Torn

A tough Christmas for sure,it's my second. However I gotta say, this day beats yesterday so here's hoping I'm on a "upswing" from here. I wish you all a great Christmas

I understand, I didn't fail either. What happened was my love for my spouse overflowed into the occasion. Those "remember when" times are unbelievable hard & I'm just at holiday number 2. All these things are so hard,that no one understands them except the person experiencing them. Please know you failed no one,your tears and emotion simply commemorate the memory of your spouse,his love for you was equally as true. I hope today you feel a lil better & that you know you didn't fail. You loved. Peace be with you, ToRn

It's really neat to hear you all go back and forth between one another regarding relationship & or not living together. When my wife passed,her and I had lived together 20 years. Well I miss being with a woman on that daily level.... Obviously everyone has chores and all I just miss that daily bond between man and woman. But it is what it is. You ladiess make me think of the little things between man and woman, house chores...etc. I miss the constant fun and friendship of a relationship, all pretty good memories.

Fuck these holidays that amplifie my loneliness. Fuck anyone who make each step of life a harder step forward. Fuck anyone with out compassion ton understand. Fuck each person that doesn't have the heart or spirit to help rather than condem Fuck each of the people that feel true loneliness and aren't offered comfort from another human. We are here to help one another & I'm happy for that.

Thank you all so much. She lashed out at me thanksgiving & now Christmas... Well screw em all, I swear I never have been so mad. It's really hard this year, holiday wise and to have the only kid you 'had' be a outright ass, well it tops everything. I wanted to go to my fatherinlaw house for Christmas,but Hell I don't want to be anywhere "they are". Shit like this makes you want to be a raving ass, right back at them and do things for spite. It's all I can do at this point to not ruin what lil relationship between us there is. So here I sit quietly pissed as a hornet. So really screw them, I dont deserve this disrespect at all. Hopefully thell be gone soon. It should prove something to me that each time they leave,I feel a lil better. I've been "sucking" it up to long,it's terrible. I mean damn,and I actually bought them a gift WTF am I thinking......lesson learned. Thank you al soooooooooo much, I really mean that. I've lost to much,and don't need the extra hatred in my life. Enough.

Yes, yes..... Congrats to you all, getting some Muahahaha

I'm no where near 6 years, however I am grateful that you couple of members offer us all hope and wish you guys a Merry Christmas

Response : If anyone leaves the dogs will be the last ones. That was awesome & made me smile, a smile is worth so much right now. Really that was a GREAT REPLY

1.I'm greatful a member here took time to PM me some support,and honestly I needed it . 2. So I get to live another day. 3.I'm posting here,where a bunch of people at least understand the feeling of loss, thank you all

Really I swear, it's exactly like it was when I was a child. I remember my mother being given the cold shoulder and her trying to understand what she had done,only to end in a screaming match that leads to physical violence. Then as a menopausal lady at that time,she often vented her anger onto me. I hated my life at those times and now : For all 20 years of marriage my wife and I never raised voices and worked things out,I kinda felt I made an example for my daughter,I really thought I did. Now to hear the screaming & fighting and feel I'm catching overflow is extremely painful and I can't stand it. I'm stuck,I miss my sweet/mean wife ,but she would have stopped this fighting or made them leave. It's aweful to try and deal with extreme physical pain and to also grieve loosing my wife. The addition of these 2 screaming,all the time wondering why their baby us screaming,well it's beyond hard for me....I can't stand it,I feel like I'm dying inside all over again, sickining. This is wrong & shouldn't be this way, I'm doing nothing be standing by and watching & waiting for them to escalate to becoming physical,well the baby is a month old,long time to go for them. If I'm talking to myself that's ok,I just am being made to feel so small and insignificant. This is tourchourous for me, I despise that boy, and I sure don't like that I dislike him like this. It's all to much & I wish there was a support hotline for people in Widow dispair. I'd be talking on that hotline right now.

