comfort and solace. 

[WarriorModeMom]

Corey-

 

I am so sorry that you, too, have joined this club nobody wants to join or have to welcome another member.....

 

There are many days where life is a fog.  My husband and I had a pretty good run for nearly 18 years.  We were inseparable for the most part and had so much in common.  Life -- even with children -- was mostly even keel for us.  To have that taken away is beyond words.

 

It doesn't help that my husband was being treated out of state for most of last year before he died.  But I guess, having had that experience of dealing with day-to-day activities and child wrangling sans spouse, helped to prepare for the inevitable. 

 

I am pretty new to this forum, as well. I hope to learn a lot from those who have travelled down this path before me.  I hope that I will be able to provide some insight, as well.

[Adley]

Man, you've got a long ride ahead of you. I can't sugarcoat it. Reach out to me or any of us if you need to. It's hard, but we have all survived and you will too. You may have to say the hell with handling personal business for a while or you may have to throw yourself into it. Do what YOU need to, without too much regard for the opinion of those around you in real life. Strength and solidarity- Adley

[Julester3]

Sorry you are joining us here. There is a lot of good advice mentioned already and I heartily agree. Sometimes just looking through and reading posts here will resonate with you and give you food for thought. We are here to listen and know we totally get it since we are all walking the same path except each of us in our own unique way, space and time. There is no race and there is no time schedule except what works for you. May you find some serenity  and take care.