Opinions appreciated...

[SoVerySad]

For some time I've been thinking about trying to start a younger wids meet up group in our area. I'm finally ready to take the plunge. I am getting my meet up page set up. I need to pick a first meeting time & location, so I'm hoping for some input there.

 

First, what day of week and time of day would you think would be most accommodating?

 

Second, I've been all over the place trying to decide on a restaurant location trying to take into consideration cost, easy access, varied menu options, separate dining room space, serves alcohol or not, etc.?

 

If you were to attend a meet up group in your area, what would your preferences be?

 

I would appreciate any help you can offer. RobFTC, if I recall correctly you have/had a group, so if you can share what has worked for you, please let me know.

[BrokenHeart2]

For what its worth I haven't been to one but if it was early evening, casual on a Sat. night (sexy wid sat night could have some good reads ) I would go!  Then its left open to party on or go home with no pressure.  Just my thoughts!  Good luck with whatever happens! Wids getting together is always a good thing!  We get it.

 

[Guest TooSoon]

The political campaign I'm volunteering for meets at 2 pm on Sundays - anyone who goes to church is done by then, there's time to go to the grocery store or whatever, it is light out, people don't have all day to panic and not come (only half of it), and its over in time for people still to feel like they have the late afternoon and evening.  It seems like a pretty neutral time.  Maybe you could start with that? 

 

I would do it in a public place that is not too loud so you can actually hear one another.  What are some of your ideas for venues?  A coffee shop big enough for a group would be great but usually they're too small to accommodate.  You might be able to meet in the Student Union Building at a local college - they usually have millions of spaces for students to gather and plentiful ways of getting your hands on a cup of coffee.  This is a tough one.  Wherever you choose it should be centrally located - I'm less inclined to follow through if its a big hike. 

 

I'd present the first meeting as a get to know you thing and say there you can also talk about future events you might want to plan, based on the ideas of the group?

 

Good for you, SVS!  xoxo

 

I've never done this so just some musings.   

 

 

[ManutesGirl]

There's a Young Widow meet up group that I am part of.  Activities seem to come in spurts.  Sunday night dinners at a restaurant tend to be more successful than other nights for this group.

[Catnip]

I was the organizer for our meetup group for widows and widowers for 4 years. I just stepped down as organizer last year, but I still attend. Our group is for any age, so most are already retired. But I am not. As organizer, I found that we enjoyed going out to dinner to talk about our sorrows and celebrations. Usually, about 10-15 would attend. So I found that I needed restaurants that would take reservations. Many places would NOT take reservations on Friday or Saturday nights. That left week nights, usually Thursday nights. We also requested separate checks. Most places were fine with that, and those that gave us a hard time we just never went back to. We meet twice a month now, one dinner at night, and the first Sunday of the month at a local diner for 1:00 brunch. I have found out that you cannot please everyone. I was always open to suggestions, and it's fun to try new places. Yes, we sometimes try expensive places, but the more casual spots work better. The best attended place seems to be the diner, cheap good food with breakfast all day!

 

I stepped down because I did it for 4 years and set up 56 events! In the summer we did fit in different things- mini golf, boat ride, ice cream night. I just happened to get tired of doing it anymore. Now, two girls organize it. One does the computer and the other calls places for reservations.

 

Make sure you ask members to always RSVP, and be sure to call restaurants the day before to confirm and give them an up to date number of people you expect to attend. And remember, widows are people too. They sometimes RSVP and don't attend and others don't RSVP but show up anyway. I always gave out nametags. Some people come for a few times and then we would never see them again. It served it's purpose. Others have attended for many years and we have become good friends. And remember, the ladies always outnumber the men.

 

Good luck on doing this. I found it very rewarding, and so many people say it really helps them.

 

Let me know how it goes for you!

~Catnip

[Guest TooSoon]

I was going to suggest diner too.  Some of the classic ones here have more recently added rooms that can take larger parties. 

[RobFTC]

Caveat - my group is very quiet and I am thinking that I should have stepped down already.  You FC homies, yes, it really is as slow as you think, and I'm sorry.  All I have done in some time has been to pay the dues.

 

I have had good luck with breakfasts, lunches and hikes.  I would not sweat setting up a perfect event as much as setting up more and different events that work with different people's preferences and schedules.  If you can, also try to get other people suggesting events, and even empowering them to submit them without your action.  Adding co-moderators earlier rather than later is helpful.  My group was inches from the big buzzsaw blade when I took it on  - the prior admin has burned out and then moved, and hadn't said a single thing until we were all getting e-mails that the group would close in a week, then three days, etc.  I would perhaps consider insisting that members come out once a year or so - more members costs more, but many on the list won't bother letting you know they are done.  An annual fee might say that a little more directly, and I think meetup.com can help you take care of that.

