singinmomo4

(((((KAMCHO))))))) Yes, sometimes you just need a good cry. Crossing my fingers that the sweet adorable bulldog finds his forever home with you.

Thanks Trying! THAT'S why it suddenly showed up! I don't feel so widowbrained now! ;D I threw away a baggie of old Christmas Candy. Need to do a lot more but it's a start.

Searching for posts and saw this. AC, I've been thinking of you too! You've been way too quiet girl!

I don't know if it's really changed, maybe tweaked though. I understand your feelings about the very conservative views about the Catholic Church. It's one reason I'm so thankful for the one my children and I attend. I'm Baptist but Rick was Catholic and we still support both churches. The main priest there, Father E, is a much more liberal minded priest, not hardline at all it's made that church be as much of a family to me as my own. I'm also really thankful for Pope Francis. I think he is helping a lot with the church becoming more welcoming and non judgmental. As to how my faith has changed, I really had to search my faith as to why Rick and my anger at God. Reading "Why" by Adam Hamilton and listening to his sermon series on that topic and "How Christians Get It Wrong" (I think that's the name of it) helped me a lot. I don't blame God anymore and don't believe Rick's death was His plan. I do believe God can take the shitty stuff in life and make good come from it in spite of the shittiness of the situation. Oh, MIB, good job holding your tongue. I am FB friends with many of my more conservative church friends and I think they probably know more of my views now then they ever really wanted to. ;D

I've been really able to identify with this lately. I love my job, I really do, but it's really been a chore lately. It's partly because I'm drained by dealing with an ankle wound that's taking an extreme amount of time to heal, it hurts and I'm on my feet all day and partly just from the drudgery of day to day life. Add to that, everything is falling way behind at home because of 1. Work 2. Ankle that causes me to have to collapse onto sofa with feet up when I get home and 3. Broken tractor with 1/2 mowed yard outside turning into a jungle while I wait for the tractor to get back. Yeah, I get it. Kudos to all of us who pull up our big girl and boy pants every day and head into work, even when we don't want to.

Prayers for a speedy and complete recovery! Please update us as soon as you can!

I hear ya MS. I know not the hugs you want, but (((((HUGS)))))

Oh I could definitely be in a long term relationship without marriage. Heck, I didn't expect Rick to propose when he did and I was fine with that. If the relationship is good, and both people feel secure, they won't usually need that validation. I think Rick and I, the last several years especially, took each other for granted. Now, hopefully I've learned enough from our loss that hopefully won't happen again. I really wished he had lived. I know everyone wishes that, but damn, I think we could have made a good marriage incredible, just from what we would have learned. It's awful that it takes illness and death, to sometimes knock the sense into us to realize what we have and what's really important.

I don't agree that marriage was "created" to keep us civilized, I mean, I think people get married because we, as humans, like companionship and are territorial by nature. I think government has encouraged marriage (with tax breaks and such) to keep us civilized. Obviously marriage as evolved over the years with some ancient and not so ancient, civilizations allowing being married to more than one woman (never more than one man, I mean, come on! ) All over psychoanalyzing the institution of marriage aside, these days, it's not about children, security, any of that, it's about love and wanting to build a life together, that may or may not include children. When and if I get married again, I won't need a man to make me secure, I'll be fine on my own. I will be getting married for love, companionship and to build a life together and we will be equal partners, working together to make that life happen. That was the best part of my marriage to Rick, it was a partnership, we complimented each other and we were there for each other, able to depend on each other, through everything. I want nothing less the next time around, if there is a next time.

I don't know Bear, you might be able to find some 80 year old woman willing to give you a try. You are in the land of old people after all.

A little bit of misinformation here. SS is federal and the same regardless of what state you live in. If you wait to actually marry until after age 60 you don't lose anything. As some have mentioned, depending on your earnings compared to your deceased spouse, some people can collect on their deceased spouse's record at 60 and then switch to their own at 72 (or whatever it is) possibly getting a higher amount, again, depending on your work record. Myself, if I were to be interested in marrying again, I would wait until after I turn 60 to do it since I turn 53 later this year, my husband had a very good income and I was a stay at home mom for 24 years. My work record wouldn't pay me squat. I also plan to wait as long as possible before I start collecting so I can maximize the amount. Hopefully the job I have now will help me be able to do that.

What is her rush? What does she consider moving forward, moving in together? Marriage? Engagement? I highlighted in bold all things you said that made me think you aren't ready for that. She hits the "check boxes", you get a nervous whenever she brings up more commitment, logically it makes sense to commit. What's even more important though is what you didn't say. You didn't say you love her. I can only assume you have told her you love her if she wants to "seal the deal" so to speak, but you didn't mention it here. Love has absolutely nothing to do with logic. You are ready when you can't imagine your life without her and you don't want to. You are ready when logic doesn't enter into the equation and when the thought of something more doesn't make your stomach churn but makes your heart flutter and gives you a smile instead of anxiety. I would say she either needs to slow down her expectations or you need to move on.

LOL! When I first read this post I thought of the same thing! You and MadPage need to get together while on Ambian and post. that would be incredible! ;D

LOL! Love the ambian posts. ;D

Running late. Nothing new but thought I'd let you know.

As much as I enjoyed my husband's appendage, there can be no substitutions. I mean really, how depressing can you get?

Sugarbell, you will be right for the relationship thing when the right man comes along. Someone else has probably said this but I didn't feel like reading through all the replies.

I'm alright spending time by myself but I do miss having someone to love, to cherish and to love and cherish me. I miss mattering to someone. I want to have someone to share the little things with, the joys and the struggles. It's not about loneliness as much as it is just wanting to love, be loved and to feel the security and contentment of that love. It's such a wonderful feeling to know love, security and commitment. I miss it.

http://www.lowereastsidehotel.com/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=places&utm_campaign=google_places_ms This hotel has an excellent review as recent as 2 weeks ago for those looking to get a hotel. I might get one myself. If I go I will probably take Amtrak into the city then catch a taxi.

