Do Opposites Really Attract?

[OSAAT]

What is your opinion on this?

[Sugarbell]

Yes and No.

 

DH and I were opposites in many ways....I found it intriguing....But we had some core fundamental things about ourselves/background that made life easy to blend.

 

New guy and I ....pretty much the same way. I have been out with guys that were the complete polar opposite of me...and while at first it didn't bother either of us...in time it became a deal breaker.

 

But I certainly don't someone the same as me. Lord no. That would be a train wreck. 

[Wheelerswife]

John and I were complete opposites on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.  It worked incredibly well.

 

Maureen

[Sugarbell]

Yes! Ben and I were too Maureen. (iNTJ and a ESFP)

 

But then there were some core things about our upbringing that were very similar.

[Mizpah]

Trying to generalize about chemistry, attraction, love... it's huge - how to know if that's true?  DH and I had twin souls.  Our preferences (anywhere from food tastes to what we felt like doing on a Friday night to what people we liked and didn't like) were always nearly identical.  And it worked.  We were obsessively in love.  BabyDaddy and I couldn't be more different (I'm city, he's country; I'm a vegetarian, he refuses to eat "rabbit food"; I'm a reader who hates TV, he watches Alaskan reality shows and hates books; the list goes on and on and on and on - and on!).  Attraction (on a visceral level) is maybe more about pheromones - all that animal stuff, probably having nothing to do with being similar or dissimilar.  Compatibility is a whole different animal. 

[imissdow]

I think personality opposites attract. My Dh and I were quite different personality wise. However we liked a lot of the same things and our values and goals it life were actually very much the same.  As far as what were were good at almost total opposites.  I love to read and create plays and such. I love theater and dance.  He hated all that stuff. Yet give him a hammer and a pile of lumber or just about any other tool and you might not see him for hours.

Values and goals really need to be similar for you to get on well long term the other stuff is personal preference.

[OSAAT]

Mizpah and imissdow,

That makes total sense. NG and I are very different as well, I am a veg working toward vegan and he is a hunter, he is more passive and I am more aggressive, the list goes on and on. I think where we mesh so well is that our values line up. I think we are both willing to go outside of our norm to compromise with the other. I think the initial spark was the incredible chemistry that I have not experienced in forever (maybe have never experienced this type of chemistry). After spending more time talking and getting to know each other, I feel like there is all of this growth going on on all these levels. It's still very strange to me. I have typically been with people whose pain was the same as mine or darkness (for lack of a better word) was the same as mine, and that NEVER worked. I am so glad I can post this stuff here. I talk about this stuff with him, but I can't just talk to anyone about this stuff. Thanks so much guys.

[Guest nonesuch]

I think where we mesh so well is that our values line up. I think we are both willing to go outside of our norm to compromise with the other.

 

Was is Portside (?) who suggested couples focus on shared values as opposed to shared interests? 

 

Late H and I had shared values, but different skills and interests.  New Beau and I have shared values.  Hopefully, we will continue to encourage one another to be our very best selves.

 

 

[IfIonlycould]

OSAAT-My chapter 2 and I have the most amazing chemical attraction more so than anyone I have ever been with (even DH).  Many core values and interests shared/in common but there are others that we each take our own stand on....we are both very strong willed which leads to conflict...that's when that chemistry comes into play...helps us be forgiving to one another....