High-stress jobs

[Monique]

I'm curious what others here do for a living and what your experiences were with going back to work. I'm a pastry chef at a hotel, and recently returned to work at about 10 weeks out.  I've been really struggling with the stressful environment in the kitchen and the physical demands after so many weeks away from work. Anyone have any advice?

[MissingSquish]

I worked at a pretty high stress job when I was first widowed. I went back to work after only 10 days off. Needless to say, I was at work part time for the remainder of the summer (I was widowed in late May).

 

At a year out, I travelled on a business trip to get advanced training in my career. It wa so helpful for me to learn something new and to be distracted for a bit. Hang in there. It's hard going back to work.

[Portside]

Anyone have any advice?

 

Yes - just jump back into it. You have to face it eventually, why not now? I went back full-time after 7-8 days off. I had to make arrangements to have the bus stop at the house for the kids (8 and 9) for the last weeks of school and find childcare for the summer first. I made a few changes at work too such as no more coast to coast travel.

 

My heart wasn't into it at first but folks made allowances for that - at least for me.

 

Good luck - Mike

[RemysWife]

I went back right away. I was on part time FMLA (meaning I was working remotely, when I could) for the last 6 weeks or so before he died, so  I didn't want to take additional time. The funeral was Friday, and I went back on Monday.

 

I'm in marketing, and it is a stressful, high-paced job. I made a lot of mistakes. I spent more time than I should have online. I sometimes don't know how I even made it through. But, at the same time, it was a life saver. It was familiar. I was surrounded by people who knew what happened. It kept me sane. 

 

Hang in there. It is hard, but you may find that the routine is exactly what you need. Good luck.

[MACC]

I took leave so I could work through things myself and be present for my kids that were 4 & 6 at the time. I also eventually switched jobs within same company. New job is less stress. Wish I would have made the move sooner. One thing I learned is life can be short. I'd rather be present for my kids and be with my family.  They are my priority.

 

[Guest TooSoon]

My husband was very sick the last two months of his life which coincided with the stressful end of my semester; he died a week into spring semester.  I took one week off and went back.  It kept me busy but I probably shouldn't have been in the classroom at all at that time and in truth, I don't remember much of it.  Being distracted allowed me to avoid dealing with some things head on, which I then, in turn, paid dearly for when everything came crashing down on me once summer break rolled around.  The following fall semester, when things got really stressful at work, I finally broke down and had to take a partial leave for the last four weeks of the semester.  Should I have taken a leave earlier?  Maybe but at the time I did what I thought I was supposed to do: soldier on.  Eventually, by the time a year had gone by and certainly by 18 months, I was handling it all better, though it was all so exhausting that I still don't have the energy or passion I had before....or maybe I am just getting old. 

[Needytoo]

I work at a college where I work full-time support and teach part time, I believe I returned seven days after my husband's passing. I have no idea how I made it to work each day. My anxiety for driving was through the roof.  I always complained that no one was there for us for support, which now I see was not true.  My coworkers and even my students helped me ever second. 

 

Monique I was introduced to Mindfulness early on. I will admit I was totally confused by all of it but one day doing yoga something clicked. Just a suggestion and hopefully your mind catches on to it quickly.

[MR]

I was away from work for 3-4 weeks due to her in ICU. Had the funeral and other rituals on Saturday and monday. Kids started uni and school from tuesday as it was new semester in Sep so decided to go back to work for some kind of distraction. Work allowed me to work from home if I want but i decided to go to work on alternate days so that I can observe myself and see where I feel more comfortable. As I was away for 4 weeks work piled up considering I am the only one supporting my system but that helped as the day passed by easily and within a week not much work left. Take it easy as much as possible, most of the people around us understand and give us some kind of break.

Hugs

Manoj

[Guest oneoftwo]

I think all of a sudden any of our jobs becomes high stress, once you realize you're "it".

You are the sole bread winner for yourself and kids (if there are some).

