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((Mike)) Been doing this same thing, going on year 3. Maybe next year June will be just June. I will continue to hope so.

Although I promised myself I was going to stop counting, my heart wont let me get away with it. It will be in a couple of weeks. Like you Mac, I am grateful for so much. Counting down to 3 years just amplifies how much in my life is better for having lived most of it with my husband. I can not have a new experience without thinking of how much he would have encouraged me. Most days, I can remember with joy, others, not so much and I have to admit the tears are looming lately. But I try to smile through them and truly appreciate how blessed I have been and continue to be. I still love my crazy-ass life, and wonder what will happen next. Part of me is excited in the unknown. There is still so much to do, to experience. And if I have learned nothing else, I learned from Craig that the only true regret I will ever have is for the things I haven't done.

So tomorrow afternoon I set off on my big adventure. I am resisting the incredible urge to take his passport. I know it is ridiculous but it is nagging me. The last week was up and down. Still don't know if I have packed enough or too much. I know how to pack for a 2 week business trip. I can pack for a one week canoe trip, a trip to camp, a weekend at the beach. I can pack for a 5 day hike in the woods. This was altogether foreign to me and I don't really have a clue. Oh well. That's what shops are for, I suppose. As long as I have my ID and money, I guess the world is my oyster! If you don't hear from me, don't worry. Only taking my phone and no idea what internet access I will have. Will miss my regular fix of checking in with you all X's and O's til I get back. Grace and Nuggets, I hope I can live up to the "adventure bar" that you have set!

I don't know how many I have. No cable. Until New Guy, no TV in the bedroom. We watch netflix movies sometimes, and have a digital antenna, so once in a while we check out broadcast. (Stupidbowl, and other major sports events) I know there is one in the livingroom. I think the spare rooms may have one. Haven't turned them on in years.

Yep. Amazing progress. You must be feeling pretty good about that. As far as the quilt, maybe your daughter would like it someday? I know I had one that was my parents that came to me as an older teenager. My grandmother had made it for them and it reminded me more of her than of my parents.

Trying, This may not help you at all, but it helped me. I was sleep deprived for two long periods in my life, the first when I lost my home in a fire in 2007. I did not sleep for 7 months. Nothing worked. Until I moved into my new home. It took about 2 years to recover. By that, I mean for my sleep to go back to normal. During this time I was sleeping about 8.5 hours a day and still feeling exhausted. The second period started with my husbands illness, and progressively got worse after his death. About 3 years. I finally spoke with my doctor about it and he asked me what the longest period I ever slept was on a GOOD night. I told him 7 hours. He asked me what time I needed to get up in the morning. I said 6. He told me that I should never go to bed before 11 PM until I could consistently sleep through the night. Waking up to use the bathroom and going back to sleep didn't count. He said that if I went to bed any earlier, my body would disrupt my sleep. If I went to bed at 8, for example, I would toss and turn, and be wakeful for 3 hours during the night and never get more than the 7 that my body wanted. I was skeptical, but it worked for me. It took some time. Probably about 6 months. Then I started an exercise program, about 4 hours a week. That has also improved. I usually get 7 to 7.5 hours a night now, but it is good quality sleep. I was never one to take meds, even though I had them prescribed.

Really fun, perfect weather. What cracked me up was after her initial shock she said "not on purpose?" or something like that.

Sounds good to me! Can't wait to see you guys!

What a roller coaster. 2 weeks from today I will begin my trip. I am excited, but I didn't realize how sad it would also make me to do this without him. He should be with me. I am really struggling to get through this, but it is weighing very heavy this morning. Glad I will see some of my posse on Sunday to talk to me down from the ledge. I got this.... right?

I would like to do this. Sunday is looking good right now. Maybe we could do closer to Worcester if the folks from more southerly locations are going to NJ for the memorial brunch. Depending on who is in, of course.

(( HB )) Good luck!

(( Rudi ))

I feel this way too. My children are grown, so I don't have the complications of a new baby with my new guy. And we are older, in our mid and late fifties, so maybe our expectations are different. But it not easy. I will say that time has been a friend to us. We got involved too early (in my opinion) and it was really hard to manage my grief and new feelings. Still is, but not as hard as even a few months ago. Will I continue to think it is worth it? I don't know. I can't see ending it because I don't know. He says he is okay with that. I think in the beginning he would have preferred me to lie to him, or at least not tell him of my doubts. I can't roll that way.

I get this Grace. I was determined to stop counting dates, as well. But it doesn't work that way. I call it "the calendar of the heart" and it just sneaks up on you on those days. Days that we really didn't pay alot of mind to in our marriage. Anniversaries, hallmark card days. Yeah, I have those "aha" moments every so often. (( grace ))

Boot camp and Zumba on Saturday. Tried running again, but suffering from shin pain today. I was really careful to land on heels, but it isn't helping. I think I have to stick to the bike until I can drop another 10 pounds, at least. Ouch......

Thanks, everyone, I am inspired by the adventures of Gracelet, Nuggets, and Mac among others. I hope this is not just a one time deal for me, but truly the beginning of my life the way I want it to be....

I like this...

Untrue RIFF, we all noticed at the last BAGO, or doesn't that count? I'm pretty sure some flattering could be arranged.... LOL

It has taken me almost 3 years to find this out. In a little less than one month I will set out on an adventure I have dreamed about since I was a young woman. Over the years, that dream took a second place to the reality of my life. In all that time I never begrudged setting those things aside for my husband, kids, family, friends... anyone that needed my time or attention. A couple of years ago I started thinking about my dreams of seeing the world. I wasn't sure I would be able to get the time off, or be able to pay for it. But I promised myself I would do it. So here it is, less than a month away and I am taking a 2 week trip. It is what I hope will be the start of a regular event for me. To see someplace new in the world. And to find a way to make this a regular part of what I have left of my life. In a way it feels like I am getting re-acquainted with my "20-something interrupted" self. The one who wasn't that sure of herself, but had so many dreams and ideas. I like her!

"If there is such a thing as divine justice or karmic retribution, the world we live in is not the place to find it." I like this quote from an article in the New York Post Sunday Review. http://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/19/opinion/sunday/does-everything-happen-for-a-reason.html?_r=0 An interesting topic, not one I would want to debate with anyone suffering a tremendous loss unless it was that person staring the conversation.

Last year I began the first of what I hope to be many trips which will include leaving some of his remains. I called my BIL on impulse (the last of his generation) and we drove to Canada for the weekend to visit their childhood home, some friends, and places that were special, including his parents grave. In a few weeks, I will go to Slovenia and Croatia, among other places, but these two places he always wanted me to see. He just loved the Adriatic coast and the people of Slovenia. Next year, I hope to get to Aberdeen, Scotland, the birthplace of his mother and my BIL. My children both plan on going to Alaska for the same reasons. I sure hope he doesn't mind being all spread out like that!

Ha! I knew it!

RIFF, I am a little surprised you didn't buy them anyway, and then give them to the first person you saw that looked like they could use some cheer. Then you could post on DonnaP's kindness thread. Cause that's the kind of guy you are. 8)

Well, I live on the east coast and love it, but love traveling to the west coast, particularly the northern west coast. If time were never an issue it would always be a road trip for me. Probably walk if I could. barefoot on hot pavement or sneakers in puddles?

Went to my class. and it turns out that the muscles I use in the class offset the ones giving me the issues running, so I am feeling much better. My mission is to have someone look at my feet and my gait, get a good pair of running shoes and see what happens.