born to run Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Hello- I am 41 days into this nightmare. I appreciated what I had. I don't understand this at all. It is crushing to know that you all get it, but realizing you're not alone allows you to take a breath. I believe we are supposed to help each other, but it's so tough needing the help. My love, my 51 yo husband, died suddenly one night in our home. Cardiac arrest due to a GI bleed. We don't have children, but two dogs we adore. Just wanted to "introduce myself". Talk soon. Keep swimming, everyone:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheelerswife Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 I'm so sorry to have to welcome you to our club. It is such a shock to lose a spouse so unexpectedly. I think you have the right idea about breathing and swimming. At this point, you have to just try to put one foot in front of the other. We are here when you need us. Don't be afraid to reach out to those who resonate with you. Hugs, Maureen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MR Posted November 7, 2016 Share Posted November 7, 2016 Hi, Sorry to hear see you in this club. We all can understand you pain as we are going thru same thing. Keep moving forward one day at a time and hopefully things will get better. Tx MR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Oh, Born to Rin, you sound exactly like me. No kids, 2 dohs. Only each other. Nothing to live for. I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted November 12, 2016 Share Posted November 12, 2016 borntorun- I am so sorry about your husband My Husband also died suddenly and it just doesn't seem real I'm sure that is true no matter how it happens Just wanted you to know we are here for you try and take care of yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura1612 Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 Ugh. born to run Yes, I feel your pain so much. I'm just nine days out. No kids, just the dog. I'm fighting through the "nothing to live for" feelings. Adam and I were together 17 years, but I have spent more of my life without him than with him. My pup follows me everywhere. He feels the pain, too. Well, he feels anxiety with people coming in and out of the house. I am being looked after well. I know my friends and family will stand strong with me as long as I need it, which is probably forever. Please feel free to PM me if you need. A bleed was a precipitating factor in Adam's death. Another complication of liver cirrhosis. Love to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
born to run Posted November 13, 2016 Author Share Posted November 13, 2016 Totally fighting "nothing to live for". I had Kevin's love for 18 incredible years and we had a ball. I do realize that it hurts so much because it was so good. I oscillate pretty much every minute between optimism to survive this, and an absolutely shattered spirit... makes you feel like you're losing your mind. I keep reminding myself that sometimes it is okay if all I did today was breathe. I'm sorry to have so much company here, but you're all very generous to reach out. Thank you♡♡♡ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoVerySad Posted November 13, 2016 Share Posted November 13, 2016 I'm so sorry for the sudden loss of your husband. My husband was also 51, when he died suddenly from a fatal arrhythmia. It is very hard to wrap your head around. Your feelings are not uncommon for those who have been widowed, unfortunately. The feeling like you are losing your mind is so difficult, especially because the one who could help to ground you is no longer here. I'm sending you my love and a tight hug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 I just wanted to send hugs to you today. xo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
born to run Posted November 18, 2016 Author Share Posted November 18, 2016 Work is nearly unbearable. Nobody knows what to say to me so they don't say anything when I'm sobbing uncontrollably. I cant express what i'm feeling to anyone who doesnt know what this feels like. There is nothing they can say, but the silence is too much. It feels like they are sick of me acting like this, but all I can think about is how sick I am of feeling like this and how long I will feel like this. I am having anxiety about losing my job. It is terrifying to feel like i cant handle this. I found a counselor and my first appointment is Tuesday. I hope she can help me. Too strong for other people too soon, I guess. It's all just pouring out all the time. I want to be alone, I don't want to be alone, I wouldn't know what to do with me, either. This is crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura1612 Posted November 19, 2016 Share Posted November 19, 2016 I go back to work on Monday. My boss suggested this because I work at a school, and all the students and teachers will be gone, and it's just administration. She wanted me to get used to being in the office without people everywhere. Very kind. I've been having a terrible time the last two days. I know it's just two weeks for me. But like you, I struggle with the fact that generally NOBODY understands this. The pain is so raw and real and the hopelessness so strong. But like you, I am going to keep working to make it to some happiness again. Also like you, I want to be alone and not be alone at the same time. It feels like I'm crazy! Then I eat nothing for hours until I have two bags of Doritos and a pop-tart. Healthy me. We are in this together ... I understand you, and so does everyone else here. I'm so thankful for that. Laura Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
