Navigating the waters of new relationships when SO has limited child time

[arneal]

Good for you, tybec! It's a process ...

[tybec]

My mother died in the wee hours Wed. morning.  I had spent the night there and left late and then she passed.  I am okay.  It has been the long goodbye and i have been grieving for a while, years, possibly, seeing her change and deteriorate.  It is odd, but her death was natural, old age, worn out body.  NOT a tragedy.

 

NG has been good with what I need.  I couldn't talk to him Wed. and told him so.  I needed to get things done.  Two brothers ended up here to assist.  And now we have a later planned service, but not planned.  Just strange.  I appreciate his support but listening to my needs.  I am moody with him,  and he gets it.

 

Hope to have some time with him this weekend. 

[Trying]

I'm glad your mom is finally at peace and that you were able to be there for her for so long.  Sending you hugs as you face these tough days ahead.

[arneal]

Blessings to you, tybec.

[sojourner]

I understand what you're saying with your mom's passing as being a natural thing. In the time since my husband's death, most of my remaining aunts and uncles, along with my father, passed over. All in their upper 80's to upper 90's, and most with one degree or another of dementia... An appropriate lifespan, and all ready to move on, compared to him. Yet, I still miss their presence, as I'm sure you'll miss your  mom's. Peace to you.

 

 

 

[trying2breathe]

Glad that your mom is at rest now, and good that family is there.  Hugs to you and peace in the days ahead. 

[Abitlost]

My condolences, tybec. Losing a parent is tough, even if it's natural and expected.

 

Wishing you peace,

 

abl

[tybec]

Thank you for the condolences, all.  I know I not a crying mess, but grieving.  I am moody and anxious.  Out of sorts as not having a service at this time makes for no ending of this.  I have posted the obit to be placed in the papers of her hometown, my hometown of 23 yrs. where she worked. I expect the holidays to be sad.

 

I moved her to this new town for care in March and here we are, 8 months later, and she has died.  I have lived here 3 months. NG lives here, also.  We are figuring out our new lives living in the same town versus the long distance dating.

 

We changed plans with moving in due to his circumstances with his children and custody.  That has been a very good choice, to wait.

 

Well, he has tagged me here and there on FB when we do activities together.  We haven't posted a picture together yet, my decision.  I have been fickle about acknowledging us as a couple on FB.  Not sure why.  He has said he didn't need it but would do so if I wanted.  I wanted to wait until I moved here.  Well, then I wanted to wait longer for some reason.  Well, I brought it up  a couple days of go, and he again said he would do so if I needed to have it.  I, of course, did not want to publicly state that, feeling it was a bit juvenile but also wanting it some way.  I know, emotional.  Well, he just did it last night.  I have a long list of folks making comments, congratulating us.  He does as well.  It is just strange, this media world.  I am still feeling mixed about it.  Why did I need it?  Why did I not want to? But then was ambivalent. OM, these feelings.

[Trying]

The grief for you mom won't look like the grief for your DH but don't minimize it.  Be gentle with yourself during this time and be patient with the mood swings and emotions. You have had quite a year with selling your home, moving, being a caregiver for your mom, navigating a new relationship and now your mom's death.  It's probably not a great time to analyze your relationship with NG with any real clarity.  Take what support he can offer but take care of yourself.  We can be strong and fragile at the same time.

[tybec]

Trying,

 

Thank you for your wise words.  I agree.  I just need to be for a while.

 

I do have legal things to take care of, and I start my new job in Jan., as they were willing to wait.  I have 3 brothers, and I foresee some challenges in the future decisions I didn't anticipate.  I have taken care of my mom for the 10 yrs she lived in my town.  And now we have a family farm between us.  Oh boy.

 

I am thankful my son seems to be adapting well here.  We ate lunch with a mom and kid he bunked with at camp before moving here.  His friend lost his dad to cancer a few years ago, plays the same instrument in school, is on the same academic track (mom is a professor here at the regional university).  I don't believe in coincidences and the fact my son befriended this teen and now we attend the same church in the same town is wonderful.   

 

Thank you again.  You have wise words.

 

 

 

[tybec]

Getting excited for Thanksgiving.  Flying (haven't flown in 5 years!) to Texas and will be with family. My back up for my son, my nephew who is only 9 yrs younger, his wife and two kids, and my brother/sil are hosting.  It will be a new scene, maybe a new tradition?  IDK, but excited.

 

NG and his boys fly down the next day and stay at his mother's.  We will cross paths on Friday, maybe Sat, but that may be it.  And I am okay with it.  I need to be with my family, and we will grieve my mother's death, as this brother was not present.  We will play silly games and just be.  Not stressful.

 

NG and I went to see Guns n Roses Monday night.  Not my fav, but he loved it.  We didn't see each other until last night and he and his sons came for dinner and played games.  I am feeling cool about it.  This may be it for a while.  My desire to move and be together under the same roof has subsided.  I don't know what it means, but I feel better with less anxiety.  So, we continue to get to know each other.

 

Oh, he went to court Wed.  And they delayed it until MARCH.  So no decision about custody or any changes.  He is happy to have his contempt of court lumped into the March custody review.  Less focus he kept his kids overnight instead of giving them up to the maternal grandparents because mom is a career administrator educator, now.  Yes, the grandparents get more time than the biological father....

 

So, we will date, see each, get together.  No changes until after March at least, and that gives plenty of time to see how we work.  We are FB official, but wedding bound, not so much.  And I am relaxed...

[daysofelijah]

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. And glad to hear things are looking up and you are feeling content in the situation. Your Thanksgiving plans sound nice.

 

NG and I will spend Thanksgiving together and then I will be heading to the next state so my kids can spend some time with late dh's family. I would rather stay home, but I know the kids need time with their uncles and cousins.