Wheelerswife Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Some days it is hard to believe that John has been gone for 16 months. It seems like it was just yesterday when I had that last Facetime conversation with him from half-way across the country...only to find out many hours later that he had died in his sleep shortly after that conversation. Many of you will remember my YWBB post announcing that John had died. I still don't even believe I had to write those words, "John died today." But it is true. It still breaks my heart. I just finished my last final exam of my first semester as a graduate student. Saturday, I will walk at graduation for the bachelor's degree I finished in December, 30 years after my first bachelor's. (Am I really that old?) John was the reason I went back to school. He offered to support me, allowing me to give up the career I had suddenly decided was finished, and dabble back in a world I had left in 1984 - academia. If it wasn't for him, I'd never have changed careers. When he died 16 months ago, I still had a year to go on my second degree and I still didn't have a new career path. I had tossed around the idea of grad school, but I had time to make more decisions. My life keeps moving forward, though, and school is my vehicle. In 3 more semesters, I will have my master's in Higher Education Student Affairs...and the beginnings of a new career path. My professor husband introduced me to the university environment. I've come to love this world, but he is no longer in it to share it with me. John loved this regional comprehensive university. The university loved him, too. Every day, there are reminders here of him. He has a tree planted in his memory, research events named for him, a scholarship, and several awards for faculty and students as well. They are all wonderful tributes to a man who contributed so much to this place. Still, they bring tears with the smiles when his name is called out or someone stops me to tell me that they miss him or they were thinking of him. Every day, I run in to one of his colleagues or another. Sometimes I get a knowing look or a hug or someone who honestly wants to know how I am doing. I wonder, though, if I can heal my broken heart if I stay in this place of constant reminders of what I lost and what this university lost when my husband died. I'm taking the summer to travel again. I'll return in August and continue work on my master's degree. I don't think my future will remain here, though. I just wish I knew what was going to be out there in another 18 months. I hope I can find a happy place again. I found incredible happiness after the loss of my first husband Barry. Right now, happiness feels far off... Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 Big hugs to you Maureen! You're ability to remain focused on your studies, while difficult, has been a reason to keep moving and looking forward. The good news is that you don't have to decide now where you will end up and I have no doubt you find happiness because that is what is in your spirit. Your life with John taught you that you are capable of making great changes and embracing new adventures and you have continued that in these last 16 months. I can't wait to hear about all of your adventures this summer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 I will be thinking of you on your graduation day. virtually cheering you on. Thecrestveill come (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Congrats on your bachelors degree and continuing to push through grad school. You inspire me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tableforone Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 I moved after my husband died because I just didn't feel I could build a new life for myself while living in our old life. It was right for me. You will have time to mull this over as you finish your degree. At some point, what you need to do next or where you need to be will become clear. Thinking of you always! (((Maureen))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Walk with your head held high today. We are all so lucky to have you in our lives . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 (((Maureen))) I haven't been able to post much lately, but I've been thinking about you. You really are in inspiration, though that may be cold comfort. Thank you for being here and sharing your journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissinGrizz Posted May 23, 2015 Share Posted May 23, 2015 You are an amazing person. ((Hugs)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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