Thank you so much, MrsK and Maureen. Thanks especially for the hugs.
I guess I am taking it a moment at a time. I am just so sick of people telling me I have got to be better by now. Really, you must feel somewhat better! Uh, no, I do not.
One of my Grief Groups is only for "young" widows. You must be under 65 and you must be widowed. That is the best one. The ones for anyone grieving, as you said, Maureen, are just not the same. They don't understand.
I just don't understand how you go from where I am to actually wanting to live again, or actually looking forward to something. I am dreading the holidays and pretty much just want to crawl in a hole. Any little pain I have I hope is something serious. Pain in the head? Hey! Maybe it's an aneurysm! You can't say this to your normal average person because they then argue with you and tell you that you have SO much to live for. Uh... no. No, I do not. I have nothing go live for. Absolutely nothing. I love my pets, but they would be just fine with someone else.
Sorry, and thanks for listening and for your kind responses.