 

Take care,

Rob T

[SoVerySad]

Thank you all for your replies, especially to Catnip and RobFTC for sharing your experiences in coordinating groups. Please keep suggestions from other members coming as well since more opinions will give me an idea for setting up different events. I definitely want suggestions from the Meet Up group members as I want it to be helpful and fun.

 

I actually set up the initial meeting for next month for a 1 pm brunch at our local Perkins. It has a small separate dining/meeting room we can use. It is also easy access from I-81 as we are only 20 - 40 minutes away from MD and WV.

 

I'm excited and nervous at the same time. Nervous seems to be my new normal, but it is nice to feel a little excited along with it.

 

Thank you again!

[Trying]

There is a meet up group around here that I went to for a while. Once a month they meet for more of a support group type session and once a month for a social event, usually dinner at a restaurant.  The restaurant is usually something casual with a separate room or area.  They also add in a Saturday night movie sometimes. 

 

Good luck, I think it's awesome that you are doing this!  I'm sure that once you get up and going things will evolve based on the members of the group.

[Guest Lost35]

I would love to go to a group, but have not been able to, as there are none that include childcare, something I would need, as there is no other option.  When my little guy was older, I was hoping I could find something that was on while he was at school, but it was not available, either.  So many young widow(er)s have children, but the times or locations are contrary to this, which simply makes it impossible.

 

I would have paid for onsite care, if it was available.  A local rec centre, with a space for child-minding and a teenager or two who need some extra income would be perfect for me. 

 

Just a thought...

[SoVerySad]

Thank you, Lost35, for the suggestions. I definitely want to try to get things scheduled to meet as many group needs as possible.

[Torn]

Off topic a bit,

But how are you guys finding these groups ar all?

  When I first lost my wife, I looked and looked, there was nothing available here.my reason for bringing this up is there  should be a "sticky thread" that helps guide newly widowed to these groups, search terms with examples & what to expect...etc.

 

  This could help many that come to "our site" to find friends and share.

.Definitely worth the thought,any input??

[Jen]

SVS, I am SO proud of you for doing this!!! Please keep us updated! <3 <3 <3

[SoVerySad]

Torn,

 

I've set up my group through meetup.com. If you go to that website and put in your zip code under find a meetup, as well as within the number of miles you'd travel, you can see all the different meetup groups in your area. You may not find one for young widow/ers such as mine, but perhaps you'd find another group you would be interested in.

 

When I looked for grief support groups, I only found a few in my area. Two met regularly - one at the local hospital and one at the funeral home I used. I certainly wasn't interested in attending at either of those places. There was a program that ran in the Spring and Fall for families, but my kids didn't want to go.

 

Churches in many areas will sometimes run programs called "Griefshare". I have a new friend attending one right now. They run one night a week for several weeks as I understand it. It is a scripture-based program which has not interested me as my faith has taken a pretty hard hit and for now I'm not pushing that on myself - just letting it be for right now.

 

You could contact your local hospice agency or cancer treatment center and ask for their social workers. They might be able to tell you any groups in your area. These will usually be more structured support groups than my group, which I am envisioning as more of a social group which ends up providing support through organic interaction.

 

So far, my group has only been announced on meet-up as a new group in my area and I have 3 members already. I want to make some contacts in getting the word out more, but I've been bogged down with kid issues.

[Torn]

Thanks, I've only recently heard of the "meet-up" site and possibility.

    Sorry, I missed your reply,thanks again.

 

[Kater]

I also just learned about meetup.com from visiting these and other boards.  I went to my first meetup last Saturday. 

 

We just went for drinks to a quiet lounge where we could easily talk (I think there were about 9 or 10 of us).  It was nice as we are all just getting to know each other, as the group is newish.  However, future meetups are planned for dinner, bowling, comedy club outing, walks at a park, etc.  I think it has grown a bit and so some "sub" meetups are planned for those that are single parenting (with kid friendly locations selected for those), etc.

 

I like the idea of a weekend.  For most of us, weekends are the hardest times of the week, so a Saturday night meet up is a nice way to break things up.

 

Good luck and good for you for venturing out.  It took some courage just to attend one, let alone organize one.  I am sure those that participate will greatly appreciate your efforts.

 

K.

[SoVerySad]

Thank you for the suggestions, Kater. I'm hoping doing this will reverse my current trend of preferring to stay home by forcing myself to go out. Since I enjoy helping others, hopefully it will be successful.