Torn

Mark, I wish you weren't here aswell man. Hopefully you can force your way through the beginnings of such horrible loss. Post here and read,there is comfort in knowing,others have experienced similar loss. Take care man, peace be with you

Just a goodie update: Well I talked to her joked and played all over the phone. Well after new years eve, I wished her a good year + Walla...that's the last chat I had. Now I gotta say I'm by no means hurt, I'm glad to have reached out & talk, I'll get in touch another time. Something for her must of come up, and I don't want to be any imposition to anyone.. But as a WIDOW just reaching out to talk to another human to become friends was a 'task' I needed to accomplish,I'm happy for that.

Sugar bell.... Like everyone else said.. How awesome you are for having extreme stress & getting past it,because you learned to cope. I hope things even out for you soon,and I wanna say.congrats on your desision to not use.

JeanGenie, There seems like very many of us feel this way. Very difficult.. Just a thought: Since each of us lost the person that we each 'intended' to spend our life's with,I think it forces a GIANT judgment call on ourselves in every manner physical,financial,health,material items...it's rough. It's personal inventory,that's taken to the next level,because we have seen and or experienced 100% loss of our existence. Every now and then I see a couple get a divorce & it amazes me to watch their divorce unfold. I've seen men & women in midlife crisis trying to over-compensate for physical appearance & many other things.....anyhow. Our loss a Survivor of years of marriage FORCES personally inventory time 10. During this personal inventory we are grieving,our self-esteem goes first,with the spouse that cheered us on in life. . I'm wishing you all well...ToRn

ToRn 1 N.lady 0....tehehehehe... I've been upgraded to phone calls,I'm telling you guys and my DAMN SELF. That just talking with her is fun,like lil kid fun. Like holding hands as a 3rd grader fun. Kinda nifty... Sorry to hog post,I'm just glad to be considered for company and overlook the drama of recent events (helliday all crude daughter) stuff.

The paint bar, sounds smart for people to enjoy. I have gotten a few 'tidbits' of New info on my new lady friend. She likes Chinese Food, well see that's the good stuff to me,it's my favorite & all the local restaurants know me personally. So I betcha,if nothing else I'll take her for Chinese Food. She's a comfortable kinda person & if at all possible we could enjoy going out to eat and chat....etc Well I'd feel like a human being & neither of us could feel out a wack. Time will tell,but I've made a connection with her & she shared more than I have,because IM A WIDOW & figure no one wants to hear about 'our kinda' loss. In due time I suppose, at least I have a new friend,good enough.

Ya know its not stupid,but it is "a thing",I bet it's thought of by many in your shoes. Sounds healthy, seems your living NG,but still holding on to history or your husband. As I said sounds healthy & congrats .

Amor, your attitude is correct and we all want to live,just not suffer.

All great ideas, thanks a lot . I felt so good to simply talk to this lil lady. My hope is that she and I could do a few things lunch, talk..that's the beginning of good things to me. With the new year holiday so close to her and I talking,I knew she had plans & am glad honestly. For a moment I felt kinda like a human again talking to her, that was great. I'll keep ya posted. Thanks for congratulating me for getting her number,for me that in itself was a bridge that was hard to cross . I want to feel again, and the feeling not all be sad... I have found myself struggling not to mention my Wife,it's hard not to when half your life was with a spouse, I suppose I'll be more comfortable in time,but for now I'm grateful to connect.

Input,from you Guys & Ladies more so actually.. Well, this is on the topic of making friends with a lady,who is always been sweet to me through time and her and I joke and play when we run into one another....So,here's the question. I've recently gotten her phone number and my honest goal is to become friends with her. I enjoy all things lady from my 20 plus years of marriage, and relationships which all began as friends. So after my Wife passed away,for a long while I couldn't even concider talking to a lady , I still felt committed. Well I miss so much having a lady in my life, to chat with and support emotionally,just to be "there" for one another as friends. Last night we text for a few hours non-stop & she seemed receptive and stated she enjoyed getting to know one another better and connecting with me. (such a cool feeling) I've obviously not dated or asked a lady out in more than 20 years & I'm unsure what is common for men and women to do these days? Obviously the movies comes to mind but is so cliche. I'm planning ahead, in hopes to maybe figure something out, that could allow us to meet up and spend a lil time chatting & see how that goes. What do people do in 2015? After being married so long I have no clue what would be cool to do,as friends.. Any ideas? Any words of caution...etc I find myself excited to make friends and don't want to come off as desperate of come on to strong...etc. So I'm unsure and would like ideas if anyone has any. Take care ~ ToRn

I missed the fireworks,but he'll respect for each individual choices,for me is most important.

No clue of the music however my heart goes out to you,knowing your loss is what it is,I hope ya feel better ,in lil ways until those lil ways come together as one.

