beth_krkswidow

Easy memories. I like that.

It was here in the early days that i first heard that things would get softer, as opposed to better.  They have. At 18 months and they truly have.

This place is so vital

I remember sometimes longing for the early days when how I looked and felt was expected. Hugs to you.

And when I was practically catatonic and didn't do anything.  Now I'm expected to do normal things and I still can't.... at 18 months.

Guilty for crying, Gem?  Never!  I'm at 18 months and I still cry a lot.  It's expected.  It's necessary.  It's sometimes healing.  Sometimes cathartic.  And sometimes it's just miserable, but always always always NOT a reason for guilt!  Sending hugs and a tissue. 

Ok,  A box of tissues

At almost 18 months i can honestly report that I don't actively look for that cliff every day. Some days yes but no longer every day. Some softening

Still haven't mooved a thing, but. But. It isn't as dark. Iit truly is softer here at almost 18 months. I  never would have believed that. Never.

That was very good

No words. I'm just so sorry you have joinef us

Hugs.

Hugs hugs hugs

Mine are Tuesdays this year too.

Hugs

So so sorry

Oh my goodness it is so good to hear I'm not the only one!

Hugs hugs hugs back. Thank you both so much

Many months later and I still do not know how anyone survives this.  I am beyond a year now, but I still do not understand, cannot comprehend, how this is survivable.  I have done very little.  His shirt and jeans are still hanging in the bathroom; the clothes in his closet and drawers untouched.  His shampoo still in the shower.  His ring still around my neck.  People who see my wedding ring have asked me if I've remarried.  I want to punch them.

So sorry for what you are having to deal with.

Enjoy your special day and know how blessed you are.

Big big hugs.

I am so sorry for your loss.

"Thanks so much for your concern, but

"I'd really rather not talk about it."

Hugs...

And the wanting to hit people asking stupid questions or offering meaningless platitudes is universal among the widowed I believe.

No words. Just tears. Pure beauty.

@Trying ~ after my One Year, I said to a fellow Wid who had been widowed 2 months before I was, something akin to what you said in your post, about being relieved that all the "firsts" were done.  She looked at me sadly, and said, "Oh, Honey, your Firsts are not over."  She was right.  Since the One Year, I have made my first trip without him, gone to my first wedding without him, my first funeral (IN THE SAME ROOM AS HIS.... AAAACCKKKK), etc.  The Firsts keep coming.  Sorry to be a downer, but be prepared.  Warm hugs.

I have had the good fortune to have The Best Widow Grief Group EVER.  On my Sadiversary 18 people came to the cemetery with me.  They brought tables, chairs, all of Kirk's favorite foods, pictures, flowers, etc.  They asked me to tell them all of my 'Kirk' stories.  I spoke for half an hour.  There was not a dry eye there.  Then we ate and, unbelievably, had a wonderful time for over 4 hours.  One of the widows even brought her husband's bedside commode ~ with water for cleaning, TP, bags for disposing, etc.  She put that way back in the woods so no one had to leave the cemetery for any reason (everyone cleaned up after themselves, so it was always spic and span for the next user).  This group of people thought of EVERYTHING.  It was an unbelievable Turning Point for me.  I cannot stress the wonderfulness of having a support family of fellow wids.  I just hope I can be to them what they have been to me.

I can't remember his voice. That hurts so much

I'm not at 3 years, so I may have nothing to add. 1 year and 3.5 months.

You are widowed so by default you belong here. Sorry. The "new normal" is anything but normal.  There is nothing wrong with you as there is nothing wrong with me despite what all the DGI'S have to say about that. They all have the miracle cure. They have no clue; and I'm sorry, God, but I spend much time hating them.

Nothing I say or anyone else says will ever help. What helps is knowing that, scattered across the globe, there are a few of us unlucky souls who understand - because we're in the same hell. not the same spot in hell. But the same hell.

Warm hugs

Ps. I had read only page 1 and didn't know there were 2 more pages...  A puppy!!!  Wonderful!

I went to three Grief Groups.  My friends now are almost entirely wids I've met via these Grief Groups.  I also started a Wids Breakfast and we go out for breakfast twice a month, inviting people from the different grief groups and any wids I know elsewhere.  20-30 show up, people who had never met before and who have become friends.

The title and your first sentence says it all.

Never ever thought I'd make it a year.  I've passed the year mark and three months more.  I still can't believe it.  I won't drive off a cliff but there are most definitely times I want to. Not as omnipresent as initially, but not too far below the surface.

Hugs

I am so sorry for your loss and for what you are going through.

I'd rather not talk about it seems like the best answer.

Just so sorry.  Hugs

Day after tomorrow will be One Year. I  haven't even considered moving or removing thrm. And I  wear his on a chain around my neck.

As everyone says, it's your personal decision.  There's no right or wrong answer.

Amen, Sister

Omg, KK, Perfect

Every word.

Every word.