BrokenHeart2 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 So a dear friend of DH visited yesterday and mentioned as he left he'd like to take me to dinner. It's been over 2 yrs for me since ..... Well you know. I could be oh so persuaded and I am completely fucked up tonight thinking I could actually do a friends with benefits. WTF am I thinking but at the same time...hell ya. I am a complete mess tonight. Help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 BH2, I haven't faced this kind of opportunity at this point and although I don't think I could do a FWB situation myself, I don't honestly know what I would do given your situation. I've pretty much learned not to judge what others might do. I don't know if there could even be a connection beyond FWB with this guy...so maybe try dinner? Best wishes! Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 The next one means more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 Thank you Maurren for letting me put it out there. This is not me but need to have some discussion and someone actually hear me. Thank you for hearing me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joey Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Just thinking I will regret it. I asked your question to my imaginary magic 8-ball, and it returned this quote from Hamlet: "This above all: to thine own self be true" I hope whatever you do makes you feel better, and not just for the night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 Thank you Joey. My thoughts exactly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 Sorry you are feeling f'ed up. Lately I've been wondering whether I could do a fwb situation. I'm not interested in a relationship, but it's been awhile since I've had sex and I do miss it. I think only you can answer whether it's a good idea or not. Dinner sounds nice though! My advice, for what it's worth, is go with your instinct. Do what feels right for you. Wishing you peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lcoxwell Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I had advice for you, then I read Joey's response and realized he basically gave the exact same advice, only worded so much better than I could have. Truthfully, I have not faced this situation, so I cannot truly advise. The closest I have come to a FWB relationship was with my best friend from college, who wanted to see me, if I had made it back to visit my family and friends in NC last year. Thankfully, I started seeing New Guy and chose not to travel last summer, which turned out to be a very good thing. Had college friend and I done the FWB thing, I think I would have ended up feeling guilty and regretting it, and I believe things could have gotten quite messy. As it is now, he and I are still incredibly close friends, he is now engaged, and I am very happy with my New Guy. As Joey quoted, "To thine own self be true." Don't do anything that you will regret. That being said, there is nothing wrong with going for dinner, and no one says you have to sleep with him. On the other hand, I am not one to judge, and it has been a long, LONG time for me, too, so I can understand the desire to possibly enter into a FWB relationship. This kind of relationship seems to work for some people, and who am I to judge what other people do? In the end, only you can truly decide what is best for you. Whatever you decide, I hope the results will make you happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted September 9, 2015 Author Share Posted September 9, 2015 Thank you all for you input. I've never been a FWB type of person and can't imagine starting now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I dont think there is anything wrong with going out to dinner, enjoying the company of a man, maybe flirt a little and get in touch with that part of yourself. It doesn't have to lead to anything physical unless you decide you want it to. I've never done FWB but flirting and fantasizing about someone can give you that alive feeling and open you up to future possibilities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 I agree with Trying. Just go out and have a good time. Reconnect with that part of yourself. This is exactly what I've been telling myself. I tend to overanalyze things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mizpah Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Thank you all for you input. I've never been a FWB type of person and can't imagine starting now! I'm not saying you should go against your gut, but I will say that there are many aspects of myself and decisions post-widowhood that have surprised me. I find that you never know how you're going to react to a situation until you're in it, and things you never thought you'd do, sometimes you do, and that can be ok, and sometimes the best decision ever. But trust your gut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momtokam Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Thank you all for you input. I've never been a FWB type of person and can't imagine starting now! I'm not saying you should go against your gut, but I will say that there are many aspects of myself and decisions post-widowhood that have surprised me. I find that you never know how you're going to react to a situation until you're in it, and things you never thought you'd do, sometimes you do, and that can be ok, and sometimes the best decision ever. But trust your gut. I can really resonate with this. I have done things completely out of my prewidowed comfort zone. Most have been empowering to me and have helped me grow as a person. I keep opening myself to even more possibilities. FWB is one of those things on my mind. Not sure if I will be able to do it or not but I am open to the possibility. That is so unlike the old me. Yes, be true to yourself, but at the same time, let yourself live. We all know life is too short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guaruj Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 So a dear friend of DH visited yesterday and mentioned as he left he'd like to take me to dinner. It's been over 2 yrs for me since ..... If you haven't eaten dinner in the past two years, then I don't think you should wait for anyone else. Seriously, though: He's asking you to have dinner with him. Is there something about him that makes you believe he wants much more than that right now? If the answer is "yes", then you may be happier by taking a slow and steady pace with him, since he was your husband's friend first. If you like and trust this guy, then I hope you will go out with him just to have some fun. |+| M a r k |+| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted September 11, 2015 Author Share Posted September 11, 2015 Awe, that's why I love coming here. My head is a mess and I get great advice from all of you to process! Thank you! I do need to get out of my comfort zone and stop feeling like I would be unfaithful, yeah....crazy eh (Canadian "Reconnect with that part of yourself"....yes. Who the heck is that self? Maybe it's time to find out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 Who the heck is that self? Maybe it's time to find out! This is exactly what I'm working on. I've had some surprising results!! I hope you do as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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