Nuggets

.... she had the NERVE to wear a white dress! I never wanted to get married, always thought it was a pretty shitty deal for women... but I ended up caving because the dood was my best friend and whaddoo you know: I was his QUEEN for 23 years. 6 July 1979 --- fabulous day for a wedding.

Thanks, for the replies and to the mods for letting the colossal swear stand.... In true fashion, I have a formal enquiry to look for parts for a very old piece of equipment ... from Joan and her husband. And she offered the $300 that I charge to open a file and begin the Request for Quotation process (I am a Supply Chain Management consultant). I told her to write me a cheque. private joke, we have written cheques to each other in the past, and never cashed them. She said: 'I'm not on my last leg just yet, we need to get this equipment going...' We will be Business as Usual, until there's no more Business or nor more Usual. *sigh*

John's sister has been sent home to die --- she had a 90% resection of her stomach in 2003 because of a GIST. At that time was told to go to Australia and say goodbye to kids and g-kids and get her affairs in order - in 2008 they told her to 'Git' out of the cancer clinic in Northern Alberta -- they had no idea how come she was a 5 year survivor, but she was and to get out there and live large. In early 2014 she started feeling poorly and it was discovered she had stomach cancer in the site of the the original GIST -- no stomach there, but she has stomach cancer there -- and there were mets to esophagus, clavicle and hip. She declined chemotherapy after having a rough time in the first 2 treatments, and told the oncologists to do what they could without chemo. Last Tuesday, she was told there was marked increase in the tumours in all 4 sites, she was not surprised because she was also feeling weaker and had lost 10 pounds since her last check. I am heart broken -- I don't have a sister, but always thought I would chose Joan if I could pick one for myself. She and John adored each other and were the closest in age and life philosophy of the 5 siblings -- I can only wish her a pleasant passage and peace for her husband (#2, she was widowed 22 years ago -- to cancer) and her children and grandchildren.

** waving from Costa Rica ** Sorry to hear about drama & losses --- this place is open 24/7/365 and they can come back if they want or need to --- sometimes a step back, deactivation or abandon ship is in order to clear heads and take a deep breath. It would be alarming ONLY if this was the first place it ever happened.

So glad to see posts that you are home and in your comfortable surrounds (with fur peepull watching over you) --- please keep posting. It is amazing what a blessing 'good health' is -- we usually don't understand that until we get sick or 'good health' is threatened. Look after you...

Awwww - heart singing up here --- I stopped in at a Safeway yesterday (BIG ass day driving from my mom's back to Alberta and I bought a big bag of SINFUL Lay's potato chips for the last hour of driving! PPPPPLLLLPPP!!!), as I walk up there is a Pit Bull tied up at the Dawg Hitching Post (we do that stuff up here) and he/she/it is barking and barking -- everyone is scared. This dawg had such sweet energy and demeanour and I said: "It's OK, honey -- your human will be back soon" ... the dawgie then goes into paroxysms of pleasure because because someone said something nice and paid attention. I like dawgs more than humans most days. Hope your dawgie finds a good human - but mostly, I hope it finds YOU!

** heart hurts ** I was another that was touched by her 'realness' and we had several exchanges in PM. One lively (and somewhat silly) exchange was me encouraging her to get a Passport - if only for the excitement about 'possibilities', and promised her a road trip through the Rocky Mountains if she ever found herself in Canada with said Passport. Rest, sweet lady --- you are remembered well.

None -- but please don't ask about books, magazines, CD's -- that number is cringe-worthy. I loathe TV, especially: Faux, CNN, most US mainstream stations, most Canadian mainstream stations and all foreign stations. I like to read and listen, and I love movies. Go ahead and put me on the No-Fly List.

Normal is a setting on your dryer -- Go ahead and have that bat shit crazy day any time you want.

I freakin' love the stuff -- my kids make gross choking noises because of the smell, but I notice they both have some in their cleaning supplies I got a tip many years ago to use Lestoil on greasy laundry stains --- and know for a fact it works fabulous. I have also dumped half a cup of household ammonia into musty laundry (towels and socks!) In Costa Rica I can only buy industrial ammonia -- whooo - ee! about a tablespoon in a 10 liter bucket is all I need, and a 3 liter jug lasts several years. I bleach whites sometimes and then only things like tea towels, sheets, etc --- I have seen more wrecked clothes because of bleach than I care to mention.

Lock up your money. Your purse is no different than your room or your pockets - they should not be entering without your permission. If you suspect your children have stolen from you, make them turn out their pockets... or give 15 minutes for the money to be returned. This is dangerous behaviour now, and in the future will get them in trouble with the law at worst, or get their lights punched out for them at the least -- mom may scream at them, but someone else might slap the living shit outta them - or worse.

