Yay, she's at college; boo-hoo, she's at college

[MamaZ]

My eldest just moved five hours away to art school, the culmination of a life long dream. I feel relieved to have gotten one from age nine post cancer to launched, BUT... I underestimated the insanity of missing her, despite being happy about this. The child never calls, does not reply to email, etc... The logical part of me realizes that this is good. She is assimilating and maturing. My momma's heart screams at every "hole" where it seems she should be.

 

It 's a lot like how my heart and mind battled after losing D.

 

I know we survive and have certainly suffered worse, but still felt like getting it out there, to those who best know what it's like.

 

Thanks!

[mmg19]

Congrats to you and your daughter on making it to this milestone in her goals.  I don't have words of wisdom but I feel the pain you are feeling.  You will rationalize all the reasons she does not call or e-mail and probably a little truth in each rationalization BUT I still remember my Mom saying "I expect a call"  "I expect calls to be returned" "I expect you to help me adjust to your leaving home for college" and if you're not mature enough to do this, I'm immature enough to show up at the dorm knocking.  We laugh about it 25 years later but  the closer my kids come to leaving for college the more I understand exactly what she was going through.

 

It is hard to not share in this day of instant communication.  When she needs something you will hear immediately.  ((Hugs))

[MikeR]

My son started college last year. On the ride home from dropping him off, I was teary, feeling his absence intensely. I remember feeling that his going away is a good thing - it's the normal progression of life - but that he would never again be a full-time part of our household. Now it's just my daughter and me.

 

I get the "hole" feeling you mentioned - after being away for the semester it was so nice to have him home for the summer. We had interesting, adult conversations all summer and now that he is back at school I miss that.

 

One thing I asked of him was to let me know when he had free time to talk (we Skype rather than just talk on the phone). He is pretty good with that - we speak about once a week. Maybe gentle reminders for her to contact you might make a difference.

 

Mike

[klim]

Older son's in third year....not really good at getting back on email....told me to expect a 24h turnaround.

It's neat to see them mature...I call him my quasi adult.

Younger son tried to move 5 hrs away to uni........he's back...... didn't adjust well and wasn't sure of the program.

Sounds like your daughter knows what she likes and is finding her way. Enjoy it. 

JUst maybe , for your sake,  but maybe for your sake ask for the 24 h rule on the txts.

[Wheelerswife]

Not a parent here, but I'm in a university environment...and kids are glued to their phones 24/7.  They don't check their email, but texts?  If they don't respond right away, your messages will get buried under a list of other messages!  Choose your timing for when you know they aren't in class or working at a job for the best chances of getting a response.  (And yes, they can't ignore the phones in class either, much to the dismay of their professors!)

 

Maureen

[calimom]

I feel your pain, MamaZ!  My eldest went away to college and it left a huge hole - she's now graduated, and just finished her final summer here at "home", and it's another adjustment altogether.  It's hard.

 

On the communication front, while I understand the desire to have emails, texts, etc. retuned, I also appreciated my DD discovering her own independence.  So many parents now helicopter and want to be involved in every aspect of their kids' lives, texting between every class, wanting to know who's at what party, it's almost like they wish to be at school themselves.  It's a fine line of too much and not enough contact. 

 

Hopefully you and your daughter find a communication style that works well for you both, and I hope you empty nest heart heals. You've done good work to raise an independent young woman.