hachi

My thought, for what it's worth... Sometimes, it is more about how people make us feel. You know your underlying relationship better than everyone else. If she was truly just trying to be funny, then you over-reacted, because you were feeling unappreciated. Obviously your reply touched a nerve with her and she went storming off, so you both seem to know how to push each others buttons. But if deep down, there was a little dig going on, then no, you didn't over react, and the fact that she went storming off meant that she got it. I wouldn't pursue it any further.

Hi Deb, I am happy you found us, but sorry for the reason you are here. My husband, too, died from esophageal cancer with mets to the bones. My children were older than yours, 25 and 23 when he died. We had 27 years together. He was 50. Nothing I can say to make you feel better, but hang in there. Come here often and tell us what you are going through, there will always be someone who can relate to what you are going through. Wish I had more...

Well, if I posted yesterday, I would be "Yes! This is working! In 10 days since I added a 5th hour of cardio and lowering my calorie intake to 1500 +/- 50 calories and keeping track of everything with myfitnesspal (MFP) I am down another 2 lbs. However, this morning, sure I would be down or at least the same, I was back up a pound. Ughhh. I know it doesn't mean anything, especially since I haven't cheated, not even days ago where it would be catching up to me. I am sure it will even out, I just wish I could resist the urge to get on the stupid scale every day. I really should only do it once a week. I did buy new inserts for my running shoes and ran without shin splints for the first time in forever. Donna, how do I add you to MFP, email or facebook?

Nuggets, are you still in Costa Rica? I know you said you liked it "so damn much I might move here" Did you? You really are my hero...

I feel there is a definite toll on the body. Starting with physical pain I experienced after the long-anticipated death of my husband. I remember commenting early on that I had no idea that I would have such physical pain as a response to grief. That being said, the months and years of heavy lifting seemed to finally culminate into low back pain, which in my case is always worse with stress. My doctor prescribed sleep meds for me which I was loath to take. I also started experiencing colds for the first time in decades. Even when the house was full of sneezy runny nosed kids, I NEVER caught a cold. My doctor said that none of this was uncommon. It took me about 2 1/2 years to finally start paying attention to improving my health. For me that meant regular exercise, a therapist, and getting a good night sleep. Now at three years, I can say that things are better. The exercise and therapy has done wonders for my sleep, and I have recently stopped taking nsaids for my back pain. I still have mild anxiety, but I am hopeful that that will continue to diminish.

Try not to panic. Tell your prospective landlord what happened. Offer to pay the fees he incurs. Things happen. It was beyond your control and if the landlord can't work with you on this, when it is only a 3 day delay, well, maybe you are better off.

Ursula, I was going to post how for me the grocery store was always a huge trigger for me. Each season would bring some special treat we would love... Then I read your last post and my heart just sank. I am so sorry you had to witness that. We certainly do not need any reminders, we will never forget. Big ((hugs)) to you.

Actually wind can help as long as it is in the right direction. Of course it depends on what you are doing. If you are sprinkling a ceremonial amount, then you are right, wind is not good.

Ha! I love this!

Oh Maureen, I am so sorry you don't have him here with you to experience these places. Letting little pieces of Craig go in the places we were planning to visit was very hard. I struggle every time I do it. A little piece here, another there. I wonder if he will be upset that his remains were not all together. Hmm, knowing him as I did, I know none of this mattered to him, and the truth is.... I lost ALL of him three years ago today. Letting the little bits of his remains pale in comparison to that loss. My heart goes out to you, Maureen. You were robbed. You should be traveling together with him for the summer the way you always intended.

I think the answer to the first question is maybe. Independence does make us think twice before we risk giving up any of it. The second question is not so easy. You are comparing apples and oranges. If you were financially better off than your new guy and wanted to take care of him, maybe you would. But you're not, so you wouldn't be able to be as generous as he is... If you are uncomfortable, then set some boundaries. Or just keep talking about it with him. You will figure it out. I sort of agree about the whole full-on housekeeper bits. Anyone can clean a house, only YOU can be you....

Monday will be three years since DH passed away. He loved fireworks, and all things that go bang, explode, etc. I like to think that the entire country, (and Canada beginning on the 1st) is honoring him this week. Of course he would say that was complete rubbish. And it still sucks.. but for some reason, June is just so much harder for me than July. I am sorry about your phone and hope you are successful in recovering your messages. (( ))'s

Donna, I am still figuring out how it all works but I will. Myfitness pal said for my height and weight, to lose 1/2 lb a week, I should be at 1300 calories, but the nutritionist said that was too low and I should try for 1500. She also said to ignore the subtraction for exercise for now. I am 5'3" and weigh 148. So a bit shorter (and fatter, LOL) than you!