Vinegar, Household Ammonia, Baking Soda and Coarse Salt.... Just about anything I need to clean can be done with one of these ingredients - anything I have bought usually has one of these items listed in the first 5 ingredients.

I found this funny -- I think men have sworn off me! My interest is directly proportional to how busy my life is -- busy life, no interest... things are quiet, I start thinking I should date. I would love to be loved again, but I don't think I can sit on my front steps and wait for someone to come along and love me. It's tough, and I wish it was easier for all of us.

I call this 'Influence from the Grave' (Urn or *insert storage method here*) and we, as Survivors ... have to make the best decisions for those left standing. When you die, you can no longer demand, manipulate or influence -- because you're dead. It would provide your FIL comfort if you assured him that you would continue to be open to a honest & decent relationship with SIL. It's not your problem if that doesn't exist right now, and may not exist in the future or ever -- but you have no obligation to initiate or mentor that relationship if it will be harmful to your daughter. You are expected to protect your children, end of story.

I've heard John's voice... usually a single word, a couple times it was my name. Comforting but a little eery too. A couple weeks after he died I swear I felt him sit on the side of the bed.... Every once in awhile one of the kids uses as word that was uniquely his (for example, he called beans -- like pork 'n' beans in a can - 'fluffers' because a fart was a 'fluff' ) and it gives me a bit of start.

So sorry -- you did the right thing. ((hugs))

I was at a pub once and a guy gave me his card, it had his name and number but his title was 'Expert' nothing else, just 'Expert' -- I got a giggle from that. One of my BFF's (an older gay man) says: 'You can throw away parenting advice from the childless, relationship advice from a Catholic priest and grieving advice from someone that has not experienced death, dying or profound loss... ' --- I'm wondering what STERBS Lady's creds were on a HUMAN level, and am happy she found something that works ready made in the can for herself.

Dimes. There is a popular convention in believers of afterlife and paranormal activity that dimes are sent by loved ones. I have about 600 collected in the last 12+ years -- they always come at times when I need them, and I always pick them up, give them a kiss and say 'Thank you, babe - I'm thinking about you too!' There was several of these discussions on the mothership, but now lost forever - I will cut and paste a post I made on Widownet a couple years ago (they have a forum for Afterlife Discussions - hint) ** This one is from May 2009: I had a couple dime experiences in Australia ~ the Aus nickle is thin and small like a North American dime, and I found several Aus nickles and thought: 'Close, but not quite the same....' until a week before I was returning home and found TWO Aus nickles on the pavement in my parking spot (where I had been parking for 6 weeks and didn't see them). Seemed like a bit of a smack on the head to me ~ and I got some comfort. I took a leisurely return to Calgary - stopped for 6 days in Hawaii and spent 4 of those days with my brother in Kihei, Maui. I found a dime on Maui and one in Honolulu ~ both in parking lots, so 100% explainable but 110% comforting. Carried on from Honolulu and stopped in California for 3 days -- the sink in the Napa Valley hotel room was slow draining, so I got out my little flashlight and took a look and there was a dime sitting flat on the trap. I fished it out and kept it for my piggy bank (I had to get a bigger bank, I filled the itty bitty black ceramic pig).... um, explainable - sort of, odd - you bet. So anyway I finally arrive in Calgary on 18 March - (departed Melbourne, Victoria, Aus on 9 March) and I am in a funk: it is frikkin' COLD here, the place is a sty after 5 months of my children's care and I am NOT 100% convinced that I'm glad to be back. But I've found 21 dimes since I got back home --

Torn. As my brother said on the weekend: Do we go with the Calgary Shames or the Vancouver Fuckups? We be Flamin' for now -- just because, well --- because we don't know any better.

Yes!!!! to all of our awesome offspring! My turn now 1. Offspring #1 (aka Heather Elizabeth) will be 34 in August - was 20 when her dad died (they were sooo close and are soooo much alike). She is brilliant, and has always marched to her own drummer - and is probably one of the most empowered women that could come out of a union between 2 committed feminists. She worked for 10 years for various security companies, including 5 years with Brinks Canada - was one of their top ATM tech, qualified with 50/50 at the range EVERY time (twice a year - with a Smith & Wesson MP40 in eastern Canada and a Colt 45 in western Canada) and still has the Class 3 Drivers Licence required for the armoured cars. She quit in 2012 - she was having problems with the glass ceiling -- wanted out of 'the barns' and into management - was thwarted at every turn. She went back to school in 2012 and got a Marketing and Business Development diploma this past December. She has had health issues for half of her life -- is now RIT Hypothyroid and is being treated for PCOS -- she had a major surgery in September and her right Fallopian Tube and a football sized mass was removed. She is actively looking for work and I hope she lands something for her fabulous self soon -- she is bunked in with her brother in an arrangement that I had nothing to do with, and it is working. 2. Offspring #2 (aka Ian Marc) will be 25 in September - was 11 when John died. They were buddies, but of the two - he is most like me for politics and life philosophy. He finally finished school last May -- he did a two year polytechnic diploma program in Electrical Engieering Technology, then decided to pursue a degree in Electrical Engineering - which required 2 terms of an Engineering Bridge and 3 years of University -- the 3 years included 4 co-op / internship terms. He is working in Alberta at a company that employed me as Senior Buyer many years ago -- he is a Junior Controls Engineer for them. He has a cute little 2 bedroom condo rented about 5 minutes from his office, and invited his sister to share the place and help out with the domestics (he finally got it that those chores don't just happen ) until she gets on her feet. He has paid off a small Line of Credit, a small credit card debt and paid SCANDALOUS rent for the past 6 months. Some lessons just get taught by life, and I get to stand back and watch. I graduated both of them with no student loans - it has been like a raise in pay in 2015 for me! I am so proud of them both - they are decent human beings. What more can a parent hope for?

