tybec

New to dating. Just started in Feb. after 4 yrs., 2 weeks of LH's death. So, waited a while compared to many. All I can say is I need control, which you think I would have let go of a long time ago given LH's untimely death. Our humanness just gets in the way. That being said, I had a list of rules in my head of what I would and would not do. I HAVE BROKEN EVERY RULE I MADE. And I don't regret it, now, either. A divorced friend of mine shared that NO one has walked in my path, so any advice given is always from another perspective. I KNOW this, but, you still ask anyway. So, best advice, already given here, is to listen to you and your needs, wants, values, etc. and make the best choice for yourself and family if you have kids. And be confident enough to share your wants and needs, and if they can't handle it, then maybe they are not for you. Try to cut yourself a break when you need it as you have never been here before. Good luck, Helen.

Oh, just an observation I have made. My kid watches some sitcoms that of course, have adult content. I shelter him, but he needs to get along in this world of ours, too. I thought about growing up with Fonzie on Happy DAYS, who was ALWAYS kissing girls, sometimes one under each arm. There were always make out sessions on the show with all the characters who were teens. Then other shows, like 3s Company, and the sexual innuendos. Watching that didn't warp me or think about my parents doing it, etc. I didn't run out and do it as a teen either because I saw it on TV. I think kids know a lot more than we give them credit and there is some research that supports that. So, you may talk to your 10 yr. old about kissing and such as she is seeing it if the TV is on ever. Teachable moments and then relate it to your situation, taking care to share what YOU want.

So new to dating, such a newbie! This resonated with me. Have dated new guy 2 months. PHone calls every night since first meeting, and live a little over an hour away, also. I had in my brain what I would do, my playbook of rules I fondly called it. I have thrown every rule out. I don't know why. I just have. I am cautious with my son, of course, and he has met NG now twice, once briefly. My son is 12 and wanted to meet him. I have been honest about we are dating, not girlfriend and boyfriend and we are getting to know each other. I KNOW NG much better than my son realizes, but he is a kid. My son has been quite perceptive about all of it, honestly, by what he states. He assures me it is not odd and strange to him, but I have not pushed it on him. I have not met NG's kids and hope it will be a while as they quite young. NG comes from a divorced family and his mom started dating about the same age and he has been helpful in suggestions and insight which I appreciate. Honesty as age appropriate is my motto. Children don't need to know all the adult business. Answer questions as much as you feel comfortable. The loyalty issues will come up, and I just hope the door to communication is open as I have tried it to be. GOOD LUck!

Well, glad that sparked some conversation. NG stated he tends to be transparent as his MOA, versus evasive. I didn't KNOW how evasive I had been, actually. NEW to this, ya know. My profession lead me to not want to be found easily, as I didn't want folks in my town seeing me and talking, but it probably has happened a bit. I live next to a large army post, where LH worked, so I was familiar with some things. I practiced googling myself, and he was right. 3 simple things, first name, location and profession lead to linked in and then FB, too. He gave me suggestions I could use to change that quick of a search. I work with law enforcement, too, and they said it would be par for any person in the field to search. NG and I are having lots of fun, and I can't say the other men who contacted me were as direct, honest or gentlemanly as him, even in chatting, etc. But good to hear different perspectives. THANKS!

As I am new to this world, maybe someone else may benefit from this tidbit. I am in a small town, and the dating site required the town you live in. I gave my NG my first name, he knew my town I lived in, and then I told him my professional credentials. He found me on LinkedIn from that. He is former and retired Military in terrorist "stuff."And a former MP and officer. So, he told me he looked me up to show HE was trustworthy and a "normal" guy with lots of security clearance over the many years. He told me I was very evasive for our chats, but having a child and where I live, etc, I did it on purpose. BUt he still found me..... Doesn't take much, I guess.

No expert here by any means. I chose a Christian site, as that was important to me that at least folks SAID they were. They all were not, of course. I decided to lay it out straight. If they had no interest,so be it. Like a resume, lasts about 30 seconds, right? I said I had loved long and well and life changed on a dime. I noted I KNEW what a long lasting marriage was, as I had it, and was ready to pursue life with another. I figured all my insecurities could not be worse than for folks who never had a successful long term marriage. So far, I am now with my guy two months, and planning the summer activities. Long distance, but doable, and he is special. Lightening striking twice, maybe? Having fun regardless.... Oh, and my playbook of rules has been thrown out the window. AS NG said, major paradigm shift made. I have great friends backing me up on my decisions, and that helps. What a world we are in! Never thought of all this ever. ;-)

Well, I started on line the super bowl weekend, and I have been seeing a man ever since. I contacted him, we chatted for several nights, then phone, then face to face. I like him, a lot. I married the only guy I dated since age 14, 28 years together, my late husband. Can lightening strike twice? Crazy, we talk so much and get along. It is complicated, and I had to stop being a crazy teen like person, waiting for a message or text. But it is getting easier. Others are contacting me now, and coupled friends are living vicariously through me. Could it be? Could this work? IDK Oy, this world is so strange, isn't it?

Still off here most of the time. BUT I AM DATING! I got two kittens for Christmas as my 12 yr. old cat died in July earlier. When someone commented on my cats (cat lady), that threw me in. I am not that person, so date 4 is planned for this weekend. Talk nightly. Text daily. Feel like a crazy teen. It is fun, unnerving, scary and exciting. But so glad I took the plunge. Thanks to the forum for giving insight.....

You would think my stubborn head would learn to stop saying NEVER. I am on line, just 2 weeks. My widowed brother waited his obligatory yr. to get on line/date, and he has met a lovely lady, so far. He is 16 yrs. older than me, no kids, and only married once at age 50 to have his bride succumb to cancer 10 yrs. in. But I decided if my crazy brother could, I could. I appreciate all the comments here. I have two single friends giving me guidance, safety issues, etc. Never say never...

Haven't been here for over a year. Needed a break, and others before me had said as well at times. 4 years since DH died, car accident. Life continues, lots of changes, but it is different, getting better. Still in search of JOY. Still widowed and single, but finally feeling ready to meet someone, taking steps, and it shows in interactions! Took YRS to get here, so just my time frame. Help a dear friend/colleague that lost her DH to cancer Fall of 2014. Provide grief treatment now to kids, part of my trauma treatment I do/did for years but could not do for a while. Lots of healing showing. Something changed this fall of 2015, and I AM THANKFUL. A WEIGHT LIFTED OF SOME SORT. CAN'T EXPLAIN IT. JUST DID. Still learning, growing, changing. Still have collateral damage from the loss, but anger has decreased, acceptance is there. New identity forming, whether I like it or not. Not saying there are not bad days, but less and less and less intense. Sharing just because it is good, and I never would have believed it in the beginning. Many on this walk knew it already, but timing and audience for those encouraging words are crucial. Thanks to the WIDDA world that was a life line for a long time. Good luck to all and God bless.