Perfect in every way - except one :(

[thejourney]

My chapter two is great - we get along almost all the time. She is a lot of fun but can also be serious. She is a great sounding board for me and offers great advice. She is incredibly attractive and the sex is very good. We have talked about and are planning our future together. So WHAT is my problem?  She is occasionally prone to depression.  When she gets depressed, she gets defensive and critical and says things that put me completely off guard and are out of synch with what I consider to be my values.  It is a defensive mechanism, I know that, but it still upsets me. It doesn't last long, usually only a few days and then all is good again.  Oh what to do?  We are committed to each other, but this is a burden that I am leery of taking on.

[Wheelerswife]

Is she receiving treatment/medication/counseling?  Would you consider some couples' counseling to talk about your concerns?  I have a friend that is prone to depression and has been hospitalized in the past, but she has a great relationship with her husband.  At the same time, I know it can be very scary for her husband as he wonders if and when she might decompensate again.

 

I wish you the best!

 

Maureen

[fctyler]

I think that if your Chapter Two is being proactive and trying counseling and/or medication, the it shows she is attempting to make these bouts with depression less of an issue.  If she sees nothing wrong with them or doesn't see a change in her own behavior, then I'm afraid you may be setting yourself up for some unsettling and lonely times.  You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells for a few days every month or so.

 

I hope things work out; I'm rooting for you!

[serpico]

This is a tough one.  On one hand, depression is a chemical imbalance and it's not 'her fault' that she has to battle it.  On the other hand, I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't hesitate to enter a relationship with someone who had ANY physical ailment that affected their mood the way depression can.

 

With that said, though, depression can be dealt with through medication and other means, so she's not necessarily defenseless.

[Guest IronBear]

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[Guest nonesuch]

I wrestle with depression myself.

 

What chemicals her brain produces are not her responsibility.  How she copes with it is.  If this is an ongoing problem, she needs to get to a therapist and/or doctor. Medication can make a world of difference, as can therapy.  Being depressed doesn't give one permission to treat others poorly. 

 

ETA: A woman I know divorced her second husband.  He suffered from depression.  Her explanation was that she didn't divorce him because of the depression, but because *he refused to do anything about it.*

 

[Portside]

I of course, will only speak for myself.

 

I would break off a relationship immediately if I discovered my GF suffered from depression. Yes, yes - I know - not her fault - it's her brain chemistry, medication may help, therapy may help. But sometimes, nothing helps and I'm not willing to take the chance.

 

I lived with it for 18 years - I've had enough for a lifetime. I would not subject my children to that disease knowingly again.

I suppose I am selfish. So be it.

 

Mike

[Guest TooSoon]

You are not selfish, Portside.  You are human.  Is it you or serpico that doesn't like hugs?  In any case, I send hugs. 

[Guest IronBear]

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