MissingSquish Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I have so many things to be thankful for right now. So much about my life is finally coming together better than I could have ever dreamed was possible. But the intense memories, both good and bad from my relationship with Squish, are bubbling up to the surface. So many things in my daily routine have been affected. Tonight, I was showering, and I thought back to when Squish used to shower and sang loudly and completely off key. When I'd sneak in the bathroom while he was doing it, he'd give me a sheepish grin. I miss that deep intimacy with him. Where he'd give me butterflies so often. He was intoxicating. But on the converse, I remember all of the times he overdosed and the deep, lasting pain of losing the man I loved over and over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anniegirl Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Waves roll in, wash over and then go back out. Nature of the beast. But it's hard. Memories conflict. No one has a perfect relationship. ((hugs)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Thanks Anniegirl. I am so thankful to be able to be among supportive and understanding peers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Tight hugs as you ride this latest wave out. You're in the middle of an exciting transition with your new job and I know for me, the good moments can bring the grief on as much as the bad ones. He should be here to congratulate you and support and it just plain sucks that he's not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mangomom Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Tight hugs as you ride this latest wave out. You're in the middle of an exciting transition with your new job and I know for me, the good moments can bring the grief on as much as the bad ones. He should be here to congratulate you and support and it just plain sucks that he's not. This is when we need a like button. I agree completely with what she said! Breathe easy and keep moving forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Thank you guys so much. Trying, you hit the nail on the head. He SHOULD be here to celebrate and share in my success. The triggers for me now are the positive things in my life. The negative stuff I have learned to cope and deal with in a way that doesn't make me miss him anymore. I have been through the worst in my life already without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singinmomo4 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 ((((((MS))))))) Funny how those memories hit out of the blue and completely throw us off our axis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Sorry MissingSquish....we are on similar timelines and I understand. You have a very positive attitude but went through such a loss. I personally want my grief to go away but it won't. I have also recently gone through those pangs of missing him and it's painful. I feel I am doing all the right things but I still really miss him and our married life. Lots of hugs and be good to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Thanks Singinmom and Captainswife. Completely throwing off our axis, yup, totally agree with that. CW, I'm sorry you are going through some similar emotions currently. Sending you peace and love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 But on the converse, I remember all of the times he overdosed and the deep, lasting pain of losing the man I loved over and over again. Ive struggled to find the words to express this exact thing. You say it perfectly. Those were the moments that kept me from leaving him though every thought I was nuts for staying. And I lost him over and over and over. Hugs to you today my friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 Thank you Carey. Was busy today at work and had a better day overall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 Spoke too soon. Crying has ensued tonight again. Fuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rifatheroffour Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Spoke too soon. Crying has ensued tonight again. Fuck. I hate when I speak too soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 Thanks for your support rifatheroffour. I feel a bit better currently. Going to try to get to sleep early tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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