born to run Posted November 19, 2016 Author Share Posted November 19, 2016 SO thankful for this group... xoxo We are so tough on ourselves... need this safe place to fall and figure out how to get back up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted December 18, 2016 Share Posted December 18, 2016 .... or just lie there for awhile... Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 I think that is the real trick. We fall, we lay there for a while trying to decide what to do. But in the end, we do eventually get up....even if it's just to get a snack, a drink, or go to the bathroom. Then we could still decide to go back and lay back down a little more if we need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mcdc10 Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 So sorry for your loss. We share a similar story. I'm around your age and my husband was 51 years old. He also died suddenly from a bleed. We have two children but it is a struggle. Stay strong. I am three months out and it's tough but I'm hopeful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
born to run Posted December 20, 2016 Author Share Posted December 20, 2016 12 weeks today... hanging on, dragging myself through... everyone says how tough the holidays will be but DAMN it's like I'm standing still and the whole world is just buzzing right along. The stillness, the quiet, where did everybody go? I know they are in holiday mode, I know they feel badly, I know they don't know what to say, I didn't expect them to stop living as I have, but it's like a whole other level of hurt on top of the deepest, most cutting sadness and pain that I'll ever know. And I just can't reach out to them. I don't want to pull them back into sadness with me. I'm angry about it all... mostly just mad that he's still dead. Yet, everyone here makes me want to find my optimism... for you, for myself, for us. I stayed away for a little while, but only you all know how much of an accomplishment it is to get out of bed each day. Thank you, Mcdc10, Julester3, Beth, Laura, SoVerySad, donswife, MR, Wheelerswife, among so many others. I hope you're each acknowledging every small positive action that you're taking. It's major, and frankly, sometimes it's nothing short of a miracle. xoxo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 It is hard but it helps to make those tiny daily goals and simply be content with them. Remind yourself that it is an accomplishment, plain and simple. It gives you something else to focus on other than that dark cloud that seems to follow us all every stinking day. I get complimented a lot that I'm doing well but I'm a good faker- when I am at work or out - I can get myself through but I usually do badly in the car or at home when I have time to reflect or simply think. Hugs all around today as we gear up for the holidays! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbanyard Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 That makes me the third musketeer I think. My DH was only 48, but he also died of cardiac arrest caused by a GI bleed. We also had no children, but have to fur babies....dog and cat. It is awful, and inconceivable, and unbelievable and just plain unfathomable all the time. To see your hopes, dreams, indeed your entire reality snuffed out in the time it takes to snap your finger is just wrong on so many levels. I will NEVER understand why this happened, I will NEVER understand why both his family and mine have abandoned me when I need them all the most, I will NEVER understand why friends just don't support (except as a like on a FB post now and again). At least you all do and we are all walking this road together. This holiday season I am thankful for people that I can talk to....so thank you! MB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beth_krkswidow Posted December 21, 2016 Share Posted December 21, 2016 ... hanging on, dragging myself through... everyone says how tough the holidays will be but DAMN it's like I'm standing still and the whole world is just buzzing right along. The stillness, the quiet, where did everybody go? I know they are in holiday mode, I know they feel badly, I know they don't know what to say, I didn't expect them to stop living as I have, but it's like a whole other level of hurt on top of the deepest, most cutting sadness and pain that I'll ever know. And I just can't reach out to them. I don't want to pull them back into sadness with me. I'm angry about it all... mostly just mad that he's still dead. Ecactly. I feel like a plagiarizer. I want to quote everyone here. ..mostly just mad that he's still dead. Yup Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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