Please help, I need a widows perspective & ideas/suggestion,please

[Torn]

Input,from you Guys & Ladies more so actually..

 

Well, this is on the topic of making friends with a lady,who is always been sweet to me through time and her and I joke and play when we run into one another....So,here's the question.

 

I've recently gotten her phone number and my honest goal is to become friends with her.

  I enjoy all things lady from my 20 plus years of marriage, and relationships which all  began as friends.

 

So after my Wife passed away,for a long while I couldn't even concider talking to a lady , I still felt committed.

Well I miss so much having a lady in my life, to chat with and support emotionally,just to be "there" for one another as friends.

 

  Last night we text for a few hours non-stop & she seemed receptive and stated she enjoyed getting to know one another better and connecting with me.

(such a cool feeling)

 

I've obviously not dated or asked a lady out in more than 20 years & I'm unsure what is common for  men and women to do these days?

Obviously the movies comes to mind but is so cliche.

    I'm planning ahead, in hopes to maybe figure something out, that could allow us to meet up and spend a lil time chatting & see how that goes.

 

What do people do in 2015?

  After being married so long I have no clue what would be cool to do,as friends..

  Any ideas? Any words of caution...etc

    I find myself excited to make friends and don't want to come off as desperate of come on to strong...etc.

    So I'm unsure and would like ideas if anyone has any.

    Take care ~ ToRn

[Virgo]

Just remember that she probably has the same thoughts  as you. I know I do! I think it really depends on where you live as to different date ideas. Check out events in your area. Maybe suggest getting together and ask her what she would like to do.

[Guaruj]

Torn -

 

Congratulations on getting this woman's phone number and chatting her up. I only wish I had that kind of luck in recent months.

 

I've obviously not dated or asked a lady out in more than 20 years & I'm unsure what is common for  men and women to do these days?

 

I've thought about this subject myself in recent months. Have you thought about asking her to meet you for lunch somewhere? That way, you could see her in the middle of the day, things wouldn't be too fancy and you can both leave separately after you eat.

 

People used to meet for drinks, but Americans are (rightfully) very cautious about drinking and driving now. A lot of people who date online will meet for the first time at a coffee house, which is even lower-key and less expensive than lunch or drinks. It sounds like you know this woman much better than someone you just met online, so I think lunch is a better option.

 

Obviously the movies comes to mind but is so cliche.

 

Movies are great if you have dinner first. Keep in mind that you can't talk to each other, or even look at each other, while the movie is playing.

 

Whatever you ask her, be ready to suggest a specific time and place. Also, I suggest that you pick a place whose location more convenient for her than you.

 

Good luck with this. I hope you both have fun.

 

 

[momtokam]

Lunch is a great low key idea.

 

If you have a nice dessert place/cafe nearby you can do dessert and coffee and chat a bit.

 

Going for ice cream is another option.

 

A walk in a park depending on weather where you are located.

 

Good luck, relax, and enjoy!

[Torn]

All great ideas, thanks a lot .

    I felt so good to simply talk to this lil lady.

    My hope is that she and I could do a few things lunch, talk..that's the beginning of good things to me.

 

  With the new year holiday so close to her and I talking,I knew she had plans & am glad honestly.

    For a moment I felt kinda like a human again talking to her, that was great.

    I'll keep ya posted.

 

Thanks for congratulating me for getting her number,for me that in itself was a bridge that was hard to cross .

  I want to feel again, and the feeling not all be sad...

  I have found myself struggling not to mention my Wife,it's hard not to when half your life was with a spouse, I suppose I'll be more comfortable in time,but for now I'm grateful to connect.

 

[soloact]

Dinner

[Bunny]

You might try looking in the Arts & Entertainment section of your newspaper. See if there are any exhibits at a museum that look interesting, musical events, art shows. Bonus point: a lot of these options are free or fairly cheap.

