gracelet Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Today, I've been feeling a bit teary and shit in the office. Initially, I attributed it to having a heavy weekend but actually, for a change, my weekend wasn't so alcohol fuelled! So what is it that's bugging me? I looked at the date about half an hour ago. It's exactly 18 months since Elle died. I think my subconscious registered this and it's now manifesting itself in anxiety and being on the brink of tears. I've been determined not to count the days or months since Elle died - it's not like she's MORE dead and, for me, it's important to look forward to my life, not back with sadness. As the song goes in Rent, I measure my life in love. Does anyone else get this? Feel sad without reason and then realise it's actually a significant date? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hachi Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 I get this Grace. I was determined to stop counting dates, as well. But it doesn't work that way. I call it "the calendar of the heart" and it just sneaks up on you on those days. Days that we really didn't pay alot of mind to in our marriage. Anniversaries, hallmark card days. Yeah, I have those "aha" moments every so often. (( grace )) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 My therapist (psychoanalyst/psychotherapist) used to tell me this is an actual, true phenomena. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ATJ Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 "The heart has reasons that reason does not understand." ~~ Jacques-Bénigne Bossuet Wishing you sweet and gentle moments when you remember Elle! ATJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hikermom Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Inevitably, when I'm feeling anxious and on edge or teary it is due to some anniversary. Sometimes it is related to my husband's death but it can also be other key times. I firmly believe my subconscious keeps track, even when I don't. (((grace)))- 18 months can be tough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Last week was 27 months, I woke up on Monday went about my day until half way through when I realized why I was in a funk despite having had a really good weekend. It was yet another 13th. You are not alone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracelet Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Thanks for your responses everyone. I'm feeling fine today! Calendar of the heart is an excellent way to describe it! How peculiar. As I say, I don't keep track so it was really weird for this to happen. Elle's birthday and my wedding anniversary are next month so I know to expect some emotional hiccups around then. Sigh. Don't know whether to take the days off work or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Hugs Grace. I'm glad you are feeling a bit better today. I have experienced the teary stuff too, and then realized it was a significant date later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
moncoeur Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 That has happened to me too. Things will seem to be find and then I will be depressed out of the blue and at one point I will look at the calendar and see it's the 14th and know why I am so sad. hugs hun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gracelet Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Now my consciousness has taken over. It's Elle's birthday next week and my wedding anniversary in a month. I never spent a wedding anniversary with her. She'll forever be 26. How can this be? I don't get it. Never in a million years did I think I'd be in this position, rebuilding, living, but without my love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 It is strange how our worst days seem to be around special dates without even realizing it. I try not to count the months either, but always seem to have my worst days around the 4th of the month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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