MissinGrizz

I swore I wouldn't date until my kids were grown, and I'd never remarry. I am now married and blended. You are not dishonoring your late wife. You are here and breathing and apparent feeling. That's a good thing. Ask her.

Whose name is on the deed to the plot? If it is yours, then they'll need your approval. If your husband would've really wanted her to be happy, you could say she can do it, but all you can spare is $XX towards it as it's not something you want but you want to take some burden off of her. Maybe $500? I'm surprised the cemetery would allow a bench.

I agree it's Mel. This is from an article on the topic. "But giving advice is not psychotherapy. Therapy is a place to explore your feelings and learn about yourself. It?s a place of self-discovery. It?s a place to find out how you have become tangled up and a place to learn how to untangle yourself."

I am remarried, but I could not get rid of those things. I had boxes full of cards and love letters and such. After all, we were together for 21 years. At first it was too difficult, and I put them in the attic. Then, after moving into my new home with DH, I decided it was time. I got a nice trunk and sorted. I read through anything that didn't seem like it would be good if my kids read: stuff about fights that no longer matter, etc. Then I put the rest in envelopes based on years and placed them in the trunk. That trunk is in my teen daughter's room. She likes to read through some of it. I have one other tote in the attic that has some special ones just for me to revisit if/when needed. I don't have any shrines in our home, but I my kids both have multiple pictures in their rooms, and I have a few photos on our digital frame that is also filled with our new life. It's kind of interesting to see the mix.

Pit bulls are very hard to get exceptions for. My home insurance even has them on a blocked breed clause. I'm very sorry you have to give them up. I hope your new guy appreciates it.

I've recoupled but still have that melancholy. Just because some of us seem to have reached a higher level, doesn't meant we have. I love my new life but loved my old one and miss my DH very much. It's been well over five years....my husband still grieves for his brother 30 years after losing him.....we never truly soar without a little weight on our wings, reminding us of what's gone...thus that sky-high level is hard to maintain.

It's not silly at all. My fur any didn't leave my side and even tried to protect me from the police when they came to give the news. I'm sorry

My brother met his wife on EHarmony; my mom met her partner of six years on Match; my sister dating a bunch of scumbags on Match and POF. It's all about luck and screening and location. Good luck and congrats on making this step.

I was under the impression that it was only when one siblings' benefit ended that the other's went up, not if a parent's did. I didn't receive benefits, though, so I'm not sure.

I'm so happy for you. Congratulations.

Call the police to escort you in to get your things, at least the ones obviously yours (like yours and your son's clothes). They will do so. I had a friend who had to do this. If you don't, he may destroy them. If that's the case, remember . . . they are THINGS. This is your life. You are so strong for doing this. The fact that he is responding the way he is shows you that you made the right choice. How is your son handling all of this?

Congrats. I think the move to high school will help you, too. They are a bit more mature, although the correcting load is heavier. I hope you have a successful move and enjoy your new work colleagues as well.

Sometimes what we don't want to hear is exactly what we need to hear. I don't know about the mean post that was deleted as I never saw it, but the rest . . . even if it's gone to us, it's in the poster's head, and one day, it may help.

I'd need to be more of a priority than that to pack up everything and move. Could you, after selling your home, put stuff in storage and do a one-year stint in England and take a sabbatical? I'm not sure of your subject area, but there are lots of opportunities out there, and a one-year experience for your daughter might be wonderful. Then, if it doesn't work out, you have the experience but also the job still waiting back home. You could rent a place until you decided on something more permanent. You are very brave for considering going over there for a relationship that exists mainly on emails (which is what it sounds like), even if he is awesome (which he must be if TFO says so :-) . Since you are that brave, then know that you will find friends wherever you go. You don't need him to have a group for you. Just join a playgroup with your daughter or a book club or something. I bet you'd have friends in no time. Best wishes to you!!!!!

My LH and CH don't look alike at all, except both have blue eyes, although I didn't notice CH's eyes until like date three as I was too nervous to look. LOL. I actually stood on tip-toes to his CH for the first few months we dated until he pointed out I didn't need to. Poor guy likely knew why I was (DH was six inches taller than he is). There are some similarities in their personalities that I didn't notice at first. Both are outgoing with a goofy sense of humor, both honor the military and love the same movies (they have the same favorite movies and Christmas carol and a few other things that creeped me out). But . . . DH had a light about him that made people gravitate to him, was a wonderful mix of an athlete and a nerd, loving books and fantasy and a child-like beauty. CH doesn't let himself get all childlike and just have a good time and play. I miss that so so much. But, on the flip side, I can count on him in ways I couldn't count on DH. He's an adult and is responsible in ways DH never was. I sure wish I could merge the best parts of both of my loves, but I feel blessed to have been loved by two very worthy men that are very different with a smattering of surprising similarities.

While unlike TFO, my husband knows loss and understands my fears, that line quoted above really hit home. ((hugs))

It makes perfect sense because you state "HE COMPARES ME TO HER." That is so very wrong and unfair. I'm so sorry.

OMG . . . that first one. I felt so awful when my husband said that to me the first time. He didn't miss a beat and said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I know it's not the same for you, and that's okay," which made it even worse. Whenever he says something like that, or how he's "NEVER felt _______," I cringe. I don't want to hurt him. My response now is, "You are the love of this half of my life . . .two very different chapters in my life, one as a 19-40 year old, doing all of the firsts together (job, house, kids), but this one just as important. As for the fear of accidents, interestingly enough we were playing an online version of the Newlywed game last night for fun, and when the question came up, "What is your spouse's greatest fear," he immediately said "death of one of us" (meaning him or the kids). I didn't realize I made it so obvious. As for the not understanding, there are ways to understand without being a widower. He lost his little brother when he was 15, and he was the one pulling him on a sled on an ATV when it happened, so he gets it. He saw his parents grieve, and he still grieves, thirty years later. There are lots of ways people can understand that might not be exactly the same, but still are enough for them to get it.

I still grieve my late husband, but while my new husband knows that's what's happening when I pull back a bit, I try not to dwell on it and move past the moment and enjoy the rest of the day until it happens again. I long for my late husband in a different way now, not so much romantically as missing my friend of two decades and wanting to chat about life and the kids . I also feel badly that he's not enjoying the things I am now, and want to share these experiences. Still, I feel I've learned so much and grown so much that my current husband has a better wife than my late husband does, if that makes sense. I do t know if I'd be better off if my husband was a widower. I think I'd embrace her but also wonder when we were together how often he was thinking of her. I respect my husband so much for being able to navigate all of that.

I'm sorry you are hurting. The missing is still there for me, after 5.5 years and remarriage. I miss my friend and just want to chat, hear his beautiful laugh....sigh.

I didn't see what led to deletion, and I do feel important lessons were on that thread; however, it was Mel's decision, and I understand. She shared and then regretted it. I just hope some sank in. I am concerned, at this point more for her daughter than anything.

With the tax breaks buying may make more sense but emotionally it sounds like you should rent for a year and then decide. Building the 401k is a great idea and shows looking forward

That child would cost you more than the 8,000 per year. Tubes tied here. I love my kiddos but they cost a lot!

Wow

Damn. Sorry Gracelet.