 

We were on a family vacation when we lost my husband. My kids had about a week, and then went to school. I got them in contact and they each spent time with one friend, so they would know some one at school 'knew'. Plus called and spoke with the principals and counselors. I was more worried about them than me

 

I got 3 days bereavement leave. I dont know how much more time I took unpaid, weeks? months? it was bad. And when I started back, which now that I think was after a month, it was part time (vs my prior full time). It was the most I could do. I took advantage of my company offering work from home.

take advantage of what you can, speak with your boss or HR (but dont let them push you into anything, my boss wanted me to travel cross country very early "Oh it might be good for you"- umm, no who will stay with my kids?).

If you must work your prior hours/with so much effort, try to find/make time outside of work where you dont have to try so hard.

[Monique]

Thanks for the input, everyone. A few more details...

 

Part of my problem is that I don't feel like anyone is making any allowances. And it is a demanding job, so I feel it's probably unreasonable of me to expect them to. But I'm in way over my head and can't handle the workload at all. I really should NOT be working yet, and I'm regretting the decision to commit to this job. I really like all the people I work for, and I hate the thought of disappointing them, but I feel like I'm going to either way. I don't want to leave and force them to find someone who can fill my position (not to mention probably burning a bridge at the best job I ever had), but I'm certainly not a good employee right now as it is, so I don't know what to do.

 

Oh, and I don't have kids (since some people mentioned that aspect). It does make it easier that I don't have to worry about supporting anyone but myself. But it also probably takes away some of the motivation. My main motivation right now is really the desire NOT to let down my boss and coworkers.

[RemysWife]

Eventually, by the time a year had gone by and certainly by 18 months, I was handling it all better, though it was all so exhausting that I still don't have the energy or passion I had before....or maybe I am just getting old.

 

I seriously wonder all of the time how much of my exhaustion is from losing him and how much is from being 5 years older.

[MACC]

We all manage in our own ways and we all have our different circumstances. Unfortunately we all have felt the pain of losing someone we loved too soon. There is no shame in needing and taking time for yourself. One thing I wish I learned earlier was not to rush to make big, important or potentially life altering decisions in my 1st year. Sometimes it can't be avoided but if it can, give it time. Whatever you decide I hope it is based on what you need to get through this, not what you think other people need from you. If your co- workers/boss care about you as much as you care about them they will be understanding of your needs.

[jgib]

My job wasn't really stressful but it was emotionally demanding.  I was an education aide to special needs children.  Mainly my work was with teenage boys with severe behaviour disorders.

I was lucky to get disability leave for  6 months and after that I knew there was no way, so I gave up my position.  Worked part time at a menial job where I didn't have to think or feel to much.  After that I moved and got a part time grounds keeping position so I worked outside......helped a lot for me....

Added a part time retail job to this a few months later.  Learned to be reliable and productive all over.

I was in a total fog for 2 years!  At the 3 year anniversary, to the month, I started working with kids again.  It was 6 months ago and it feels good to be back.  Not in a school and not full time, but back.  On demanding days I know I could not have done it sooner.

[Adley]

I had to leave work months before it happened, because we went to Boston for treatment. I had been a bomb tech for years, company to company, place to place, but for the past five we'd been very fortunate and I was able to work close to home- gone only three nights a week, not bad at all for the industry. After Jessica died, I came back home with our three kids and couldn't think about going back to work. Actually work wouldn't have been so bad but the idea of leaving them at a daycare in a strange place. . . . noooo way. So I kept in the field just enough to stay current. Farmed and shoed horses for three years, jobs I could do with them.  And now I'm finally back. The kids are old enough to travel now. They know who they are. Who we are. I guess I'll raise them like military kids for a while, new towns, new schools, and daycares.  I don't think they even know any kids who go to daycares. There just aren't any around.  I love the work, but the most intimidating thing is juggling the kids. New schools, forms to fill out, and the endless repetition of a sad story we all partly share. . . .

    I couldn't even consider coming back to work till now. Just worked with the kids.  And did with almost no money. But I must admit I'm happy about it now.  My girls both just got awards for top of the class, we've got a Spelling Bee winner, they're healthy as horses. And now we're ready to go on an adventure. We'll be in New Mexico for a while, got the school and apartment and daycare all in close proximity to work.

      But when it comes down to it, I don't know how you all did it. Much respect to all of you. I could not go back quickly. Maybe I should have, but I just plain couldn't.

 

p.s. And glad to be back in a town with internet! So glad to read all of your posts again! Thank y'all for being here  : )