What does the term DV,stand for? Well "Merry Christmas" Eve.. I woke up to a giant text message from my daughter,reguarding dogs and getting rid of them.... Every time I spend anytime with my daughter ,today we made brownies. There's a constant stressful afternoon I watch her indure. Stress from her (dumbass husband) & it overflows onto me & anything that can be pointed out as a trigger item she lashes out in my direction. Well I've experienced this on Thanksgiving & now Christmas eve. These 2nd year holidays have been hell for me emotionally & each of them are exasperated by my daughter. Common sence says that it's a stressful time for her aswell. I just don't honestly see why she lashes out on me like this. It's so painful, these holidays are hard enough.Then for my daughter who knew & loved her momma aswell to lash out,well it's devistating **heart pumping**. Part of me is ToRn to shreads the other part is just mad that there is no consideration for my feelings at all.. My pulse is steadily climbing & another holiday has been demolished by the young couple who evidently have no respect for me. I'm very sorry to rant,but I can't remember being so utterly disrespected in my life. At times I feel ToRn as to what is healthy to do as a father/grandfather,but at this point: I'm extremely sick & it's a effort to sit upright and spend time with my daughter and infant,then each time I do,there's some form of punishment when that lil guy gets home. Slamming doors,yelling and screaming from the 2 of them fighting...then it overflows onto me. I can't take it,but I don't want to see her move to a place where he can beat on her as his "grand final'e". Pain & Hate flow from me at an alarming rate right now,I guess I'm thankful to not be in tears. Dammit!!!!

It's obvious that it's so tough to do / experience other couples great times after loosing your special person. I find myself in a difficult situation where my daughter & her husband are concerned, I feel such loss I can't honestly even see the beauty in young people's love.

Wow, that's a ton of hard stuff to deal with, my heart goes out to ya. Your daughters are blessed,hopefully they know . Vent all ya can through these processes,worse case it could feel better to see it typed out in front of you rather than kept inside your head.

My heart goes out to you,as I do know the abnormal and dangers if excess pressure in the brain. Obviously we all want you 100% better and hopefully you get there soon. Like all things,stay positive my sister in head pain,I hope your next scan reveals more marked improvement

1. I woke up with a positive attitude towards the future,I feel crisp so to speak. 2.My current living situation ,I've allowed to get me down mentally, well I feel this will change for the better,simply because I've made a mental note to myself: Only I care about myself & my future and I must make the best of those things at all cost. 3.Yesterday I ran into a local lady who expressed interest in talking & stuff,kinda made me feel I'm of some value & I needed that connection & boost.

Thanks for the encouragement,it's my goal in life to see a specialist,I await insurance that will allow me to go out of state. I'm glad your son us doing better,always a blessing

Carey, So you had to have a brain MRI? I know those suck, ice had several & my future says I'll have many more. What where they checking for? I have Chiari 1 Malformation (brain herniation) & know to much on that subject.

1. I'm glad to have woke up today so I could live another day & try some more. 2. To have found support from this group,I need/ needed it. 3.Early this morning I went to a casino,because my wife and I used to go & I needed to leave home,for a purpose aside from food or doctor appointment. So I went intending to loose 40$; well I lost 38.00; and was getting rid of the last 2 dollars when the slot machine made a noise,hit 777 and paid out 465.50 ＼(^o^)／ . I felt like , I could feel my wife 'smirk' as I left ivmediatly.

I've used that as a reason aswell, he's got control issues and jealous in odd ways. I've seen guys like him & the majority of them became abusive physically,if the female doesn't leave them before they have a chance to get physical. So as a Daddy I was hoping she would see through this young fellow,but she loves him and has a infant with him now. To hear my daughter say daddy he's so jealous & it's so cute,well it's difficult to keep my mouth shut & not state the TRUTH. I hoped she would realize his potential for abuse and move on. When a boyfriend or girlfriend gets pissy when you talk to your parents and express joy that you & your parents had fun laughing and playing...etc ; with the result being a huffy puffy spouce,well to me that's not healthy, IMHO. I'm very thankful to you all & really appreciate the support & suggestions.

