sudnlysngl

Unless you know that you need any of them, shred them. They are of no use to you, only a reminder now.

I was reading in this section today. Why, because I had just turned 13 when my dad died and when I read some of your post in other sections it says a lot about you. So, I have to say, all of you are really doing a great job with the situations that life has dished out! My mom didn't, I ended up leaving home at 16 and being on my own since, but I made it! I see how all of you are loving and caring with your kids and that is so admirable. All of you deserve soooo much credit, and I hope and pray for all of you that someday when your children are all grown up that there comes a time that they come back to you and show you the love and thanks you so deserve. So hang in there with all those kiddo's,

Thanks Trying, you seem to get "it". I know eventually things will move in an upward direction, but right now it's all overwhelming. And at my age or for that matter any age when any of us are going through these struggles we don't need to feel pitied or patronized for what's happening. We don't always have a choice or control over what is taking place in our lives at that moment, but we do our best to keep going, and hope that there are others who can sympathize and empathize with us so we don't feel so alone in the journey we are on at that moment. So some can know and understand, I have NO problem getting a divorce from a person who does Not show love and respect to their wife/husband. It's everything else that is happening all at the same time. How is that old saying, "when it rains, it pours!" Was just looking for some understanding and support. Again, thanks Trying you and Sojouner got it! Oh, sorry, had to come back and say thanks to Maureen too

That's awesome Leadfeather. Sounds beautiful...

Thanks, I know that a lot of my emotions are all over the place right now with everything that is going on. Just passed our (dh and mine) would be 25th anniversary, his sadiversary (the 11th one), and the ng, walking out 4 days after valentines day after I was told I need to have back surgery! It's like the crap storm keeps coming, and the tears gates are wide open! I feel like I've pulled up my big girl panties so many times that they are worn out, and now I'm just going commando! At least I have a small bit of humor left for now....

To answer your question, yes. I make memory quilts! There are some who only do the t-shirt quilts, but I will do them with the button up shirts as well. Unfortunately, I'm in the middle of moving at the moment, but please keep me in mind when you are ready

I'm not sure why but it just seems like since dh died 11 yrs ago that I can't seem to really get my footing now. If any of you read my post in the other section I'm going through a divorce now, and it should be final in approx. 3-4 weeks. Now mind you he just walked out on Feb. 18th, so this is happening really fast. I'm also having so sell my home of 25 yrs at the same time! When dh died, I lost everyone around me except for my daughter. It was like everyone abandoned me. It was horrible. I'm child #7 of 8 kids, and they all turned their backs on me when dh died, along with my friends. That first year after his death, everyone of our pets died, and so did my best friend, and my only sister-in-law. Sadly none of these people who are still living have made an effort to come back into my life (I tried a few times with them, then stopped), and my address or phone number hasn't changed in these 11 yrs. So tonight I am sitting here really feeling the sadness of it all. Feeling like it should have been me who died 11 yrs ago instead of him. Feeling like since he's been gone my life has been a complete cluster *uck no matter how much I try, like I'm a complete and total failure... Can we say pity party of 1, and can someone tell me where the switch is to turn of these damn water works! :'(

I've been saying the same thing now for 11 yrs!

I'm sorry, no advice from me. I wanted more kids when dh and I married and my chances were taken away from me. Although I had 2 children from a previous relationship, and so did he. So if this is an option for you and you really want it, then go for it. As we all have learned, we are not promised tomorrow or even the next 5 minutes. Good luck to you and your decisions.

I still say there is no comparison, and yes I agree with serpico they both hurt! They one statement I hate even more though is, " the football, golf, any sport widow!" I have had NO problem politely correcting those women who have used those statements loosely, and then went on to explain that I am a "real" widow who NEVER imagined that I would actually be one at 43 yrs old. To those I shared that with, they always got very quiet for a few moments, and I could tell they were thinking about if they were in my situation, then they would apologize. To which I would just ask them to remove those kind of statements from their vocabulary because you never know what has happened in others lives around you.... Heck, I didn't until it happened to me!

For some of us it just is....

While in some ways I agree with the others, but I'm going to add my "two cents". Now going through a divorce since losing dh, I had some signs and I brushed them off. I, like you and perhaps some others here , am now in my 50's and I didn't want to seem paranoid. Now, I think damn I should have listened to my sixth sense! The bells were going off, and I ignored them, made excuses for things, and it was all right in front of me. I'm sorry, but we are all adults, and if there is nothing going on, then there is nothing to hide. I would just have a talk with him, and let him know how it "looked" to you and how it made you feel. If your in a relationship where you can't speak up and your feelings are not being validated as well as his, then something isn't right. I just believe things like that can really ruin and break trust between people. The proverbial "ball" is in your court. If your trying to build this relationship, it can't be built on silence, or esp. Just saying, besides you don't want to end up where I am, it sucks!!!

