still_lost Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 I guess I'm still waiting for my heart to tell me what my head already knows. I'm not convinced that I will find love again. I knew when DH was alive that he was perfect for me. He was kind, considerate, loving, affectionate and a whole lot of other things. They don't make men like that anymore. I've come across some very selfish, childish, and inconsiderate men in the past six years. I've had one long term relationship, then some dates here and there, but no one has been right for me. I took down my profile from a couple of dating sites, since that was a disaster in itself. I'm just facing the reality that very rarely do you find true love twice in one lifetime. Kudos to those who have found happiness in new relationships and marriages, but for some of us, it will never be again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 I may not have found it yet but I'm in the camp of never say never cuz you never know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taurus Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 I guess I'm still waiting for my heart to tell me what my head already knows. I'm not convinced that I will find love again.... This is my reality as well: nothing unnatural or morose about it, just the way I am at the moment. I'm neither looking nor waiting for anyone to pop up over the horizon. I'm still married, as far as I'm concerned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 Taurus, I am just over 3 years out and still feel married, still wearing my wedding rings, haven't thought once of removing them. Yet, I am starting to wish for the companionship I shared with my husband. I'd rather it be with him, but I've had to accept he can't come back. Maybe I'll get lucky and find someone also looking for companionship to fill in the loneliness. While I feel the lack of intimacy more strongly now, the thought of it with anyone other than my husband is still unthinkable to me. Sigh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest April Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 SoVerySad.. that's how I feel.. I miss the intimacy.. but I can't picture myself with anyone else.. my husband accepted every stretch mark.. every imperfection.. because I received each one of them carrying his children. No one will view me like he did. I still wear my rings too.. I added a third black stoned "anniversary type" band.. I feel it represents my widowhood.. (for me).. It's so subtle.. I don't think anyone else would realize what it means... I wear my husbands band on my pointer finger.. he had the biggest hands. My first husband was physically abusive.. my second husband killed himself.. I think I'm done with relationships for a long time.. if not forever.. I've come to the reality that I suck at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanGenie Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I am starting to wish for the companionship I shared with my husband. I'd rather it be with him, but I've had to accept he can't come back. Maybe I'll get lucky and find someone also looking for companionship to fill in the loneliness. While I feel the lack of intimacy more strongly now, the thought of it with anyone other than my husband is still unthinkable to me. SVS, I'm at 3 years and this is how I feel too. I have removed my rings, more so because I didn't want others to look at me and think I was happily married because I surely wasn't happy. April, I agree with you too. My husband and I spent the last 30 years together. We grew older together and today I wonder who would possibly want this 50-yr old-body. Sigh... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 Remember girls sexy is in the eyes of the beholder and charm and personality is a lot of what people see. MY 50 year old body has lumps and bumps and and an 8 inch surgery scar that run right across my belly....but guess what NG thinks I'm sexy and I can feel it too. everyone is on there own time frame, I too thought I can't imagine being with someone else,,,had the self doubt too...but that is why I say never say never. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 JeanGenie, The only discomfort I've felt about still wearing my rings is that I've had two people assume I have remarried from noticing them. For some reason, that was upsetting to me. Klim, your message about never saying never is a good thing to remember. I truly did love being married. I guess that's why I still feel as if I am. T's friend's mother and dear friend of my in-laws' husband died 1 week before T. T had attended his funeral, which made her so pleased that he came. I've kept in contact with her and my MIL updates me on how she's doing. Although she is well into her 80's, it was amazing how similar we felt dealing with our losses. She moved to an assisted living facility now. She also has a new gentleman suitor she met there. So never say never is true, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 ...she is well into her 80's...has a new gentleman suitor... So never say never is true, I guess. Both of my bf's grandmothers were widowed in their 80s and had old boyfriends from their youths come a courtin', they both re-married. My own grandmothers were widowed in their 50s. One had a couple of serious short term relationships and the other decided not to pursue any, she seemed quite content to live alone. And ladies- please remember that men have also had their bodies ravaged by time, yes? Love is an ageless thing. And- even the second time around- is thankfully still kinda blind and in the eye of the beholder... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunny Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest nonesuch Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 I took the attitude that I *might* never meet someone, and I needed to be okay with that. When I was feeling depressed and needy, the ads and profiles I wrote reflected that, no matter how carefully I tried to craft them. When I was busy with work and barely had time to meet for a cup of coffee, I could bang out an awesome ad and get plenty of responses. They weren't viable candidates, but there was the factor of entertainment, anyway. In spite of being 56 New Beau found me attractive. He's a boob man, and really, I haven't any. What people fantasize about sometimes can't hold a candle to the total package a real live person presents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Portside Posted May 26, 2016 Share Posted May 26, 2016 And ladies- please remember that men have also had their bodies ravaged by time, yes? Love is an ageless thing. And- even the second time around- is thankfully still kinda blind and in the eye of the beholder... Quite. Also, there's a reason there is a light switch in the bedroom. Just say'n. Best wishes - Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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