Torn

I understand & what you mean. My heart says I should consider at least meeting for coffee with a lady to simply talk. My mind still keeps me devoted to my deceased wife. Difficult stuff when dealing with missing her. At some point I've gotta try to meet another person to share life with,I'm to alone.

Man I hate this for you. I'm at the year & half Mark and I catch myself often thinking "what if". My wife was a stage 3 breast cancer survivor of 10 years at the point she passed. I could lay out every second from the moment I woke up until I was told she had under 20 percent brain function. I'll save you the cliche sentiment & just know, as much as we all loved our spouces,unfortunately it was their time to move on . You hold onto your spirit & please know reading others post,helps when your ready. Keep your head up

The hope and love we all feel for our spouse's is natural...but Lord knows it's painful. I'm really sick and need skull/brain surgery, I thought Finally I'd get the chance to have the surgery done & suddenly felt the need to call my Wife with the good news...1.6 years from her passing. Bless you all, there's nothing I've experienced worse than loosing her suddenly.

I'm not into 'woo' either. Thing is I have always noticed the # 3 It seems through life all things happen in 3's. For example within a month; My mom passed,the following weekend my Boss at that time passed suddenly. The next week my Uncle passed. So many instances threw life I've noticed death in numbers of 3 in close proximity.

I want to recommend Evermore aswell, a great app to help remember .

Dealing with grief of loosing a spouce ...hmm GO DEAL WITH IT, that just screams lack of understanding. For me dealing with "it" is continuing to live and find any sense of normalcy you can. Me personally,I have awful days that all things point to my loss. The trick is IMHO striving on. However we can,we all know in our hearts our spouse didn't want to pass away and leave us behind & at the same time being left alone to cope (without a partener) is new to each widow. Whoever said that to you hasn't experienced true loss. Peace be with you, ToRn

Sweet & thoughtful. It's cool someone loves ya like that,how sweet . "OR" Their out for your holiday treats .

lisaj, Bless you lil lady , like stated above each of your first may be difficult, if at all possible maybe try to assure you'll have something to do to absorb time that's enjoyable. All my first where spent alone and I believe each where made more difficult,because I could do nothing & depression dominated those days. Now thanksgiving was my Wifes birthday this year & I was alone,however I had prepared a few painting I was working on to help allow myself a distraction. This helped some, and as you well know ANYTHING that can help on these days is a blessing.

On the dream subject... I have vivid dreams that are frequent aswell. The odd thing to me is that during my dreams all things are normal, our relationship & health..etc everything is as if nothing is wrong,as if she's still alive. For me the painful part is waking up, Every one of these dreams as I wake up its as if I was just trying to finish telling her the important part of whatever we where talking about and I wake up with the feeling that she's still alive and I'm eager to tell her still.Then once again the realisation of reality sets in upon waking and my day starts off missing her deeply. My only "grip for sanity" is that when my Mother passed 25 years or so ago is that I had similar dreams for decades, with less frequency as time went on. It's tough to say but if I stopped having those dreams,I'd miss them. Mid day after having a dream like these,I often wish I'd never have another dream like these. There has to be a simple psychological association with these dreams, possibly our humanities coping mechanism. I've also been in the middle of sorrow & suddenly smell the scent of her perfume,while comforting I feel like I'm in limbo and unable to separate myself from the reality that she's gone, obviously there's no 'deadline' to meet with grief but often I feel I'm not moving forward.

So so true, After being with spouse for 20 years,your feelings are on point with my own. After years if saying "i love you" I miss saying it to my wife. Carey, Bless your heart from a Man that's a year and 5 months out, it's sickening to know there's another person who feels this feeling aswell. I hope everyday is better for you.

Facebook...hmmm Ya know I quit Facebook a few years ago,it's difficult for me to worry with other's 'lives' on Facebook. Honestly I'm glad you found a way to not be bombarded while not offending you sister in reality of life,it's kinda odd thinking about that fact; someone could get offended from the process of 'unfriending'.

Ya know it's tragic when we as humans find love in another and love is crippling for us all. All loss is grand, my heart goes out to you. Hold tight you'll dance again and celebrate your friend.

Carey, Bless you dear, I read through your words and feel it I'm my heart. A couple Bill ideas, A lot of power companies offer partial payment & extensions for utilities check into that possibility. The message from your son should simply not have happened,it's nothing but damaging ,there's nothing good that could come from it at this point. Your 2 younger kids thinking of getting a job is a good thing,that shows good parenting please take that in an know your doing good. Point the job seekers toward holiday jobs,many retailers hire holiday help and tend to keep these employees on afterward. I wanna let you know I feel your pain,where Thanksgiving is concerned, I lost my wife and her birthday was Thanksgiving. Coming upon this my 2nd thanksgiving it's frustrating to know I most likely will not enjoy another thanksgiving & I honestly don't have it in my mind to fake it this year. Please know we are all here to listen,learn & support. Bless you maam.