Thank you so so very much for all the ideas & support. I've not put a deadline on the "get out" decision,or stated it to them verbally, partially because of Christmas and partly due to the newborn. I will once this holiday has passed In short I'll say, my Mom died when I was 18 years old,my dad kicked me out of our house 6 months after she passed away,I hated him for that & his lack of emotional support on any level where momma was concerned. Because of my experience at 18 i felt "casted out" as if I did something to deserve his actions,in retrospect he was grieving and at that point missing a woman as his companion & thought I would interfere. Well I learned a lot through life & it's been a year and a half,I don't expect either my daughter or myself to have fully recovered from our loss,but at the same time.. I have to value myself more & not put her in front of my needs as a human. When "they" leave this house when only a day,it's like the worlds problems lift off my shoulders. It feels wrong to want her to leave,but honestly it's not her or the infant, it's the lil powetmad nature of the spouce she chose,prior to meeting him she had respect for sentimental things & her moral compass was more true. I suppose we all make mistakes,the issue here is that HE is her mistake not mine. Thanks again everyone,special thanks to Runs With Scissors you've been so sweet and kind to me, I appreciate it greatly.

Ok..after a nights sleep "sorta". Firstly, my mother made ceramics & after she past & I moved my dad in until he passed 5 years later my wife and I packed up and stored my mother's ceramics that she kept for herself through time, some where Christmas decorations some just ornamental art. My wife and I had started building a "giant" shelf system to display these things my mom made,aswell as my wife's Grandmother's ceramics. I'm upset because these items aren't theirs to use,where not used throughout my daughter's childhood & honestly I was afraid my daughter & her brother would break things that I could never replace. These items will have to be packed up by me,or they will never get packed back until I finish that giant bookshelf. There decorations aren't "theirs" to use.much like my clothes aren't the S.I.L's to wear just because he needs to do laundry. Every year my daughter & wife got me a couple of t-shirts with crazy skulls,dragons...etc (in a Tattoo artist of 22 years), I don't want him wearing my clothes. At times I realize that part of my "issue" is I really didn't intend to share everything I ever owned with them, I kinda thought when you move in with someone you have a mutual respect for their possessions & their home,of course a mutual respect for the housemate as a fellow human. Maybe I'm selfish and if so,I gotta say for me these are keepsake/ memories that can't be replaced. I apologize everyone, I'm just having a tough time dealing with Christmas & for my daughter to decorate their room just feels as if, I being blatantly left out of the holidays all together & to add insult to injury, Their using my mom's ceramics to help "brighten" my torture...it's tough it's probably just me. sorry again,like I said this holiday is torturous for me and after I watched these kids do thanksgiving without me, well I'm still mad about that.

I couldn't find a way to edit. Being that my daughter is breastfeeding I don't go into their room during the day & I never Facebook so I had no idea until now.

Unbelievable Christmas stuff. Well out a the blue today I get a phone call from my friend to let me know how cute my Christmas decorations are & how it's good I'm carrying on tradition. Guess what, MY "DAUGHTER" decorated her & her husband's room and posted them on Facebook,hence my surprise & misundertanding of "my decorations"looking cute. I don't Facebook and because of me not intruding the space of my "breastfeeding daughter" I had no idea that: The Christmas decorations her Mother & I bought and decorated with when she was a toddler are being used In MY HOUSE & much like THANKSGIVING I watched these 2 22 year old kids ostracize me from their thoughts of thanksgiving and obviously Christmas aswell. I'm FREAKING LIVID. Is this not a OVER THE TOP attempt at being a couple of complete ASSWHOLES? I can't even figure the goal out here,is this punishment? Is it a blatant attempt to be crude?? totally unreal the ignorance they've stooped to at this point. At times I've felt ,there was mental abuse. Well it's obvious now.

Thankya maam

Amen Sister.. Every time I mention my widespread name,even to her father and mother it's a GIANT avoidance on their part. I can't & won't erase my history with her and anyone who insist on me doing so can get a running start & screw themselves.