Well on the idea of living long and all, I WISH that the most for each of our life spans. I know it sure makes me think how long I'll miss my wife and how many years of sadness their are to come. This is a support group, there's no hijacking threads possible,it supposed to happen. I visited with friends yesterday and it was refreshing as Hell to get away and to recognize for a moment that THESE PEOPLE CARE & LOVE ME. I consider myself lucky to gotten that change,what a great epiphany to have,when you mistreated enough you kinda forget these things. Thank you all for the support & suggestions,hopefully the new year has more positive notes than this last year~ ToRn

I feel for you on this & EVER since you first mentioned it. I'd sadly walk away at that point also, thing is that it's a tough pill to swallow. Here's hoping that YOU are recognizing this as the ignorance that it is. Vent away, ToRn

Maybe we could all do a waffle dinner...haha. Today I visited a old friend + his wife,such a breath of fresh air. Away from the hate and onto the love of friendship,a great way to spend the day. I was sad to come home, but things will get better, there on their way out & I'm feeling good about it.

Well I've only been awake a hour or so but: 1.Yesterday I made plans for today to go visit with a guy I did lots of work for in the past, I'm gonna go visit him and his wife today. 2.Tornadoes have been everywhere here the last evening & thankfully not effected anyone. 3. I've made supportive friendship here on the Widda forum.... That's be a enormous blessing

Mel4072 Congrates to your heart I'm so happy to see others get to love again.

Peace be with you, your story of better times is a awe striking. I missed this post because I slept through it,tough lil helliday season on my end. Wishing you all the best,ToRn

Thanks for reaching out and I wish there was a magic wand aswell. I've been reducing smoking and I ALWAYS FORGET, how rapidly cutting a nicotine habit effects my bipolar disorder in a negative way. Each Time I quit or make major adjustments, I feel like my psych disorder throws me for a loop. Obviously the largest thing on my mind is the loss of my Wife, so that's the direction my tears flow. The holidays, well I didn't have any holiday, thanks to hateful daughter doing anything she could to ruin things on my end & it's maddening to be on the receiving end of her spite. So I wanna reach out to friends to just "not think" about current issues and obviously everyone is busy with family, which drives me back to square one of depression. Tough spot to be in. So about that magic wand, I really could use it about now ... Torn

Well here it goes... Because of the "daughter stress" & holidays I find myself in shambles. Shaking like a leaf not eating,increased physical pain and it's like I'm morning again. I'm at a fucking loss. It seems so easy for others to get past loosing my wife,but I'm not doing well. I stay in fear of what to do or not to do & am lost in it all. Freaking sick inside from tears and lack of understanding,you all know what it's like to experience loss of a spouse & for everyone in the world to walk away as if nothing ever happened. Well I hate that I'm feeling this pain,I hate my physical limitations & require surgery and deserve this surgery to be able to move on in life. I'm stuck in a mess of emotional distress and I can't stand the pain any longer. It's hell & I can't find an outlet of comfort or relief. I know I'm depressed & I'm bipolar I've taken medicine for my bipolar disorder for 20 years. I'm at a loss,I kinda feel like I'll never move on, there's constantly a nagging feeling of loss and I can't be made to feel better. What can I do? I swear it feels like my anxiety has tripled over night & it's very similar to sudden loss. Sorry for rambling on and on, I just am demolished inside and fear seems to rule my presence. This is Hell & I can't seem to escape this hated feeling. Thanks for allowing me to post, ToRn

Being that the "cell phone" age is the most active form of communication these days texting has become the new small talk/ phone call arrangement medium. Please know this is my take on exchanging numbers & being we can block these numbers as easy as clicking a button,your pretty safe. I wish you the best~ToRn

From 1 widow to another,peace be with you,and I sure hope your beautiful memories bring you a but of comfort. I missed my after kid time aswell....ToRn

Merry Christmas to you aswell. Heck this lil dog, never hurt anyone,offers me love and compassion. It beats the ignorance hatred that stems from these ungrateful kids . I wish I wasn't conditioned to feel this way,but I do and it's the sad fact. I'm hoping I can goto waffle house tonight at least the people there are happy and are outside my situation. Thanks for the support, ToRn

Rob, sounds like a good Christmas man,I'm proud for ya.

Thank you for sharing your story with me,it's true we all grieve different. I agree I'm allowing her words hurt me more than they should. There's no help in any fashion being given,quite honestly there's nothing but spite,she's unhappy I just happened to catch the brunt of it. When my wife was alive , this daughter would lash out her younger and hurt my wife's feelings so bad,it took everything I could do to get my wife to understand,this was just childish & would pass. Well I'll always love the memories of my wife and daughter enjoying each other's lives together. This isn't the daughter I watched grow up this is the unhappy mother of an infant, trying to control everything she can,probably because she feels out of control herself some how. I'm having a better day today and I'm greatful for everyone here that has been kind enough to reach out to me. I've not experienced this total disrespect from a child before,so I guess I'm new to it. So I of course love that lil girl she was,but the 22 year old vulger mouthed lil woman ,well I don't care for,but I find peace in knowing. I never said anything that could make her hate me,that's not to say it won't happen...it just hasn't yet. But I did love the little girl she was. Thank you all, ToRn