Taking oldest back to college today

[Trying]

For those of you who don't remember my story I will give a quick recap.  DH died 3 weeks into my oldests senior year of highschool.  He went off to college last fall and was on the swim team.  I thought he was doing well but he wasn't, he was put on academic suspension and ended up needing surgery on his shoulder (the second in 2 years) ending his swimming career also.  It was along winter having him home,marrying to work through anger issues and lack of motivation. 

 

This spring and summer he seems to have turned a corner, he worked very hard, our relationship is much stronger.  There is still that anger and strong emotion right under the surface but he has been trying to express it to me more rather than letting it build, the last big out burst was in May. I don't think he is out of the woods completely but he wants to give school a try again so here we go.

 

 

I am nervous.  I am trying to be hopeful and confident and hate the idea that I am going to have to check up on him more this time.  Screwing up again would financially be extremely costly not to mention the emotional aspect of failing again.  I want him to have the positive experience of being away from home, spreading his wings, finding his passion.  Finding a balance between telling him I know he can do this, he's smart and responsible and hard working and being realistic with him that if he screws up again I'm not paying for him to be away again.

 

Thanks for listening.  Any advice or personal experience would be so greatly appreciated!

[Carey]

I have no advice as I dragged a very belligerent Jacob out of bed this morning to repeat his 9th grade year because he melted down last year too.  But I truly hope that your son reaches his stride this time and start living his dreams like I'm sure his dad would want him too.  Be proud of yourself too ... for helping him reach this point.

[Wheelerswife]

Now studying Student Affairs, I realize that there are people on campuses who really do care about individual students and would be willing to establish a working relationship with your son if he is willing to do the same.  The person could be a hall director in a residence hall, a personal or academic counselor or someone whose responsibility is student retention.  Since your son is considered an adult, it really has to be his initiative.  He may have requirements to meet with campus staff as a condition of his return to school (or not).  He may also find that establishing a relationship with his advisor or a professor/instructor that he likes can do the trick.  Teaching faculty all have office hours...and many will tell you that some of their favorite experiences are having students come to see them.  Encourage him to use those hours if he has any struggles with his academics.

 

Lots of kids have the same experience he had...and return with a year of maturity and do really well.

 

Hugs,

 

Maureen

[mmg19]

No personal experience but I'd say you are doing everything right.  Communication and staying aware is key.  Good info from Maureen and she appears to be in the loop for the help he may need.  Sending prayers for both of you.

[trying2breathe]

Taking my oldest to college this weekend - big hugs to you.    We're on somewhat of a similar timeframe as DH died 3 weeks before my son's junior year.  DS has not yet processed the grief, I'm hopeful that his freshman year will go well. 

 

My plan is to find the health center and counseling center once we get to campus.  It's up to him on whether he will use the services. 

 

My heart is with you, more hugs 

 

 

[MikeR]

My son goes back as a sophomore Sunday. He didn't have the issues your son does, but one thing I wanted to point out is that this is the age where they can mature very quickly. College gives them some responsibility without having us right there. Getting to classes on time, doing their schoolwork, etc. The changes I've seen in my son since the day he graduated H.S. are amazing. We relate more and more as adults now.

 

I think you may be surprised and see your son step up to the plate and take charge of his life. At least, I am praying for that to happen.

 

Mike