Quixote Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Just need a place to vent: so my wife donated her body to a university medical department. No cremains, even, which I'm okay with. The university sent me a lovely letter and some wildflower seeds that I gave to her mother, who planted them in the garden behind my wife's childhood home. Locally, I paid for a tree to be planted at the church down the street, alongside a public walking path my wife loved. The gardeners were intermittent with their care, but the church always followed up on needed trimming. Anyway, life was life and I moved-- I came back to visit a couple of months ago and found the tree completely brown/dead and the memorial plaque missing. I talk to the church and they promise to replace the tree and plaque. Nearly two months later and a few unreturned phone calls, I get this: The Board of Trustees met with an Arborist at the tree-site, and after examining the tree and making a few incisions he determined that the tree was not in fact dead, but its poor appearance was probably due to the drought and lack of watering. He thinks that the recent rains may resuscitate it, but we have also been in contact with our landscapers to ensure it is being watered correctly and will monitor it in the future. In regards to the plaque, the Board of Trustees informed Alma that they no longer have a supplier and therefore will not be replacing it. They suggested you may purchase another plaque, if you would like, however the design would need to be approved by them before installation. Seriously, "poor appearance" is not a single green leaf or shoot on the entire tree. I'll be visiting it again in a couple of weeks (it's about three hours on the weekends) to see if it's improved at all. But honestly, I'm just sick about it. She doesn't have a grave, this is her only memorial. They were supposed to be taking care of it and are basically patting me on the head and saying "Oh well". I dunno. It's just a tree. I've a painting of it with our dog sitting next to it. I guess that's as good a memorial as the tree itself. But I don't actually feel that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newgirl Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I am so sorry to hear this. That is appalling. And isn't there a verse in the bible about caring for the widowed? This is the kind of stuff that turns people away from religion. The next time I am out on the trails, I will leave something in your wife's memory. It may only be a libation and a prayer, but I will do it with honor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marjoe Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I am so sorry. And I agree with NewGirl, I will do the same (on the beach) for your wife's memory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klim Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Not a pleasant situation, Hopefully the arbourist is right, but otherwise here's my advice... Hold tight the memory ,the personal momentos that you still keep ...let go the angst that this public memorial has caused...regroup and so forward. Another ( maybe weird) thought, if the tree is dead ask for the wood, burn it and keep those ashes as the tree was what you hoped would represent your wife after her passing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quixote Posted February 1, 2017 Author Share Posted February 1, 2017 Thank you guys. And I really appreciate the libations and prayers. Beaches and trails were two places she loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donswife Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I am so sorry this happened I will also do the same and think of your wife while walking in the woods today surrounded by snow covered trees ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 So sorry - that is so disrespectful of them, especially after the generosity. I have a bench and a plaque for my LH (only memorial as well) and I can see its wear and tear so feel I may have a few issues when this comes about. I also had to pay for the plaque (although he died in service) which I was ok with but they wouldn't let me choose the supplier or style I wanted...had to go with local that everyone else uses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julester3 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 That is a terrible disappointment! I hope the tree can be saved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canadiangirl Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Just seeing this. So sorry Quixote. I can kind of relate-- I arranged for a very small plaque to be placed at the pub where my husband was barkeep and I met him, and it is not there despite the promises, nor is his photo (that they asked for) on the wall. But I find your story more egregious and will also pay tribute to your wife on Sunday when I am in the snow-covered hills. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adley Posted February 4, 2017 Share Posted February 4, 2017 Same here Quixote. So sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trying2breathe Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Sorry Quixote, how disappointing and the response is appalling. I too hope that the tree can be revived. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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