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Finally made it to the cemetery


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Ironically it was a year to the day from the last time I went.  But my best friend John went with me Saturday and I did SO good at first. I made a flower arrangement of red white and blue flowers for Memorial Day. I left some pennies on many other stones, arranged and fixed some flowers for some that had fallen over and left some extras I had on a few that had nothing. John helped me. But he did his job and that was to make sure I didn't stay too long; because last time I couldn't leave for hours and hours and felt compelled to read nearly every stone, tidy up the whole place as if I could.  The committal shelter is close to Chad's spot and there was a flag draped coffin in it.  It hit me in the gut.  I never did figure out why it was there, because they don't do services on Saturday there and no one was there at all anywhere and the office was closed.  But I couldn't take my eyes off it.  And I just started crying. HARD.  And all I could say over and over was that I hated him (Chad).  John always knows the right amount of coddling to do before making me suck it up and move on. He held me a good long while and then started joking with me some, and then finally just said, ok, you told me not to let you do this and I'm hungry so lets go eat. lol.  I owe so much to that man, he's the best friend I've ever had.  I really needed to do that, though I can't say exactly why but I'm glad I did. It looked pitiful with old faded flowers.  It's so cruel and I'm still so damn mad. But at least I didn't lay down in the mud this time right? :P

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