I just wish....

[still_lost]

That I wasn't such a coward to end it all, that's how I'm feeling at this point in my life. I'm beyond tired of hearing that it will get better because it doesn't. Not even a little bit in almost seven years, and I can't hold it together much longer...I die a little more each day, so what happens when there's nothing left?

[twistedmensa]

I wish I had some words of wisdom that would magically transform your feelings, but all I have to offer is a hug from someone who has fought those feelings for almost forty years. For what it's worth, I don't think you are a coward for not acting on your feelings; it takes great courage to continue to put one foot in front of the other in spite of the emotional pain you feel.

 

I urge you to seek counseling. You deserve to have hope and happiness in your life.

[klim]

You  have son whom is your purpose at the moment but it is not easy doing this alone. There is stress and you are strong just to be doing this but the suggestion of seeking out someone to talk to,to ease the burden may be advisable.A counsellor may help in this area...definitley something to think about as you sound like you are hurting. Hugs to you for now.....

[Mizpah]

It's BRAVE, not cowardly, to keep on, when it's hard all around you and inside you.  Is there anything that gives you any little tiny bit of solace and comfort?  If so, cling to it.  If not, cling to us.  I wish there was something I could do.  Do you live near me? 

[Out_of_the_Blue]

It's been seven years for me as well and I've had my moments, that's for sure. What I did to get through them was to give myself a time, one year down the road, when I would see if I was still feeling the same way and if I was, I'd give myself permission to do whatever I had to do. Somehow this took the pressure off, relieved some of the pain, and I was able to keep going.

 

I also use sports as therapy. Riding my bike,  slamming some balls, and going for a walk definitely make me feel better. Reading this message board was also a huge help to me as well because I could see my feelings were 'normal'. I would certainly consider talking to my doctor and going on medication if I felt I couldn't manage. A friend of mine, who has been widowed for four years, recently started on Cipralex and the change in her mood is incredible.

 

When you're feeling like you do, it's hard to believe that life can improve. I understand. Please keep fighting and coming here to 'talk' with others who are in the same boat.

 

[LTSLforever]

I feel exactly the same way.  If only I had the courage.....why live....this world sucks.....I  can't take it anymore...

I wish I had a child so maybe that would give me a reason to live.  For now, I don't know what to do but I do know we have to get as much help as possible.  I am on meds, in therapy and attend a grief support group.  My family says - how would Steve feel if you did something to yourself and that Steve lives on through me.  Of course, I come up with answers to these questions to support my desire not to live but maybe they are right.  Our loved one lives on through us.  That beautiful person will be in our heart and mind forever and nobody (even death) can take that from us. 

[Captains wife]

For some reason I always want to "fix" things for people but as we know it isn't that simple especially when it comes to grief. Being a young widow and single parent is rough - I struggle sometimes. I'm very sorry you are feeling this way so I'm trying to think how I can offer useful suggestions. I think finding a comparable grief therapist is key. Exercise also really helped me as well as finding new things to motivate me in life - whether it be finding ways to bond with my son, to developing a new social circle, to new hobbies. Wishing you all the best

[Guest TooSoon]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.  While this may not be especially helpful, I want to say that I really fought my grief.  I fought against the reality of it and against the reality of just how hard being a career-minded solo-parent was going to be.  I tried to do everything in my power to keep it at bay until it overcame me.  When it did overcome me, it was not pretty, the learning curve was steep and I learned some pretty harsh lessons, paid for that naivete.  After I let it overcome and overwhelm me, I again tried to over-power it by getting really ambitious and control-freaky about my career, my daughter's education, my relationship and especially about my weight (still struggling with this one).  I have repeatedly tried to ruin my relationship (it is long term, long distance) because I can't have what I want right now and going on with uncertainty is so very painful.  I'm at a point where (on good days), I try to practice acceptance.  It is what it is.  On bad days, that feels like resignation, giving up, and I try to accept that too.  There are more good days than bad and I make a point to acknowledge and remember that.  One of the gifts I am giving to myself right now is to acknowledge and accept that I am tired.  Not "I had a bad night of sleep" tired but just completely exhausted, spent, no fight left.  I am learning to treat that exhaustion the same way I would the flu. Another thing that has helped me is to acknowledge that I am not the same person I was 5 years ago.  These events have fundamentally altered the way I perceive and exist in the world and that is a good thing.  Please be kind to yourself and try to find the little joys in life and moments of beauty, even if they are something seemingly insignificant or fleeting.

[Torn]

It's so hard to not feel this way,surly so many feel the same.

  But I gotta say,my wife like EVERYONE ELSE'S spouse WANTS US TO LIVE HAPPILY.

 

We each owe it to ourselves as humans to try and endure & get help if this feeling persist....we are all gifted with life and the chance to live another day,we MUST count this as a blessing...we Must.

  Our loved ones I believe would be disappointed terribly to think we'd given up,please hold on & get any help you can.

Sorry I just have to say this our lives have purpose,we must find that purpose.

WE ARE ALL WORTH LIVING & LOVING