I'm no true help here BUT: I hope you enjoy yourself and have a pleasurable experience . ~ToRn

I crave interaction so terribly that I caught myself smiling watching people simply go in and out of a restaurant. Being totally alone definitely gets to every person who has lost their spouse ,after all none of us build loving relationship for years thinking that we could be torn apart. It seems like with all of life's big hurdles tend to make people loose touch. I think about this often,it's foolish of humans to do this,because when they (departed friend) experience big things in life they'll have no life experience to help them cope. Sorry just thinking out loud.

Just wanna say, your drives foward to continue on are amazing thing. inspiration is to small of a word to define your progress, continue on and know your story brings hope to my soul.

Ya know that would make great sence Rob, the crazy thing is this person 'not a lady' I have seen around my area, she actually live 5 minutes from my home, I know this because she told me her street name & I realized that's why she looks familiar,I've seen her and her mom shopping. I'm telling ya man, NO WOMAN I've ever dated would've shared a video like that. I'm no saint or a prude,but I really think some people do crazier things than I had imagined. Before the porno clip she text me, and honestly I'm a very lonely person, I miss talking to a female my age & don't think I'd consider anything serious anyhow,it's just plainly put I'm 42 and have had a steady long-term relationship that was a love based relationship since I was 13. So I miss lil things like the way a lady paints her nails & considers new hair styles purely put the girlie part of a woman. Maybe one day but not on "Plenty of fish" dating website.

So a female "friend of family" suggested that I consider online 'dating' websites (wait for it). So I was considering doing so and had started a profile,when I got a message from a lady my age ,I said hello & we messaged back and forth for 15 minutes,when she asked me if I could receive photos & videos. She proceeded to send me a video of her as she put it 'pleasuring herself'. Holy smoke, I deleted my profile & haven't considered online dating anymore. Have I lost my mind or was that a CRAZY thing to do? Is it common that dating sites , have lunatics like I just mentioned? I'm really interested to know. Thanks to all of you men and women who posted their crazy and funny stories to this thread. I'm still laughing inside thinking of several WINNERS mentioned.

I agree, my happy face doesn't fit and I've said it a million times "I didn't play make believe as a child & I will not as an adult".

I can only imagine how hard this could have been,rewriting history & feeling like you are forced to leave out such a huge portion. Please know in your heart that by striving on you've accomplished so much. Obviously I didn't know your husband,but lemme say he would have loved you for success

Crystal was my first love my first heart break and believed in soulmates and that we where,ever since loosing her I've felt I have more than a broken heart,my soul has broken aswell. She was a mother, my best friend my love I called her Blondie Loxxx **tears**

I agree on all points and am thankful for the thought and ideas. See here's the thing: In 18 months, my wife of 20 years which is her mother passed away 3 weeks after our daughter got married. Married off daughter Wife/Mom passed Married off daughter Daughter has baby That's alott of stuff to deal with. I'm 42 & disabled, these dogs have a tie to my wife and honestly all things related to my wife are obviously precious,because she's gone. At the time of my wife passing our daughter was living in a aweful place (drug laden) area with her husband of 3 weeks.My wife wanted her to move in to get her away from that area.My wife passed & daughter and her husband moved in. I felt I needed to be clear. My house is 4 bedroom they have 2 bedroom & I live in one. There's plenty of room & I love my daughter ,concerning the grandchild crawling..etc their us 700 square feet to crawl in that has no animals do no problem there. See all these things tie to the simple fact that loosing things attached to my wife are difficult. My wife bred and sold these dogs and I do the same so they provide a small amount of income for me aswell. Concerning my disability: I don't require any help at this point, who knows what the future may hold for any of us. I feel I'm providing a service to my daughter that's being overlooked 'shelter'. So it 'seems' this has blown over for now. I do want to say I've raised my daughter since she was 3 (step daughter from a deadbeat dad) and I feel she simply owes me more respect than is being given & I plan to talk to her reguarding this fact. Most of the things revolve around the Soninlaw He and I don't have a relationship & I've tried to make a bond between us,it seems he doesn't want that so we don't speak unless he needs something. Thanks for the chance to discuss these things and get perspective on this situation.

Lol it's funny to me Sexy Saterday nights...lol I'm hoping to figure out chat, we should all do a GOOGLE 'hangout'.

I want to say thank you so much for your straight opinion. This situation has certainly caused anger and stress for me . I will have a heart to heart with her concerning this 'text': Buster and pup are locking up. If she has more puppies and we can't do something about the dogs getting out of here we are going to to find our own place to live. So above is the text & I had just spoke to her and she said nothing,texting is so odd to me especially when it's something serious. Thank you guys

I didn't see an option to add to my prior post,so here goes...lol I was never a dog person and always preferred cats, crazy thing about this is after my wife passed I became close to the dogs. This has rattled my cage in a terrible way,it feels as though I'm being told to choose between things that where my wife's & our own child. Oddly enough being told this via text message, from our daughter who I just spoke to. Odd situation . Sorry everyone this just has me ticked off.