I do believe we have some WI wids. Widdowbagos are definitely a "If you plan it they will come" kind of thing. Suggest a date and place and see what happens!

I am also a maybe. Will seriously work on getting there. I need me some wid time. It's been too long.

Beautiful Munsen! I used to cross stitch, many, many, MANY years ago. I'm sure there are many unfinished projects in a box somewhere in this house.

Thank you everyone. Sometimes I just need to vent and have a pity party and it's nice to know that you all are here to listen while I just get it out. These are the moments when I miss Rick the most. I've always been pretty self sufficient and that was one of the things that attracted Rick to me but it's so different when others are involved. Feeling a responsibility for so many really drains me. I also find myself feeling so envious of others who, even when they are dealing with difficulties in their lives, have their loved one right by their side to weather it with them. A perfect example is my SIL. I love my inlaws so much and of course I don't want them to hurt like I do but even when she had so many burdens taking care of her ailing mother and then her father, her husband (a rock, just like Rick) was always there with her. And throughout the loss of her brother, mother and father, he's there with her, loving her, supporting her, helping her. I've always said, the hardest part of losing Rick was not having him to weather the storm with me. There are some bright spots in all of this. My oldest son is doing well. He has a continuance until May. He's working and seems more clear headed than he has in a long time. He's hoping, that by working and being productive, if he does do time they will allow him to take part in work release. I hope that this experience helps him to turn things around for himself. There are a couple of people helping out my mom. Before my younger brother was in the hospital, a few people were helping my mom. There's Robert, a guy that used to work with my younger brother years ago and has stayed in touch with the family. He would pick up groceries and go check on my older brother and report back to her because she wasn't able to get there, Scott, a friend of my older brother who would also visit my brother and report back to mom. He also offered to sit with my younger brother so that Robert could take her to visit my older brother. My mom also has a sister and her daughter who have brought some meals to them. I've ordered a few things online and had them mailed directly to her. I have a visit planned the end of this month. Luckily I had it planned before everything happened and work was incredibly awesome allowing me so much time off, one of the many reasons I absolutely love my job. And, lastly, it's been 2 months since Nick's games were stolen. Ideally he would want his games back because of the data on them but I've convinced him I've done everything I can do to try to get them back and we need to just try to replace them. He was given an early birthday present from my parents and I've told him he can use that to replace some games and after posting on FB looking for someone with games they wanted to get rid of, he was able to replace most of his favorite ones fairly cheaply. In fact, it was some of my widda friends that came through for me again. So there are bright spots that I'm very grateful for but it all just makes me really miss Rick. I'm so thankful for this place to be able to vent, cry, remember.

So much been going on in my life lately that hasn''t been good. Our cat died. Nick and John were a wreck, especially Nick. She was his cat. She slept with him and stayed in his room all the time. Another loss on top of all the other losses. His dad, grandmother, grandfather, uncle and now 2 cats in 5 years and this was on top of having a bunch of his video games stolen when he forgot them on his bus and the bus then went and picked up other students for another school after he got off. The stolen games and his cat dying caused a lot of difficulties at school. Nick is my child with aspergers. Anything can throw him off and this absolutely sent him for a tail spin. Then my oldest son got pulled over for a headlight being out. He had drugs in the truck. He was arrested for intent to distribute which he's fighting along with driving on a suspended license which was suspended because he didn't do what he was supposed to do once his time was up. You know, pay the restoration fee? Stupid shit. He was in jail for a month before I bailed him out with his money. Even if the intent to distribute is dropped, I'm sure he's looking at some jail time. My brother had a stroke and has been in the hospital for 3 weeks or so. At first it sounded minor but it hasn't turned out that way. Last week we thought we might lose him. He wasn't doing well at all, extremely agitated, confused, pulling out his pic line. My mother is in her 80's, doesn't drive and takes care of my severely handicapped brother at home. My brother was there to help her but now isn't. My father is in the local Veteran's nursing home. They are in Arkansas and I'm in Pennsylvania. My younger, severely handicapped brother is now also in the hospital because his hemoglobin levels were dangerously low. The only good thing is at least with both of them in the hospital my mom can visit both of them while she stays there. So, the reality of widowhood is I have to deal with all of this alone, without my rock, my partner, my one person I always knew that no matter what came up we could get through together. I have to deal with my children's issues alone. I can't just up and head down to Arkansas to help my mom because I have children to take care of here. And what if something happens to my older brother? My mom and younger brother can't be alone at home. I can't be down there for long periods to help because of my responsibilities here. I can't even begin to consider moving closer to home because my son with Aspergers is finally in a school that is perfect for him. He needs to stay here where he can get what he needs. The reality is, if Rick were here, I wouldn't be doing it all on my own. The reality is, if Rick were here, I could head down to help my family and Rick would take care of everything at home. He would get the kids off to school, go to work, come home early to be home with them after school. It wouldn't be an issue. The reality is, if Rick were here, the house wouldn't be falling apart, my children would have their dad and maybe, just maybe, might be handling things better. The reality is, if Rick were here, I would have the security of knowing that everything would be okay because we were a team and we could handle whatever life threw at us together. That security is gone. I feel so alone. I am alone. I miss him so damn much. I miss everything about him and I miss the security that being married, being partners, being with Rick gave me. It's all gone and this is my reality.

YES, YES, YES!!! 5 years and vacations as an only parent just wear me out and make me wish for the "good ole days" as a two parent family. (((((BIG HUGS)))) to us all, continuing to do it all on our own.