Being left out still hurts

[fairlanegirl]

When I approached friends - friends who were like family - who had ditched me after I, admittedly, became a bit of a drag around months 8-12, I apologized to them.  The response I got was, "It was your path to walk and you walked it."

'A bit of a drag' - what the hell do they expect? A box of fluffies?! I understand especially now, in hindsight, (somehow) over 4 years on, but unless you were spending every day with these folks... Your path to walk and you walked it? Yes, no one can do the hard yards for us, but having people holding our hand on that 'path' (or 'journey' aarggh, facile psychobabble alert!) is a big help, or at least it has been for me.

 

Glad I'm not on Facebook. What a pack of tossers.

[fairlanegirl]

Oops sorry, by tossers I meant people who lie about doing things then plaster it all over Facebook of course,  not people who use Facebook!

[Carey]

I truly wonder what it is that makes our friends flake on us? I had an all out knock down drag out fight with my BEST friend 4 days after Chad died and we have not spoken since. What's the correlation? Many of us here have had similar instances with friends and family. Does it truly boil down to only that we make people uncomfortable? I'm so sorry you had to deal with that on what should have been an enjoyable weekend.  We call them DGIs, but honestly, I don't get THEM.

[ATJ]

Apparently many of us erroneously believed that we had some true, honest and loyal friends.

 

Here are some thoughts on friendship:

 

 

"A true friend stays at your side

when everyone else has left you."

 

~~ Unknown

 

 

"A true friend is someone who is there for you

when he'd rather be anywhere else."

 

~~ Len Wein

 

 

"Nothing is more noble, nothing more venerable than fidelity.

Faithfulness and truth are the most sacred excellences

and endowments of the human mind."

 

~~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

 

 

TEST:

 

 

"Misfortune tests the sincerity of friends."  ~~ Aesop

 

 

"Time ripens all things.

With Time all things are revealed.

Time is the father of truth."

 

~~ Francois Rabelais

 

 

LESSON:

 

 

"Words are easy, like the wind;

Faithful friends are hard to find."

 

~~ William Shakespeare

 

 

"True friendship is a plant of slow growth,

and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity

before it is entitled to the appellation."

 

~~ George Washington

 

 

CONCLUSION:

 

 

"If you can't handle me at my worst,

then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!"

 

~~ Marilyn Monroe

 

 

 

;D

 

 

ACTION:

 

"Do not keep on with a mockery of friendship

after the substance is gone!

 

Bury the carcass of friendship;

It is not worth embalming."

 

~~ William Hazlitt

 

 

ATJ 

[DansSoulmate]

I'm sorry this happened  and that's why I have stopped following almost everyone on Facebook from the past life.  I didn't want to unfriend..just don't really care what others are posting except for a few who post items that make me laugh or are uplifting.  This 4th was the first without Dan in 35 years so I made my own plans and have started some new traditions.  But, no doubt people are clueless..narcissistic..ignorant....I could go on and on.  Until they have to walk this path they will never understand.

[Trying]

So last night the group who left me out of the fireworks invited me for a girls night, this was the second invite since leaving me out, I refused the first, so even though I couldn't get there until 8:30 after a long day, I decided to go and give them a chance.  I thought the 2 recent invites must be because they felt bad.  So I went, and it was awkward and they made several references to funny things that happened at the fireworks and several other get togethers I wasn't included in.  They were oblivious that I had been hurt.

 

I didn't bother to say anything.  What's the point?  I also got several comments about how strong I am so handling packing up my home, downsizing and moving will be no problem for me.  I guess my super human strength and lack of emotions lets everyone else off the hook.

[luvmy2babies]

We know in some cases remarks about our strength can be translated into "you don't need help...great"  Hugs

[Carey]

that was like a major aha moment.  It's not so much we are so strong, but if they THINK we are, then they are , as Trying said, off the hook. People have to KNOW we wont pop up and beg to go or beg to be involved. My sister used to be my best friend. Now we are stuck in a catch 22. She doesn't call me because I don't call her. I don't call her because I feel she is too busy for me.Yesterday I saw on facebook that my sister, mom and aunts were on their way to SC to see my other Aunt and uncle at the beach. Something we ALWAYS did together. I was so hurt and I almost snarkily said "Have fun with that".  But didn't.  I just don't understand, and obviously it's not just me... its widow-wide

[Sugarbell]

Ugh!!

 

Yes...I would get the "girls" only invites for a while....but I was chopped liver as far as couple parties. And yes....they would talk and laugh about previous things that happened at the couples parties I would be left out of. I remember thinking "Are they freaking for real?? or just a special kind of stupid"

 

I think in their heads that I would be uncomfortable with couples parties....but the real issue was THEY were uncomfortable with my new single status.

 

I know people dislike Fakebook....but for me-it helped me reconnect with my old high school friends-some that now live in surrounding areas...some were divorced, widowed...unhappily married (lol) and even happily married....But it didn't matter...We hang out...sometimes I was the third wheel-but they didn't care.

 

And it did help me expand to other married people outside the old circle that weren't as cliquey...

 

Your "group" sounds so much like my old group. And now...honestly...I have nothing in common with them (except sons the same age)...I don't give being left out a thought because we aren't friends..I don't enjoy there company.

 

But it took me a few years to get to that point.

 

I used to want to call them out like "Oh that sounds fun...too bad I was moved to the D list and wasn't invited"

 

But I never did. I usually say there in disbelief.

[SimiRed]

Wow, so sorry these people did this to you.  I'll never understand the way some people are designed. 

 

True friends are hard to find, they are the ones who are there for you even at your worst. 

 

((Hugs))