Kealoha

What a huge step-- on both fronts. Big big hugs to you.

I think you deserve to enjoy yourself! And from the sound of it your friends will be much better company than your sons for brunch. All consistent with making them figure things out on their own. Keep your chin up mama, I know I was not the easiest teen and I so appreciate my parents now that I am one. Happy Mother's Day!

Mo12, you are not alone in this. Moving is definitely stressful esp when the timeline is not really your choice. We're in a very similar situation-- lucky to have family support but also trying to juggle a lot of changes in location and logistics in one of the most expensive real estate/rental markets in the country. DD is a toddler too, and I have the same concerns about longer term impact on her. I am still not very far out but some of the advice I received has been helpful as I work through all this. At this age kids don't remember much, just the love coming from you. Make sure you are in tbe best place for you to be able to provide that. Kids are very adaptable and resilient. Please take with a grain of salt as I am still in the widow fog, but even so this resonated with me and helped to calm my anxiety. Also what helped me to make decisions all my life was to analyze, but also trust my instinct. Sometimes I pretend to make a decision one way and live with it for a few days to see how it feels. In any case, the fact that you are worried shows that you are a great mom. Parents in general worry about this and being a solo parent compounds it, but we are not alone in our concerns either. Trust in yourself to make the right decisions for your family. Sounds like you have done an amazing job already. Big hugs and I hope you find a place that works for you.

Congratulations! What a great recognition of your parenting too. External validation isn't necessary by any means but it sure helps. .

Hugs hugs hugs Deedee. I have no good words right now but wanted to say I am thinking of you and your children.

Captainswife, thank you. I really don't know what to tell DD right now, or even if I should, and it helps to know what you have done. She understands quite a bit and is great about communicating (very basic sign language for please, food, etc and some words) but this concept is way too complex. I am sorry you struggle with this too. The weird thing is I find myself sometimes more worried about how she will take it as a teen, more than as a little girl. Ie, "you should've told me earlier/later/differently..." And then resenting me for how I did or didn't handle it. I know that is blowing things out of proportion but it is also hard for me to rein my anxiety in. DH was always so good at grounding me. I am a practical person but also get "analysis paralysis" easily. Sorry for the digression. It is really great that your son is so close to your inlaws. We are geographically close too and so I want to make it a very regular thing for DD to see her other grandparents too. They are very nice people and have so much to tell her and us about DH. It is early days so sometimes seeing them is hard for me but it is not them, just these circumstances. Sigh.

Sounds like the best of both worlds. Congratulations!!!

Hugs, PJ. +1 on Rob's care.com recommendation. I liked the background check feature and saw a number of college/nursing students with profiles on there too. Also as a bonus some will also do light housework or cooking or grocery shopping (says on their profile). If you google a little bit they often have discount codes for your first month or so. http://www.retailmenot.com/view/care.com Also, if you are on facebook, can you join a local parents fb group for your area? i found that there were a lot of good recommendations re local babysitters and you can also cross reference this with care.com. Hope you find someone who can be part of your "village".

Amazing that my widow brain could remember this, but I barely remember what I ate for breakfast (or if I ate...). : @Questions, Glad I could be of some small help! the funny thing is I'm completely an air dry girl too-- and have stick straight hair so on the very few occasions when I do use the hairdryer, no need for the diffuser. But I end up keeping it anyway just because it "goes" with the dryer. @widowat33, thank you! I will have to find it this weekend and post. Good luck all with the spring cleaning, should turn up some interesting finds.

oh Ursula. so sorry we are all in this... thank you for the offer to talk and also for the great ideas. DH was a great musician too and there is a lot of video/audio that I want to save. i haven't been able to listen to any of it yet though-- so painful to think about. I am really dreading the time when I will have to explain why she does not have a dad here... I am so sorry that you have to watch your son suffer. that is the worst, knowing that you can't take the hurt away from them. You sound like a fantastic mother and kudos to you for keeping it all going. It's something I can aspire to... your son is lucky to have you. hugs and thank you again.

Baby brain + widow brain = ... now where was I again? Was coming back from a walk with my dad and DD, and instead of saying, "Grandpa is going to take off his shoes," what came out was "Grandpa is going to put on his shirt.". wtf. I am really watching what I say at work. Used to be so articulate and now it's like I had a brain transplant.

My guess is for hairdryer diffuser attachment? I also have a random doohickey that says Canon on it but I cannot figure out how it relates to a camera at all. I would have to find it to post a pic so for now perhaps it's better that it stays wherever it is.

As a new widow one month into this, I just want to say that all your time spent sharing has already helped a lot and I truly appreciate it. And continuing to contribute will be such a valuable resource for the newer widows. Thank you.

