Ruth

Hey ScorpioGirl, It's completely up to you what you do, it's a very personal choice I think. Michael and I never had wedding rings, we were planning on getting them one day, when we would make our marriage legal according to my countries laws (we were married according to the laws/rules of our community, which in our case wasn't the same). I did however have a special ring that I wore on and off again during our marriage and that kinda became 'our' ring. It said 'I will wait for my beloved', it was a bit of our personal joke about the legal/non-legal status of our marriage. During the first year after his death I wasn't (emotionally) able to wear it, but a few months ago I started wearing it again, on the other hand than before. I'm not sure how long I will wear it, but for now it feels good Good luck deciding! Ruth

Hey everyone, I'm still rather new here, but did want to post in this forum. To be honest I 'belong' here for two reasons, the first being that my husband was abusive at times (which was considered normal in our community, so I don't really feel the need to talk about it here at this point in time) and the second is that he died due to violence. My husband tried to do the right thing and got killed for it. I was wondering, are there others out here who went through something similar? Ruth

Hey Jen, You're not alone in this. For me it's almost 15 months and indeed it feels like an eternity. I think that is because life is so very different now, it feels like another world, another life. Life together seems a lifetime ago. I also think that 27 months does mean something. We start out by counting the moments, the days, then the weeks, the months, the three-months, the halfyears and finally the year. It takes time to get there, personally I'm far from there. I'm still counting the months, occasionally slipping back into the weeks and even the days. But no matter what I count, the passage of time reminds me that he is gone and that that will not change. The time between our life together and the present is only getting bigger and bigger until one day even my memories will feel distant. I dread that day. I dread the day where it will feel, on some level, like he never existed, like it was all a dream. I'm already forgetting how he smelled or how his skin felt. I'm forgetting things I never thought I would forget. I'm trying to make a memory book now, for that very reason. All this to say - you're not alone and we will find our way through this. Gentle care, Ruth

1. I found the most beautiful photo album - scrapbooking memories now 2. I bought a small tablet which reminded me of something my husband used to say 3. I had a good day at work

Guilty! I can't get myself to shower most of the time, so I do bucket-washes instead... Eating is a mess and I'm glad if I eat a real meal every other day. I've stopped caring about taking the clean and dry laundry off the clothesline and putting it in the wardrobe. That's it for today

It's amazing this thread is here! The single thing I miss the most is someone being there for better and for worse. Someone who doesn't run away when things get hard and who doesn't leave you once you get back on your feet because you can now do without them again and they have a kazillion other things that are more important than you. I miss his hand on my arm when he whispers my name with such love and tenderness that the world stops for a second. I miss curling up in his arms and crying my heart out or just talking for hours. I miss him running after me in the forest, catching me and swirling me around. When he held me I could for once think everything might end up ok. Now, when I feel alone or when the sadness wears me down I try to remember his arms and I try to convince myself that it will get better, that it will be ok. But yes, I miss someone who has me on the top of its priority list, I miss being together.

Canadiangirl, Trying, donswife, Mizpah, sandrine2279, Bunny, DavidsKtBeth, thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me! At first I could only think 'this was a mistake, I should just leave', but in the end the wedding was really beautiful (I only went to the church service) and I'm glad I could be there with them for that part of the day. I did feel incredibly lonely, especially because there weren't any people I really knew. I sat with people I knew a little, but it was kinda obvious they weren't thrilled about that. DavidsKtBeth, yes the 'until death do us part' really did sting. They were so happy together and so full of dreams and imagining a life-time together and I found myself just wishing for them that it would indeed last a very long time. I remembered our dreams and how they were shattered. I'm creating new dreams now, but it's not the same, it's just not... I'm sorry, I'm rambling on here. Just thank you so much for your replies!

I was looking for this thread yesterday evening, but couldn't find it. Anyway, I'll introduce myself here now. I grew up in a community/group that had quite some different customs, etc. as the place I live now. I was fourteen when I married my twenty-year-old husband Michael. We were married a little over five years when he died in April 2015. What makes it more painful is that I was pregnant at the time he died. He didn't even know if it was a boy or girl. I learned it was a girl about a week later, the same day I lost our daugther. I had nothing left so when I got the chance to leave I did. Where I live now, our marriage isn't considered legal, which makes it so much harder to talk about any of this. Especially because no one here knew my husband. The past year I've been trying to pick up the pieces and building a new life for myself. There hasn't been much room for my feelings, so the pain of loosing him is only really starting to hit me now. Thank you for providing this place, Ruth

My name is Ruth and I'm still very new here, but I did want to talk about something/ask something (which is actually the reason I started looking for something like this in the first place). Tomorrow two of my friends/people I know are getting married. It has brought up so many memories and so much sadness. Due to various circumstances I don't have much support in this at the moment which makes it even harder. I'm just not sure how to do it, how to be there and not get overwhelmed, how to just be happy for them, instead of heartbroken for myself. It's been a little over a year now since I lost Michael, we were married for a little over five years. He was only 25 and I still find myself so confused that he could just be gone like that all of a sudden. The past year+ I've mainly been running from my emotions, trying not to think or feel. I had to keep going. But now I'm starting to feel again and I miss him a lot. Idk, it's just been hard lately and this wedding isn't helping much.

Hey everyone, This is my first post here, so I'm feeling rather unsure, but thought maybe this is the best place to start for me. Michael and I were never legally married according to the laws of my country. However according to the community we grew up in we were married. Our marriage was arranged and I was still a teenager when we got married. We were married for five years and one month when he died at the age of 25. At the time I was pregnant with our daugther, but I lost her eight days after I lost Michael. That's it for now, thank you for letting me share.