beth_krkswidow

23 months coming up. Yes I'm better in a lot of ways. Yes, "it" has gotten softer, as was predicted by the wids further out when I first came here, utterly shattered ,destroyed  and brokeb. But other days I just want to crawl in the grave with him. Really I do.

You are not abnormal.  I think we're all crazy. Widowhood entitles us to that.

Just sending hugs

Sometimes kicking and screaming the whole way. But somehow we've made itbthus far.

Hugs

It's the 16th now. Iam sorry i missed the Sadiversary yesterday

Hugs to you today, a day late

My in laws predeceased my husband so I can't do this. But I think it's great that you can.  Surreal as it was. I  still haveall my hubby's pictures up. I don't consider my house a shrine.

Sign me up

At 11 months I still actively wanted to drive off a cliff.. Absolutely no will to go on. What you are feeling is perfectly normal.  People here and in my Grief Groups said it gets softer as time passes.  It does. Biii didn't believe them but it does get softer

So sorry for your loss

Ditto the hijacking of that quote.

Sadly I have no voice mail or video.  I can't remember his voice and that hurts

Amen amen amen

Beautiful sad and true

Wow.

That circle one is so absolutely true.

Starting to maybe see lines, but that circle analogy.  Wow.  Dead on.

I sent you one back.  Hugs.

Oh Nat, I am so sorry.  You and your husband are very close to the ages that my husband and I were at the time of his death.  I am so so sorry.  I have no words of wisdom.  The first year I was in a fog.  Catatonic for a couple months.  It was pure hell.  I can say that somehow some way, it does get somewhat softer.  Surround yourself with the helpful friends ~ the ones who let you cry, who allow you to grieve, or scream, or sit silently.  Distance  yourselves from the hurtful ones ~ the ones who think they are being "helpful" by pointing out how strong you are, how you have so much to live for, how he "wouldn't want you to cry". WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!  If he'd died, he darn well BETTER have cried for me...

but I digress.  Can you see where the trigger points are for me? 

Your help will come from surprising sources sometimes.  And the ones you expect to be the best for you may turn out to be the most harmful.  It's not their fault; they THINK they are helping with their meaningless platitudes and "advice". 

Cry as much as you want.  Post as much as you want.  Look up the phrase "widow brain".  You'll be relieved to find out how normal you are.

Sending you warm hugs.  So so sorry

Tammy, I am so very sorry.  So so sorry that you have joined us here.  We understand better than anyone out there.  Know that we stand with you and are here to hold up your arms and cry with you and send you warm hugs across the miles.  xx

 

For me, the second year was by far the hardest. The first year I was largely numb, going through the motions, and I still felt his presence. That second year it struck me just how long dead was. Everyone expected me to be getting "better" and "moving on" but inside I was screaming, paralyzed, and with a great big gaping hole in my heart. Everything that was ours was now mine to deal with, for better or worse. All decisions fell to me, all forward motion was my responsibility. It was overwhelming. Things started getting more manageable in the third year, and while I will never be "over it", most days are filled with life, love, and happiness.

Thank you, abit, and all of you.  Every word of what you said, abit, resounds with me.  I was numb the first year.  Thought I'd be better in the second.  Thought I'd find a reason to live.  No kids, so that's a strike out for a reason to live.  Just really thought I'd find a purpose in life.  Hasn't happened.  So I get pretty hopeless.  Fell asleep visiting his grave today, so I was sleeping with my Honey again.  That made me smile.

Just never goes away, huh, this alien life, this surreal existence.  Sobering

22 Months. I hate this life.  I hate being the Survivor.  WHY didn't I die with him? Or instead of him?  I have NO reason to live.  I hate this existence.  I know God must have left me here for a reason.  I can't figure it out.  I just hate this life.  I want my old life back.  I want the old me back.  I hate this new creature I've become.  I don't recognize it and I don't feel comfortable in my own skin.  Cuz it's not my skin.  It's a stranger living in my old body.

Oh Cyndi, I am so sorry. So so sorry.

Although I am much 8lderbthan n you, I still struggle with similar questions. Why?

Why did he die?

Don't think I will ever understand or accept.

Don't know how I made it through thus far (22 months) but I  have.  I don't always view that as a good thing. But "it" has gotten softer. It will get softer but it takes a long long time.

Sending you warm hugs

Perfect

Warm hugs to you, Ruth

Sending hugs.  So so sorry you had to join us here

Mishka, hugs to you. So many hugs.

Im at almost 22 m8nths and it has gotten softer. Took over a year. Still wanted to drive off a cliff at 1 year. Still have bad times every single day but overall it's gotten softer. Gradually it finally will. Till then, one moment at. A time

More hugs

Haven't even hegun purging. His jeans are still hanging in the bathroom. At 18 months I finally took down the shirt hanging in the bathroom (what he was going to wear the next day the last night he was home) and sent it to my friend who made a pillow out of it. But at almost 22 months still can't move anything

I get it. Absolutely.  It freaks me out that I'm only 3 years younger than him now. And I'm supposed to be 5 years younger. Can't imagine when I reach his age.

Absolutely  one hundred percent normal.

So so sorry.

God bless us all in this hell of pain and loss.

Love that.  Yes.

One day at a time.  One day at a time.  The way to face widowhood.  And sobriety.

Congrats.