After 6 months of working on my fitness through adding 5 hours of cardio each week (from totally ignoring my own health for quite some time) I finally met with a nutritionist this week to add that part to the overall equation. The good news is that I have the structure of a good diet, the bad news is that I need to back away from the table sooner. I downloaded myfitnesspal onto my phone and now I have someone to be accountable to. I am paying her to help me, so if I am anything less than honest with her, this won't work. The last thing I want to have to tell her is that I am frequenting the vending machine at work, or drinking more than the allotted 4 oz of wine with dinner.... I only have about 20 lbs to lose, so I think just that accountability factor should help and with any luck, by the end of the year I should be there. I am deliberately trying to take this slow, and view it as a permanent lifestyle change, not a diet. I never thought I would be willing to count calories for the rest of my life, but I know I have to. I am tired of losing the same 20 lbs over and over again. Worse, I am tired of losing 15 and finding 20. Here's to hoping I can break the cycle.

I say this alot! LOL

I have to say that disguise is not a word that sets well with me. Ring or no ring, you are who you are. If you perceive yourself to be a miserable old man, well, no one is going to take much notice of the ring. I know you have been struggling with the two year mark and whether it feels right to you to take the ring off. For me it was at a year. And it was sort of like ripping off a band-aid. I just had to do it. Now I wear it on a chain with a small "first communion" cross and a single pearl. I didn't want to alter it into a new piece of jewelry. It was a little strange at first, but now it is just there. I wear it all of the time, and sometimes slip my finger in up the to knuckle when I am thinking hard about him. But I have never really been tempted to put it back on. It is more like a talisman to help me through difficult moments. I don't ever expect to take it off.

Trying, I wish I had something to offer. Nothing. Spent time last week with DH's older brother in the Cardiac care unit that my DH was in a few weeks before he passed away. Not a nice walk down memory lane and had us both shaken up a bit. Fortunately BIL will be okay but it does just really take one's breath away. I am so sorry. I read everything you post and I don't reply often, but I couldn't let this one go by without letting you know I was thinking about you. M

Well, as promised I finally got some of the hundreds of pictures into an album. It still needs work, but if I wait to finish all the captions, you will never get to see any pics at all! So, for better or worse, here it is. http://s1379.photobucket.com/user/mlaurence55/library/Cruise%202015 If it asks for a password, try mariel

((aww hugs Maureen))

Yes, this is exactly how I feel sometimes. The days of thinking "I can't live without you" are over. We know we can. It's sort of finding out like Santa isn't real, but New Guy still believes.

What year? LOL or do you mean July?

Me too. I think this is normal. But most people think it is because new guy "isn't the right guy". I don't think that is it, but I can't articulate it to anyone in a way that makes sense to them. Oh well. As someone so aptly put it - what other people think of me is none of my business.

Everything is different, and yet nothing has changed. It was a lifetime ago and it feels like it just happened yesterday. My life is full of great friends, family that truly cares for me, a new guy. And yet sometimes it feels empty. I feel like I am living this life of opposites. This has been an emotional month. On Father's Day my daughter posted this on Facebook. It reminded me of a post I made a few months after my husband passed away, this picture with the comment that some empty places just can't be filled. For a long time it was my avatar. I posted a link to it on my FB page and New Guy got a little upset about it. Then he saw the date and said he felt like a jerk and apologized. I accepted his apology but asked him if the date really made a difference. Which led to a discussion about grief and dates, and anniversaries which wreak havoc on the heart. I have been spending a bit of time in that rocking chair lately as I come up on the 3 year anniversary. Reliving the last few days as our time together got small. As sad as it makes me, I am happy still that he got to do it on his terms, in a place that he loved. But I don't miss him any less...

This doesn't help either. Sorry you are going through this....

Helen, How sweet that the kids want to do this! I think it's very hard to "celebrate" the day as an anniversary. It will have been 30 for me in August. No way in hell am I celebrating it. On the other hand, if my children actually remembered it and wanted to honor the day in some way I would be very touched. You know best whether having people around helps or hurts. For me, I would just want them to underplay the anniversary part and try to celebrate the future. Let the newlyweds be the center of attention. All the best,