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[Guest mawidow]

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[Portside]

I must say there is a great deal stated here that confuses me and to be honest, troubles me. The feelings about which you wrote cause many questions to pop up in my mind.

 

You move in with man who has children but judging by your tone (and I could have this completely backwards), you really don?t care to be involved in the children?s lives. (? no interest in being 3rd or 4th ?.)

 

Your time is booked solid for the next 4-5 years? So? If you don?t want any impact to your plans, then forming a relationship with a father with kids is not the way to go. I think it is a huge mistake to form a serious relationship with someone and THEN see if you can grow into a working relationship with children you don?t want to be involved with. The kids and their well-being are the important issues here, not you or your plans (or his either really).

 

Perhaps I am reading this completely incorrectly but - you know what, this posting absolutely infuriates me. I?m not fit to comment in civil language any further. You aren?t asking for help or advice. It?s simply that you don?t want to be a parent (of any flavor) and you hope it works out for you and him.

 

I?ll leave it at this: You knowingly became involved with a man with a family that you don?t want much to do with. That's not 'blending'. It seems like you'd like this to just flow nicely without the commitment necessary to form a family for the kids.

 

As a father, I wouldn?t stand for a set up where step mom cares so little about nurturing my children. .

 

Good luck to you - you are going to need it.

 

Mike

 

[ManutesGirl]

DH never would have married me if I wasn't 100% committed to not only him but his kids too.  My view is when there are kids involved it is a complete package and if you can't commit to all of them then you need to really think about what you want because in the long run it probably won't be a good thing for any of you. 

 

A stepmom isn't the Mom but is certainly a mom-like figure and by the kids referring to you as stepmom it is obvious they see you that way.  I can only imagine that this will wind up being a stressful situation for you. 

[Bunny]

Perhaps it's because I'm childless, but I was not shocked or outraged by the post, rather I saw someone going through some serious growing pains and looking for a safe place to vent her less than pretty feelings. I understand parents can be Very Sensitive to people who are less than enthusiastic about children, but try to put yourselves in the OP's shoes. She has posted many times on the theme of missing the comfort of her mighty oak marriage and having to adjust to this new tiny sapling relationship. For me, thats what this post was about also.

 

Sometimes change can be a real bitch to wrap one's head around.

[Guest TooSoon]

I heard you and I understood that you're trying to work things through. My blending and your blending are very different but I am the Mom of an 8 year old girl. Happy to share what I know of 8 year old land or flesh things out anytime; I know lots of us here are here for just that reason. 

 

On another note, while something is always lost in virtual communications (tone, nuance), I do think this board should be a safe place for everyone to sort things out, pose incomplete thoughts, seek insight. It is so important as we move forward.

[Lmsmdm]

(((((Hugs)))))) I too was childless by choice. I too have a child now in the picture. I got your post. I have a feeling you are more involved with the kids than your post revealed. I understood your concerns, and I just wanted you to know. 

[canadiangirl]

I missed the original post but have read the replies.  Here's an interesting article about cybershaming:

 

http://national.deseretnews.com/article/3977/cybershaming-and-when-it-is-ok-to-react-to-an-offense.html

 

Sounds like things are challenging, mawidow.  I hope you find your way.  This stuff is not easy.