Used to go on the D-o-D and send up a helium balloon -- then discovered I could send up a balloon from just about anywhere on the planet on 21 July, and have from several awesome spots on this planet. Used to go on our wedding anniversary with a coffee, sit on his marker and cuss him out for dying on me. Used to go sometime in November -- before snow and lay a cedar bough wreath for the holidays and his birthday on 1 Jan - festive, not. Now, I go whenever I can -- it's the prettiest piece of property I own right now, actually - with a kick ass view of downtown Calgary. I am adrift these days between Canada and Costa Rica, between Victoria (moving out of here right now) and Calgary (where the cemetery is). Who knows? Maybe my next visit will be permanent -- my instructions are to plant me in the same spot, whether it's a bag of ashes or a corpse depends on where I am when I pass my Best Before date. Someone else (offspring or my brother) gets to worry about that part of the transaction - I'll be dead.

Hugs from the Great White North.... Isn't it amazing at how close the abyss is --- there, just at the edge of consciousness. Stay here with us, Bear.

You owe these people nothing. They have not earned your good favour or your trust and should not expect ANY acts of good will from you. You have to protect yourself and your children from toxic people... these people seem to qualify as 'toxic'. Let the ex-girlfriend continue as the beneficiary of their loving gestures

John and I were in an LDR in the late '70's -- long before 'Internet for the Masses' and phone plans --- it was expensive, and we wrote a LOT of thick letters... (I kept all mine, and now they are in the casket with the author --- ). The first relationship I was in after he died was VLDR -- with him in New Zealand and me in Canada. The second (and last) relationship wasn't nearly as LDR with ONLY ONE TIME ZONE CHANGE -- he was in SoCal and me in Alberta. So, with John - it worked out pretty good , I moved from the Yukon to Alberta willingly because it was a good option for me (I was just finished trade school, wanting out of the Yukon, etc) - we lived together for a year and married in 1979. He died in my arms 2 weeks after our 23rd anniversary. The fellow from NZ: not so good, time we spent together was fun and fabulous... he had been twice divorced and was not interested in going that route again. We both were raising teenage sons and were fearful of messing up theirs lives by blending families. He could NOT come to Canada, I could have went to NZ because of family history... but it never got that far. In the end, we drifted the distance after his 23 yr old son completed suicide in 2006 - I didn't have the skills and intensity to support him, and he had a very difficult time. We are still friends and I hear from him (or his daughter, she was in favour of the union and still says her dad was a 'dumbass' for letting me go -- sweet lady) often. The fellow from Socal: not so good. Again, he was fun and funny and we were able to spend a lot of time together with the relative ease between Calgary and LA - and he was was in Calgary several times a year for work. He had big trust issues because of his divorce, I didn't think it was fair that I would be measured with the scale he used for his ex-wife. Things faded to a quiet, pathetic whimper once he took a position in the Deep South of US and getting together got increasingly difficult. We parted amicably after 4 years - I felt that he should have a fair idea if he was interested in a future with me after 4 years, he still wasn't sure -- was as good as 'No' for me, and I wished him well in his new life in 'The Land of Bugs and Sweat' (his words, he was not impressed with living in Alabama - and it may have had something to do with his demeanour ). I have not heard from him since. My opinion: for the relationship to grow to a point where you are discussing whether to share a life and future together - someone has to be willing to make big changes to their life. While dating and getting to know each other -- everyone is on their best behaviour and things go pretty good -- but eventually you grow tired of being alone even though you have a significant other, boyfriend/girlfriend or new life partner. The apart times are cumbersome, the together times go by too quickly. Last was 2012 - nothing since then, I am holding out for someone in my own town --- I'm 1 out of 3 for the LDR route and the Universe seems to be sending me a message

'Rumors' is the first LP (dating myself - yes, it was vinyl) I bought for myself -- almost wore it out. 'Rooms on Fire' is one of the best songs ever -- thanks for the reminder... humming along now