Suspected Cheating AFTER Death

[kaleighmorgan13]

Soooo just wondering.

 

When my boyfriend died, one of the first things posted on his Facebook (ugh- Facebook condolences, am I right?) was from some random girl I'd never met. It was a shirtless picture of my boyfriend that he had snapchatted her along with her several paragraph soliloquy about how heartbroken she was.

 

So obviously, that raises some questions - mostly, 'Who the heck are you?!'

 

Now I really honestly don't think my boyfriend would have cheated on me. I KNOW how much he loved me and I never questioned it while he was alive

 

But now that he's not here to just straight up ask, this has really been stressing me out. It makes me so angry that on top of everything in my grief, all the feelings I have to process, all the pain I'm feeling, I have to wonder about this damn girl too.

 

I've reached a place where I'm pretty much over it - honestly it doesn't matter if he was just talking to this girl or if he cheated on me or not. He's gone now. We loved each other. We had a happy life. That's what matters and that's what I'll always remember.

 

But I'm just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience and wants to vent.

[RyanAmysMom]

Haven't had that kind of experience - but I wanted to express that I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and it sounds like maybe it's still lingering for you....  I hope you are able to find a way to put this issue to rest - I can't imagine the insecurity and pain that your suspicions might be causing....   

[kjs1989]

I think many of us have found out things about our spouse after they are gone. It is maddening and heartbreaking when we can't have that, "What the hell!!" conversation.

 

In my case, it was not sexual cheating, but monetary. When his accountants went through his personal financial  files at the office they found he had "loaned" his brother a huge amount of money over a number of years. We are talking a HUGE amount of money. No wonder his brother expressed indignation and outrage about the accountants going through files before this came to light.  At the time, I thought that was such an odd stand for him to take because I was grateful someone capable was sorting things out for me.

 

So, no, not sexual cheating, which I can't imagine how difficult that would be to find out or suspect, but he kept a big financial secret from me. There were things we sacrificed and went without (needing a new vehicle, postponed vacations, house repairs, things the kids needed, etc,) while his brother literally bought a small home for his inlaws ( he paid cash!!) with our money. I am not kidding.

[piecesofapart]

Sadly I have had to go thru this too.

 

I was married for 17 years- together just a few days shy of 20 years.

 

About a week after my husbands death (3 years+ now) one of his friends called me. He had the nerve to go on about a VERY bad time early on in our marriage- about a year or two into it. It was suspected by me that my husband was doing drugs with this friend- who I'll call "idiot" 's girlfriend- who I'll call "slutella" at the time.

 

Idiot goes on to start talking about it- and how after Slutella and him broke up she admitted to having sex with my husband twice. I told him- you are really going to talk about that Now? He said- Oh I thought you knew?

 

It was always something I suspected- but my husband always denied- and I even confronted Slutella about it and she also denied it- so on one hand Slutella could have just said that to give a last dig to "idiot".

 

I agonized about it...wanted to flush his ashes down the toliet..but I wrote about it here - as I feel I can't tell anyone..and so many kind people of this group gave me support. And said that in the end he stayed with me and I only ever suspected him cheating that one time.

 

However I did have a VERY errie dream about his...I was up in space? heaven with a guide? angel- and I was walked to a door that opened into a room- but looking in everything looked far away.

I saw my husband kneeling back to me...a Big Angel same up behind him with a whip made out of what looked like a willow branch. My husband was whipped once- I Started to say no..and try to run towards him and he was whipped again... then my guide took my shoulders and turned me away and I was sent back to my sleeping body...

 

Strange...It bothered me for a long...long..long..time and added to my grief and anguish.

But in the end there was so much more to our years than that..and even though I'll never know for sure...I forgive him...as that is all I can do.

 

Wishing you peace...

[kjs1989]

Wow, what a haunting dream, piecesofapart . I have had dreams, too, about unresolved conflict. It is so unsettling, and yes it stays with me for weeks.

[Guest nonesuch]

I suspect my husband cheated, and I have an idea who it may have been.  I was kind of puzzled after his memorial service, about someone who didn't attend.  I've never confronted her.  From what I know of her, she may be the type to sort of compartmentalize a sexual relationship, and truly never intend to break up a marriage.  There would be no point in pursuing it.  It's my philosophy that there's no point in pursuing an answer when 1) the answer is 99% likely to make you unhappy and 2) there's nothing you can do to fix the situation. 

 

[Christopher]

My brother lived with me for several years while my wife was alive. She became hypersexual, keeping me in the bedroom 3x a day for a total of 4-6 hours and sometimes wanting it more than 3x a day. We had a policy of "If you want it, come get it. No is not an option when sex is concerned."

 

She cheated on me with my brother but I had no idea. I just let it go. It's something that can't be dealt with.

[Drafter]

Wow,

1st of all sorry to everyone that still dealing with this. I'm new to the forum and still trying to get use to being by myself. Reading through, I guess in a sense I had nothing to worry about... My biggest thing I've found out (which I suspected any way) is my better half did indeed have a Facebook account which I never really saw until after she passed. I only found out via her sister and a few of her friends. I never really looked (other than to notify her friends) to see if she had any secret liaisons.

I guess it really wouldn't matter at this point but I still miss her and would taker back in a heartbeat...

[soloact]

I never had any reason to doubt my husband. His best friend and wife invited me to Thanksgiving dinner three weeks after my husband died. Conversation was pleasant most of the visit. A dinner they tried to convince me that we wanted a loan. That was nuts in itself. They speculated he wanted money to give to another woman. I sat there wondering what kind of kooks would talk like this. They were unhappily married for decades each hoping to outlive the other. They finally divorced a several  years later.

 

The supercrazy part of this looney deal was that I was his 24 hour caregiver. If he had a woman I would have to transport him to her or open the door for her to visit here.  When he was healthier we were only apart when he golfed. If someone could lure him from the links I would have asked for her autograph!