 

 

[downinahole]

ToRn,

 

It is apparent, through the joking and playing aorund, that y'all get along well together. Try not to overthink the perfect dating experience that she would enjoy. It seems like she simply enoys your company. If y'all were friends before, it seems like y'all would be sharing the ride to the destination. In the car is where y'all will be getting to know each other. Take your time, drive at a casual pace, talk and learn about each other. The final destination is secondary. The journey to that final destination is the actual date. Just my 2 cents.

[Guest nonesuch]

A walk on the beach?  Remarkably unimaginative, I know, but you're not trapped in a car with a potential nut job.

 

As for movies making it unable to communicate, well, it ain't necessarily so.

 

A theater near me offers movie showings specifically geared toward patrons on the autism spectrum.  The lights are dimmed but not out.  The volume is lowered.  people are allowed to get up and sing and move about.  The downside is they're all matinees and p or pg rated. A different theater near us offers tables and individual seats that swivel, and actual food and drink service during the movie.  Clearly, not for those who want the entire movie unfettered by wait staff and more rum drinks.

 

Is there a paint bar near you? These are springing up all over.  An employee of the paint bar leads those who attended that night through the process of creating a painting that each will take home that night. Although everyone paints the same picture, it's interesting to see that they do not all turn out the same.  I think the paint bars near us offer food, wine and beer.

 

[Torn]

The paint bar, sounds smart for people to enjoy.

 

 

  I have gotten a few 'tidbits' of New info on my new lady friend.

  She likes Chinese Food, well see that's the good stuff to me,it's my favorite & all the local restaurants know me personally.

  So I betcha,if nothing else I'll take her for Chinese Food.

 

  She's a comfortable kinda person & if at all possible we could enjoy going out to eat and chat....etc

  Well I'd feel like a human being & neither of us could feel out a wack.

      Time will tell,but I've made a connection with her & she shared more than I have,because IM A WIDOW & figure no one wants to hear about 'our kinda' loss.

    In due time I suppose, at least I have a new friend,good enough.

[Torn]

ToRn 1 N.lady 0....tehehehehe...

  I've been upgraded to phone calls,I'm telling you guys and my DAMN SELF.

  That just talking with her is fun,like lil kid fun.

  Like holding hands as a 3rd grader fun.

Kinda nifty...

Sorry to hog post,I'm just glad to be considered for company and overlook the drama of recent events (helliday all crude daughter) stuff.

[skipd]

Why not something as simple as miniature golf, or a billiards hall during mid-day hours?  I find the latter to be very relaxing since the place is usually quite empty and the activity tends to eliminate any awkward silence.  If she makes you feel like a kid, then play like a kid.

 

I don't like movies for dates.  Never have and never will.  Movies are what you do on the umpteenth date when you know the person and just want to go have a good time together.  In the beginning, I want to get to know the person and not have some false sense of who they are because of limited lines of conversation.

 

Other ideas could be art festivals or a walk around downtown followed by dinner.

[soloact]

Torn, if you both enjoy Chinese fare a leisurely meal is nice for chatting and getting to know each other better. Congrats on the upgrade to voice calls! Now go have some dinner with your lady friend!

[gracelet]

A meal somewhere casual. Sit in a corner and ideally sit next to her, not opposite. Makes for easier hand holding ;-)

 

Walk around an art gallery. Even if neither of you have a clue about art, you can comment on what you like, don't like, be silly, or talk about non art things.

 

Go for a long walk. Pick an area you're unfamiliar with, go exploring. Hold hands if it goes well.

 

Go to a wine tasting evening. If the date is going well, don't drink too much! If it's not, drink the wine and blur the memory.

 

I'd stay away from the movies until a few dates in. You want to be able to talk!

 

Best option - ask HER what she'd like to do.

[Torn]

Just a goodie update:

  Well I talked to her joked and played all over the phone.

  Well after new years eve, I wished her a good year + Walla...that's the last chat I had.

 

  Now I gotta say I'm by no means hurt, I'm glad to have reached out & talk, I'll get in touch another time.

  Something for her must of come up, and I don't want to be any imposition to anyone..

     

But as a WIDOW just reaching out to talk to another human to become friends was a 'task' I needed to accomplish,I'm happy for that.