Mac

Sometimes if feel as if I should be wearing a placard that says "Run Away!" I am alright with that!

Wow, 15 years, that is quite the lie. Isn't it so different when we meet people in our daily lives? I'm not always the best judge of age. Sometimes I'll be talking to a woman that is 10-15 years my junior when I'm out and about, thinking all the while that we are about the same age.

Thanks. 2 relationships so far, but nothing that lasted.

Thanks, I'm familiar with that. I do think that it would be better to increase that 30 minute timeframe.

Thanks so much for all of your work, I really like the new look. I wish that we had more, if not unlimited time, to edit our posts.

Thanks, I didn't mean it that way. What I meant to say is life is good and I am engaged in life. For quite some time I had a whatever attitude, accepting my "new life", but not always embracing it. I have felt a huge shift in my attitude this past year or so.

My children were here today along with their significant others. My daughter got married nearly two years ago, my son is getting married next year. Life is going well for us as a family. In so many ways I feel as if I have achieved all of my greatest goals in life. Cindy and I were blessed with 37 years of friendship, 28 years of marriage and so many amazing adventures along the way. So in so many ways I feel as if all the rest is "gravy" at this point.

Fortunately, my dreams about Cindy have all been good ones. This dream was a "normal" dream. I haven't had any of the super lucid dreams for a long time. The super lucid dreams have more depth and detail than my awake state of consciousness does. When I wake up from those dreams that have Cindy in them, I do have to do a quick reality check on what is real and what was the dream.

After nearly six years, I don't dream about Cindy as much as I use to. She was in my dream 2 nights ago. I was being affectionate with her and she was laughing and smiling. What a wonderful gift!

Yep, I'm still stunned. We were married for 28 years and we were best friends for 37 years. Just like that, gone in a flash. Life is good these days. My daughter was in college when my wife passed, and my son had just graduated from college. They are doing well. We are thriving as a family. It has been nearly 6 years. Gratitude is on overdrive. And yep, can you believe this shit? Life is good and I am engaged, so very much to be grateful for! But yep, WFT happened?

I'm feeling so grateful that my children have found love! It does make me think about Cindy and of all of those years that we spent together.

I don't know if that sense of being stunned will ever end.

Have you tried going to Profile, Modify Profile, Forum Profile? There is an option there = Personalized Picture.

Stages of grief and my life during these nearly 6 years, don't get me wrong there are still ups and downs. This is just how I've been feeling recently. At first = WTF happened? What do I do now? Will I ever be happy again? And then = OK, I'm widowed, so I will do this, this and this. And create my life in this fashion. I'm happier each day, I've got this. And now = Wow, this is an interesting book (my life), I wonder how it will all turn out?

I'm eating a healthier diet, but I do mix it up it with other food. I am exercising more, there is so much of nature to see on the walks near my house and I've been meeting some interesting people along the way. But in many other ways, I am rebelling and I'm trying to give myself as much freedom as possible.

Thank you for your responses. It's an interesting time for me. I just recently finished most all of my parental financial responsibilities. Both of my children have graduated from college and are doing well. My daughter is married, my son is getting married next year. I've adjusted to this "new life" in so many ways. I'm letting my "free spirit" fly even more. I've had two relationships so far, things start to feel too structured there with time. So maybe my postings were just reminders to myself. It seems like so many great things come with spontaneity. I've been experiencing some super cool ones lately. At times I feel as if some of my longterm friendships are even starting to take away from my sense of freedom and of being more of a free spirit. It does seem as though the last 3 or 4 months have been a time of transition and of even more discovery.

We have always lived life differently, why should anything be different now? Some of us have always marched to the beat of a different drum.

When my daughter got married in 2016, only their names were listed on the invitation. The only hard part of the wedding for me, was when I walked her down the aisle. I certainly was disappointed that Cindy wasn't there. The rest of the wedding was a joyous celebration for me. My son is getting married next year.

So far, with time, I haven't felt that same sense of spontaneity when I've been in a relationship. I do feel it when I'm flying as a party of one. I live in Denver, so there are many opportunities to interact with a wide variety of people. I do a bunch of spontaneous things when I'm by myself. The opportunities still happen when I'm single. I feel as if I'm in the right place, but perhaps it's not the right time to include that significant other. Or perhaps I just haven't met the right person.

I’m the youngest of five children. My parents both worked. I was given so much freedom and independence from a very early age. I did so many things on my own. I grew up in a beach community of Southern California during the 60’s & the 70’s. I got to do so much with a wide variety of people. People involved in so many different things, people of all ages, and people who taught me so much. So much kindness and generosity. So many unexpected things happening, from “being in the right place at the right time.” I remember sharing some stories with a friend’s wife once, she said to me, “Mac, it’s not that I don’t believe your stories, but I don’t see how one person could have fit that into one life.” Cindy and I got married at the age of 28. That vibe continued for us together. One thing leading to another, the generosity and kindness of others. So much spontaneity. So many amazing adventures, both big and small. So far in relationships, with time, I’ve felt as if I’ve been losing that sense of spontaneity and so much of the “magic” and opportunities that come with it. That time spent with people from a wide variety of backgrounds and of ages.

I've always have lived an extraordinary life, my greatest fear of re-coupling is living an average/everyday life.

I've been having some success. I've been donating and selling some stuff. I've also been encouraging my daughter and my son to take things that they want now, rather than waiting for when that day comes.

Yes. Our old neighborhood in CA became more upscale over the years. Some men would divorce and remarry once they were financially well off. Cindy use to refer to it as getting "arm candy." Cindy use to tease me repeatedly: "Mac, promise me that if anything should ever happen to me that you will get some "arm candy." She said it to me in front of a co-worker just 2 weeks before she passed unexpectedly. I recently found out that she made comments about it to a relative just a couple of days before she passed. It does make smile and laugh when I think about it.

Congratulations Rob!

Thanksgiving week has always been a time for much reflection, even before Cindy passed. But now it takes on such an incredibly whole new meaning. Giving thanks for so very much!