Bad Day

[Alexswife]

I've been doing fairly well lately. I've even been able to look at the future without so much dread. Well, today I crashed. I've felt the emotions building in me these last two weeks but I've pushed them away and thought of happier times.

 

I got a text today telling me that one of my friends had a baby boy. I went from being excited for her to being completely shattered. I was at work and unable to hold my tears back.

We always dreamed of having a little boy. We were going to name him after my sweet Alex.

 

He would've been the best dad. A dream we never saw come true. I miss him everyday but on days like today I just want to crawl in the bed and hide forever.

 

He was so healthy. We were so happy. Everything was brand new, life was just getting started, we still hadn't unpacked from the honeymoon, there were still wedding decorations left in our closet. We had just begun and it was all over in the blink of an eye. My whole world ended. It's been almost four years and I still can't believe its all over.

[SoVerySad]

Alexswife, honey, I am so sorry you are hurting so much. You are correct in all the reasons you have listed why your loss of Alex is so hard to understand. I'm so sorry you didn't get to live out the plans and dreams you were so looking forward to. I wish I could lessen the pain for you somehow.

 

Sending you my love and very tight hugs...

[Max2507]

So sorry you are having a bad day. Hugs and solidarity.

[Milojka]

So sorry.... please be very, very gentil to yourself. Hug.

[kjs1989]

Alexwife, I get those crashing days. You drift along, maybe feeling like you are making a bit of progress, and then something triggers a setback, and you feel like any progress you have made is null and void.

 

I wish had answers, all I know is that we just keep trudging along a day at a time, trying to develop healthy coping mechanisms, taking bits of joy where we can, and hoping for some clarity of purpose. It is all we can do.

 

HUGS.

[Jen]

((((HUGS))))

 

I was so happy when my sister had her precious baby boy this past Monday. But on Wednesday I fell apart. Jim and I tried for 4 years to get pregnant-- we were even scheduled to see a fertility specialist. My sister was on birth control, she certainly wasn't trying, and she fell pregnant and embarked on her fairy tale existence with another James. It's not fair. It's NOT. FREAKING. FAIR. Yeah, I know, life isn't fair, blah blah blah. It just plain sucks, and that's all I've got.

 

We're due for something better. I'll keep holding on if you will.

[MrsDan]

I just saw this. I too, have been doing better, but I still have my moments. Driving to work the other day I broke down. I'm sorry. It's not fair.