((((hugs))))

Like Lovelorn, I've been both and they are nothing alike. Yes both hurt, as I have shared in another post I am going through a divorce right now and the jerk is so cowardly that he won't even tell me why he walked out. I just know that he did the day after I was told I needed to have back surgery, so I know the vows meant nothing to him. However one HUGE difference between the two is, with divorce I can still call the jerk I am divorcing and cuss him out (which I don't, lol), and with dh I can't call him or hear his voice anymore! We (dh and I) can't meet up to talk, or even talk on the phone. So no comparison, besides I always wanted to be with my dh, even we had a disagreement.

Fuck this feeling of abandonment. Fuck the new soon to be ex and him asking me after meeting with the lawyer for things like the sport coats that I bought him, (so he can dress up for the whores he is seeing)! Fuck the ex for putting me through this crap, I took those vows to heart and very seriously, and now I know there are those who DON'T! Fuck dh for dying and leaving me to go through all of this, damn I miss him :'(

You are blessed to have had and extraordinary life, but average/everyday isn't so bad, when you have been to hell and back! Sometimes just being able to be still and ok is a great day in its self! I don't know if you saw my post about what happened with my experience with recoupling, it wasn't good. I am now cleaning up the mess of it. Thought I went about it all the right way. I guess in todays world there is no right or wrong way, so don't know if I can or will ever trust anyone again. However, I am NOT saying to never recouple again, just saying be careful, and don't knock average , there can be fun and good times in average....

I always had trust issues, so I "thought" I had done things right. I had taken 5 years to grieve my dh, knew this man 2 years before I married him, and still got "royally" screwed over! He was great at first, and still won't say why. At this point I don't care what his reason is because the way he was acting and treating me was reason enough! I'm just ready for everything to be done so I can really start healing. But I don't know if I can truly ever let myself trust anyone ever again.

Thank you to all of you, and I haven't had the surgery yet. I'm to busy packing up my house to sell it, and dealing now with him and what was suppose to be a "friend" hooking up and the divorce papers won't even be filed until next week! I have lost all faith in humanity once again. It's so hard to know that I opened up my heart to someone, and this is what I got for it. Once I get the house sold, moved and settled, I plan to get the surgery, heal, then start counseling again. I have the support of my daughter and her family, thank goodness for them. But for now the stress and hurt are soooo over whelming. I can't sleep, eat, and the pain from my back is sickening. Just trying to get through this. One of the worse things is I feel so much hatred right now, and I can't stand that, but how does one not feel that when someone does this to them? Anyway, thanks again to all of you for your love and support right now when I need so much! xoxoxo

Hi to everyone, some of you may remember me, still the same name I had. Well I remarried 5 years ago, and now we are divorcing. Knew him (thought I did) for over 2 yrs, before marriage. He had been married once before, and knew I had been widowed. Anyway, about 2.5 yrs ago I suddenly started getting really sick over night. I mean I woke up with really strange pains I had never had in my elbow and knee joints and the pain radiated downward from there. We had gone fishing the night before and I had caught a big fish, so I thought maybe I pulled a muscle or something, so I would give a few days. Well after a few days it wasn't getting any better and I had an appt. with my migraine headache dr. so I knew I could just see him with this. He sent me on to other dr's and for blood work, etc. I eventually was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and the meds they put me on almost killed me. Ended up in the ER with kidney failure, and made it through that! During all of this my NG mother was a freaking witch to me the whole time we were together, and she would wait until he was out of ear shot and say crap like, "you're faking it, cause your symptoms are nothing like mine." Oh, and his parents went to the same church as us, so his mom got a bunch of the women there to start harassing me. They would come up to me, and make comments under their breath like, "take a pill and quit faking it!" Well within 2-3 months of this he starts picking fights with me over nothing, now mind you we are living in MY house. I wouldn't fight back, but walk away telling him to just stop. So he would stand on our patio screaming, calling fu***ng c**t, slamming doors, punching walls, etc. I have never (other then my abusive mother) experienced this. Of coarse when he calmed down he would do that crap of "I'm sorry", and I just started shutting down. Then I was getting sicker, and when watching TV sometimes just out of the blue he would make comments about how to poison someone with stuff in their food or drinks! I got really suspicious because the dr. couldn't find out what was wrong with me. Then the day before valentines I was told I need to have my back operated on, so on valentines he told me he wanted a divorce (which I was already planning), called me a f***ing whore, and expected to stay here, have me cook for him, clean for him until the divorce was done! I checked the laws, we had a short marriage, so I put his ass out, doing a quick divorce, and now I am more broken than I ever dreamt possible. I am in so much physical pain and packing my home of 25 years, have it on the market, going to down size, and back to grieving dh more than ever... I don't know if I can ever trust anyone again, is it even possible?

hi everyone, I was on ywbb and found you all here. it's been a while, but the hurt never goes away and I needed the support and love again. just passed the 11 year mark the other day and so much has happened since ywbb days. I had remarried, but we are divorcing now. Thank goodness I'm smart enough that I never put him on MY house that has been mine and dh's for 25 yrs, so now I'm packing, selling, divorcing, and still grieving. wishing dh was here and wondering why I got myself into this mess with this jerk! But, hey HI to those from ywbb, and to those of you I haven't met yet.