patriciad

Thank you so much AaronP-where is the 'easy" button? Pat

uggghhh...still can't get it to load but if you click you can see the pic. I will figure this out one day...sigh

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Fuck cancer! And fuck chemo-the killer cure. Pat

(((Mary))) I am so sorry you have all of this on your plate. I always felt that after all that we have been through we kind of deserve a pass on the bad stuff for a bit. Doesn't seem to work out that way. I have a "Nick" although his name is Brian and he is 27. I know how things can just turn their world upside down and it somehow trickles down to everyone in the house. Putting your brother's health issues and your Mom and brother into the mix-what an absolute mess. I am glad to see you here. I hope that we can be some help to you even if it just a place to vent. You have always been so kind and wise. Know that you are in my prayers. Pat

Wow! That sounds like an awesome schedule. Love the summer schedule. You will have lots of family time and that extra day off(Friday) will be great. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted Pat

I think it was somewhere around the one year mark. I was intent on living and not just existing. I had been functioning and doing what I needed to do and for all outside appearances I think I looked like I was doing rather well. The dark days of grief were't there quite as often and it seemed that when I got hit by a wave of grief it receded much more quickly. I fell head over heels in love at about 14 months out. I couldn't believe that I could be so lucky to meet such a wonderful guy. In my head, I felt that my DH had sent him to me. I still had my days especially around the sadaversary, birthdays and our anniversary(which was the same as new guy's birthday). But the days weren't filled with sadness anymore. There was a lightness to my step. I saw a way out of that deep dark hole. I don't think grieving ever goes away. It is always lurking close by. But when it does rear its head, it does not stay as long or hit quite as intensely as those early days. I often wonder how I ever survived that. Pat

Could someone please review how to post a picture here. I can get it into the attachment box but the iMG does not go into the response box. So technologically disabled...sigh Pat

1. the snow is melting-is winter over yet? 2. the sun is coming out tomorrow 3. we have a new board-I was not quite ready to leave you all yet Pat

I am Pat. I was married to Billy for 25 1/2 years but he was my best friend for 31. In the summer of 08 he started losing weight, was anemic and exhausted. Doctor did a workup, couple of tests but nothing was conclusive. In the fall he fainted at a fundraiser. He had never fainted a day in his life. I knew something was really, really wrong. Despite going to doctors, we still didn't have a diagnosis. In December he had a nagging cough. The doctor sent him home with antibiotics. Two weeks later he still had "the cough". I told him to not come home from the doctor without a chest X-ray. I was praying he only had pneumonia. His dr called and said there was a spot on the X-ray. Two days later the CT scan showed lung cancer and after a PET scan he was diagnosed with Stage IV. He fought quite the battle. He kept going for chemo and radiation and cyberknife for his brain metastasis. He lived for 137 days after that diagnosis was made. His doctor said he was doing well, the tumors were shrinking. But his lungs filled with fluid and he was hospitalized for a week. Chemo had ravaged his body. I brought him home and 4 days later he died in my arms surrounded by his family. It will be 6 years in April and some days it feels like a year ago and other days it feels like a lifetime ago. I miss him dearly and think of him so many times every day. I have remarried and have a house full of grown single kids(his and mine). It is not the life I had imagined, or dreamed of-but it is a good life. And that is something that I never ,ever thought I would have again. Thank you for bringing this board together. It was my lifeboat in the early days and even though I don't post often, I read everyday. I wasn't ready to let you all go and so happy I didn't have to. Pat

That is great news! So happy for you. Pat

thank you , thank you, thank you!!! I really was thrown for a loop when I saw that YWBB shut down. I knew it was a big part of my life but could not believe the reaction I had-kind of like getting punched i the stomach. When I found you guys again, it was like coming home. Thanks to all of you techies for setting this up. Love you all Pat