Nuggets

How lucky your sister is to have a great reason to update and refresh her wardrobe!

So sorry to read this, Maureen ~ I returned to Canada last week, but can offer the support of many friends in Costa Rica if your niece needs any help or assistance in Costa Rica. Do you know where she is and where did the accident happen?

Don't grow up! It's a wicked trap ~~ I tried it once and didn't like it, longest 20 minutes of my life

The response to: 'John would have wanted/said/did XXXX' Me: 'John lost his vote by dying on me.' We had plans, hopes and dreams -- they changed, we had to change. I hate the guilt trips I am reading in previous posts, and those are never helpful ~ but your loss, your rules. If you own the tools, land, classic car, dried toad collection or ? -- it is YOURS to do what you want or need to do. End of story.

I don't mince -- he died, he's dead. Pancreatic Cancer isn't pretty enough for blurred edges or soft words. I give a pass to 'passed away' but 'lost' will never be a descriptor for what happened that July day ... he was stolen from me / us by a hideous and ugly disease.

I thought of this thread last week after coming home from my first date in over a year --- I am not on any dating sites or actively pursuing romance, booty or companionship. This came from an exchange started almost a year ago about living in Costa Rica via PM in a Closed Facebook group -- we have kept in touch sporadically after an initial * click * ..... he is an American from Oregon / PNW, I am a Canadian from north and west. Typically this environment is Valhalla for older white men -- particularly those with secure income. The sweet young Nicas/Ticas/Columbianas will find a older white (ie. non-local) guy with money attractive no matter how few hairs, how big the beer gut or how few teeth... and there is a sad story that usually ends with a Gringo finding themselves paying child support out of their pensions. It is probably the best time of my life -- because there are NO expectations for an older, chubber Canuck lady.... and I can pretty much do, say, act and wear however/whatever I please - it has been quite liberating. So, I was quite surprised that he expressed interest in meeting me -- I also suspect he has sampled the local wares, there have been several long lapses in communication but we're all adults. I briefly thought about dressing up for lunch on the beach -- and then thought: I'm pretty sure he isn't going to be dressing up for me, so I will wear CLEAN shorts and my nicer flip flops. (My hunch was correct.) I was once anxious and nervous about all this, now it's like going to an appointment -- sometimes necessary, not always unpleasant and minutiae for discussion when it's all over. I am happy with my life, I had magic -- magic is fabulous, it would be nice to have it again.... mediocre just isn't gonna cut it. And to be fair: It's probably me, I've met some nice guys -- like the guy on Wednesday. I didn't think I would hear from him again -- but was surprised to get an email 3 days later: '...it was nice to meet me' and to 'stay cool' --- not particularly effusive, but mannerly and polite. I have a suitcase to pack for El Salvador, a compost pile that should be turned and a garden and greenhouse needing my attention --- I'm too busy for courting and acting cute.

I thought this Robin Williams quote was straight-through-the-heart accurate for my situation: "I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." I also KNOW that being comfortable with yourself and enjoying your own company will make you a better companion for someone else -- I have dated quite a bit in the past 10 years and in a lot of cases it was me, not them, that was the 'problem'. In that same 10 years I was in two semi-serious relationships that did not go the distance -- it was me, it was he, it was us. In both cases there wasn't a desire or will to share space, share a future or continue the way things had been (both LDR's -- one couldn't resolve, one wouldn't... I was OK with both.) I had magic once, I want that again ~ I'm prepared to wait for it.

That would have been on Faux news ---

to meet Bear1956 (IronBear, BarneyBear, and various other Bear and Barney variants and deviations over the years) from this forum and the now-defunct YWBB today. I am visiting a WidowNet widow who now lives in NE Florida and drove south about an hour, Bear-sum drove over from his central Florida domicile and on the Atlantic coast. We fixed the world, legalized pot, eliminated world hunger/child poverty/misogyny and exchanged everything we knew about Clothing Optional/Naturists beaches all over this planet... and of course, the WidowWalk and how much is sucks and how we are changed forever. Pix on Bear's FB page, shared on my page ~~ if you're not FB friends with either of us you'll have to rinse your eyes and never speak of this Namaste

Wondered how you were doing today, fellow expat... ((hugs))

They sound determined to terminate him ~ does he have any accrued vacation or sick time? He should take every minute he has accrued. Speaking to the benefits adviser with the notifications he has received is a good start ... sounds like weasel words to reduce staff and not pay benefits to me.

John died in our bed, in our bedroom ~~ and one of the first acts I did was change it to MY space. I knew I wanted to stay in the house for a long time... we bought that house so we wouldn't move until both kids were done school (youngest still had 5 years of school) and it was almost paid for (I did discharge the small mortgage with life insurance funds) ~~ so there was good motivation to stay. Once the morgue left, my mom and I stripped the bed down, we piled the furniture up in the middle of the room and washed the walls... over the next 6 weeks, I painted (John would have hated the colour), bought a new bedroom set (he would have hated that too ) and bought new bed linens (he would have hated them too!) but kept the mattress and box spring because we paid a fortune for it and it was still fairly new. The purge was SO SUCCESSFUL that I didn't invite anyone for a sleepover for about 6 years because it was MY SPACE and I didn't have to share it. I did in the 10 years I was in the house after John died ~ twice. And I don't think either of the invitees realized the significance of their invitation ~ but both had a very pleasant time. If you view the space as your husband's you might have a hard time ~ my suggestion is to claim the space for yourself either metaphorically (I also smudge often ~~ I grew up in a First Nations life, and it is cleansing) or by declaration.

