MissingSquish Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 I've been dipping my toes back into the online dating world again and met someone last night for coffee. The date didn't really go great, and I felt like I revealed way too much about myself to him. After the date, I went by myself to dinner. I sat at the bar and got into a conversation with this couple that sat next to me. Again, I revealed way too much about myself and even starting crying when I was talking about Squish. The woman proceeded to say that it's been too long (3 years) for me to still get upset like this, then also said I needed to put my sorrow "away" and needed to move on with my life. I hold my shit together most of the time. I never talk about Squish at work. I take decent care of myself, my home and my dog. I do a great job at work, though it's very exhasusting. I've been feeling weepy and vulnerable recently for a few different reasons (sadiversary coming up, recent breakup of my bf and I, ongoing crappy dates). Unfortunately she got into my head and I'm not feeling very confident on the person that I am projecting outside of work. I'm tired of feeling defeated about my future relationship prospects. I'm tired of missing Squish as much as I do still. I'm tired of therapy and self help books. I'm tired of feeling stuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Time to put your sorrow away, so says the lady sitting there with her couple partner. I imagine she meant well. Please don't let her comments make you feel bad about yourself, MS. Despite doing our best to move on with our lives, the sorrow remains and is more present sometimes than others. If she hasn't been through it, she probably can't grasp how it impacts each of us. I think given your recent break-up, it is understandable you'd be feeling more sad and discouraged lately. Sending you tight hugs... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 2, 2015 Author Share Posted May 2, 2015 Thanks for the encouragement and support SVS. Tight hugs right back at you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 Yes, don't feel bad about your actions - you have been through a lot and May is now upon us as is your 3rd year sadiversary. I hate advice from people who haven't lost anyone (like a spouse) as they really don't understand how long the grief lingers for. Please don't feel bad for revealing too much too soon - think we have all done it, and in fact I think I tell most people I am a widow....It helps me to talk about it. And remember you have worked hard to move on and maintain a very good attitude but as my grief therapist has pointed out to me several times - the missing someone and grief just doesn't "go away" even if you are "doing everything right". A break up with your bf doesn't help - I think I stayed home sick for two days and wept for weeks after my first "boyfriend" and I went our separate ways. Missing our late spouses isn't going to go away, even if we meet someone we click with but I hear you on being tired of it. Maybe take a quick hiatus from dating ? I found sometimes if I pushed through and kept dating when I was in my "down" phases, it wasn't helpful. Having been through it recently too, this "down" phase is tiring, upsetting but it will go away with time and I hope you feel better soon. The only advice I can give is to keep in touch, keep posting, keep your social calendar busy with people who are "good" for you right now and keep busy generally as well as pamper yourself ! Focus your energy on other things that make you happy right now and then maybe get back into dating once you feel the fortitude for it - as we all know, its not easy re-coupling but it will happen for us eventually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 2, 2015 Author Share Posted May 2, 2015 Thanks for the advice CW. Sending warm hugs to you as I know your sadiversary is coming up too. I think a break from dating is a good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted May 2, 2015 Share Posted May 2, 2015 It probably sounds it (a needed break). The weather, etc. it's not easy to get over a breakup (this I know too well). Except to say there are resons for splitting. Be easy on yourself. The harder I ever looked at prospects, the more confused my mind. Good people find each other. Don't need a dating site, unless that's what you prefer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 2, 2015 Author Share Posted May 2, 2015 Thanks so much look2thesky. Continuing to be gentle with myself is what I should focus on now. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 (( back 2 U )) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Haven't done it but Hugs to all of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted May 3, 2015 Share Posted May 3, 2015 Always remember that your feelings are valid. ((hugs)) To me it just sounds like you needed to voice your feelings out loud. There's nothing wrong with that. It's what you needed in that moment. Grief isn't something you 'tuck away' or 'get over.' It changes over time and we adjust to the changes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 3, 2015 Author Share Posted May 3, 2015 Thank you guys so much for your support. Went to ex-bf's house to drop off a few things today and I got super upset. It was probably a mistake, as he said a few things that made me question whether or not I was engaged in our relationship and fair with him. But widow friends and my cousin have set me straight. I know I was more than fair to him, and couldn't have interpreted him being MIA as a sign he was still working through his own grief. Escpecially that he didn't tell me before he went MIA that he just needed some space. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 That's why I don't drop off things to exes houses. Pick them up on the side of the house when I'm not there, Or better yet I'll send them to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Yeah, totally agree with you. In hindsight I shouldn't have done it. But there is nothing of his now left at my house and nothing of mine left at his. Sigh. At least I'm cooking myself dinner for the first time in weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Big hugs MissingSquish. Maybe you need a break from dating, therapy and self help books. Grief work is exhausting and I know sometimes I need a break. Do something fun or crazy just for you. Distract yourself, feed your soul, find something to laugh about. I doesn't make it go away but it's good to have a few moments to almost forget. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 Edited Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Thank you all. I appreciate all the widda love up in here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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