Thank you batmanswidow, I love that idea. I've asked close friends and family to write letters to DD and also we had people leave notes with memories at the celebration of life, but I never thought of having it be an ongoing journal. Thank you. I did start a little notebook with all the special daddy-daughter moments and routines they shared, but it also makes me sad that there was so little time. I think I will use that as my journal for her (as opposed to the one where I write letters to DH for myself). I am sorry for your loss too, the first year is not easy and you deserve a huge award for everything. Actually I think everyone on here deserves an award just for making t through. Big hugs to you and DS too. I will definitely need advice on the solo parenting and working thing.

Hi Deedee, i'm also a month out from my husband's accident and on that same emotional rollercoaster. Big hugs to you. One of dh's friends came by the house about 5 days after and told me that he was completely numb the first couple days but now was finally able to sleep and get back into the real world. I had no energy to even tell him how he should go back and share that with his wife and not me. So, you never can tell what will come out of people's mouths. You are allowed to react however you want, or at least that's what I keep telling myself. Whatever helps me through the next minute or hour or day. If you need an ear I am here.

I told two of my closest friends they could come over to help me pack up books and things to put into storage. (Side note: most expensive moving help ever, both are doctors) I asked another local friend if he could help m put together some storage cabinets These are pretty big steps for me since I tend to be fiercely independent and a do-it-mysef type... And have always previously put together all of my own furniture that needs assembling. But I am learning to accept and ask for help which I will need to do in many ways along this journey.

My vote is for compliment. Today she'd probably say "you make money like a woman". 😊 Sending hugs. I am in the same boat but also have the motivation of setting an example for my daughter; as a new widow though I will just have to see how things work out. Before this happened I would also rely on volunteer activities or a hobby to help buffer those bad days at work, and give me additional motivation (ie, because I work the income allows me to help these people in some small way). Or this could be the "something fresh" that helps? Again I am still in a haze so have no idea how this works as a widow... Regardless, I hope you are able to find fulfillment-- sending my best wishes.

Calimom, thank you. I am sorry for your loss too... It gives me much hope to hear that your husband is still a great presence in your family, even for your youngest. I will definitely take you up on the PM offer, very much appreciate it. I am pretty inarticulate right now as everything is so jumbled, but somehow in all of this you were able to tell me what I needed to hear. Thank you.

i was actively looking for less demanding jobs in the weeks before the accident. I've invested years and a grad degree to get to where I am and DH was proud of that-- after DD was born though I wanted to scale back significantly. It is fortunate that I wasn't successful in those plans i suppose. My manager and my team are fantastic, I really couldn't ask for a better environment, but the parameters of the job are such that I need to make decisions and guide the team (across global timezones) and so there is no real 9-5. Right now I have no clue how it will work in the next few months. My 50% travel was already scaled back for maternity leave which helps. I take a lot of pride in what I do and am fortunate to have family/friends nearby for support so that I can continue to do my job. I am somewhat wary of the effect this will have on DD particularly as she gets to school age (1yo now) and can understand more about why Mommy is at work vs spending time with her. But i guess I have some time to look at options...

Thanks BentNOTbroken. I found a thread with kids book suggestions on ywbb and have saved some of the titles for future reference; they are mainly for the 4+ age group though and so I was going to do a little more digging later to see which (if any) could be used at an earlier age. I'm not really sure how to deal with it either. It is terrible that we are in this club but I appreciate the support. I wish you well on this journey too. Can't have too many people to lean on. Seven months is a great age, and there is so much good stuff to come. Hang in there. I am sure you are doing a great job raising her.

Love my crockpot, but last year switched over to an electric pressure cooker which was game-changing both in terms of timing and flavor. Chicken and veggies ready in about 20 mins. I dislike cleanup so am thrilled with one pot that can be used to saute (without lid) and then you can just pop the lid on to cook. Hippressurecooking.com has great recipes, i am not affiliated but love the site.

One month ago my incredible husband and father to our 1 year old daughter was killed in a car accident. I have been so busy in the last weeks with arrangements, preparing to move, etc that I am wondering if I am doing both myself and our DD a huge disservice by overlooking something or not making enough time to just be still. I do tend to process by doing things, and am trying to be really conscious of not overdoing it. DD "talks" to our pictures of him and clearly misses him. I am so heartbroken about losing the man who was perfect for me and so much better than I could've imagined... And also grieving our future and all the plans we had. I read on ywbb a little before it was shut down and am very appreciative for all who shared their stories. It helps to feel less alone. For those with young kids who were very little at the time, any advice to help her know her dad as she grows up? Things you found useful or wish you had done in hindsight? We say goodnight to pictures every night, and I will be keeping all his stuff until I have time to go through it, so was thinking about a memory quilt... Also we are fortunate to have good friends who will tell her stories about her dad when she gets older. Would be grateful for any insights you have.