I have tried to pursue this tattoo for many years (anniversary is 6 JULY 1979) --- artists are reluctant to do work on digits because they are high use/high wear parts of the body (for women, anyway ) .... I have found a fellow here in Costa Rica that will do it now that I have explained the significance. I will post pics when the work is done ~ I am jazzed. I did buy a black titanium widow ring engraved with the anniversary but I am HARD on jewelry and it is banged up and scratched after a couple years... it was striking when it was new, though. Plus it's handy to slip on when I don't want to explain my situation for the kajillionth time... social situations, mainly. Lovely tattoo, OP ~~ my shoulder and back are covered with a spray of ladybugs (me) and stars (him) and I am going back for more ink in the coming days (adding items to cross the shoulders and head down the right side) to add things for the fabulous offspring we produced.... a Leo and a Virgo. Ain't nobody's business but yours....

Welcome home ~~ we left the light on for ya! (( hugs / abrazos ))

I am always so glad to come into this forum and find weirdos like me ~~ 13 years (ya, YEARS!!) this past July and I still think 'WTF?!'. I have moved to another country, there is little minutiae left from the life we had together (we do have the combined DNA ~ they are two lovely humans - doing fine either because of us or in spite of us ) but I am packing 205 pounds of love and memories around in my head and heart... sometimes, I wonder if it's too my own detriment.

I went to my very first GTG (Widownet's nomenclature for 'bago) about 18 months after John died ~ I was nervous. The GTG was in Las Vegas, a favourite 'quick getaway' for us and a place we had gone many times and had good fun ~ but it was also organized by a couple that had met through WN and recoupled... I registered for the hotel with my maiden name, didn't give too many details about myself, etc etc ... truly, I thought: 'If I feel uncomfortable or don't like these people, I am going to disappear and they won't be able to find me..' I am very good friends with the couple now (they are the epitome of 'class' at these kinds of gatherings), and had a very positive experience all those years ago, but I was protecting my heart and my fragile being... and would have bailed in an instant had I felt the need to do so. Good for you for protecting yourself ~ no one else can do that for you.

Truly ~ I am a Weather Refugee here. I grew up in the Yukon Territory and then 35 years on the Canadian prairies ~ I don't have to prove nothing to nobody anymore! LOL Shoveled my fair share of driveways and sidewalks, drove on frozen tires, had downfilled everything at some point in my life (including a housecoat from Eddie Bauer -- ) only to discover a severe allergy to feathers... and walked to school in 40 Below, in the days it was Fahrenheit ~ and did it at -40C when we switched to SI (frikken cold in either scale). C'mon down, the beer is cold and you only need one wardrobe.

I went home to Canada to do Dutiful Daughter Duty ~~ long story, but my mother's long time partner has the compassion of a day old newspaper, and would have expected a meal on the table once she made it home from hospital. I may have caused a ruckus ~ she and the partner of 34 years got into a huge fight a couple nights after she come home ~ like: 'If you don't step up and help, pack your bags and leave' kind of fight... so things were tense. I kept my nose out of it - of of his whines was that supper was at 8 pm one night because I went to visit her in the hospital -- it may have caused the fight as I heard: 'Guess what, ASSHOLE!? She is here for ME, not YOU!' --- Oy. Thank to the Universe for wine. Good news - biopsy report came back that 19 of 19 lymph nodes taken outside of the colon have come back clean, she appears to have dodged a bullet and for her troubles is about 12" and 1 malignant tumour less than 13 August. Not So Good news - the gall bladder issues that triggered the whole investigation have resurfaced and she will probably undergo a second surgery as soon as the colon resection has healed. I am back in Costa Rica ~ I slept until 930am this morning --- ya, 930. It was pre-death the last time I slept past 630 am... still letting that sink in for me. Thanks to all for sympathy and kind words ~~~

Thanks, I feel uncomfortable commenting on US politics despite the HUGE impact it has on us up here (it ain't easy having the US for neighboUrs...) but please please please leave this insufferable bore on reality TV where he belongs... America will surely be hovering over the abyss on one tippy toe if they elect this buffoon as POTUS.

There was some rules?!?!?! Uh oh ----

My mother will undergo colon cancer surgery on 13 August ... a pre-cancerous polyp was removed during her colonoscopy last week, and a tumour observed and biopsied. Bad News: Tumour is malignant and they will remove it and resection the colon. Decent News: it appears to be early stage, and the only occurance. I came back from Costa Rica on the weekend -- my residency there was finalized on 7 July.... colonoscopy on 14 July, I went to the pre-surgery consultation with her yesterday. Fuck.

I think that a lot of people on dating sites don't really want to date...

... sucking for the 14 th year in a row. That is all.

So sorry -- I am so possessed with my kids health, they have horrible genetics from their dad's family -- cancer, diabetes, thyroid... a regular little buffet of 'crap to deal with' ** sigh ** Somehow, I worry more about it all than the kids do...? Breath deep, repeat. And have some chocolate -- you also need to look after yourself.

Fer sher, the first day I threw open my suitcase and discovered my cousin's clothes - identical suitcases. She was at least 8" taller and 30 pounds lighter than me, so I could use the socks... and little else. The second day we had drove over the cooking gear for camping in Alaska (put it under the car - my mother's wood panel station wagon - we were sleeping on a foamie in the back)... and had a frying pan and a aluminum coffee pot for the rest of the week. Still managed to have sex a couple times a day though ~~ thought even that was challenging: in July there is about 20 hours of daylight a day in the Yukon , and the car did not have tinted windows.