It can't just be me!

[Sandi1970]

How many times have you wanted to start a topic that was really on your mind or answer to another post and you wrote it all out and never posted it, freaked out and deleted it or went back and edited it?

For me I think it's more times then I actually really answered/posted. Sometimes it just felt good to get it written out, then I'd cut and paste it to an email to myself for another day...( I've never went back and read them!) Sometimes I'd get replies and feel so bad or embarrassed. When going through the old ones from ywbb, I felt so sorry for myself, I had to stop.

Oh well, I am posting this one! You can just "like" mine if it sounds similar to you. Thanks!  :-\

[mokie]

Oh goodness yes!  I do this on Facebook a lot.  Type out a status, then delete it before I post it.  You're right... Sometimes you just need to "say" it, and then you feel better and don't need to hear what anyone else thinks.

[Sandi1970]

I didn't even think of FB but you're right! Crazy!

 

[WifeLess]

Sandi,

 

I have a collection of old posts that I wrote for YWBB but never actually posted. Since most were intended to be responses to things I read there that upset me, it's just as well that I didn't post any of them. It would not have been pleasant.

 

--- WifeLess

[Sandi1970]

Wifeless,

 

You can really put meaning into words, so I am very certain they would spark emotion and deep thought. Mostly that's what all these "unposted words" I am referring to are such the same, something really deep and heart felt to me. The deep, deep stuff with so much meaning yet I delete it or cut it & mail to myself, which might as well be deleted. Equal to getting the emotion out by writing I play A LOT of music, I guess I always have but it brings so much new meaning now. The one artist that I picture myself as but with different lyrics is Alanis Morissette, screaming the painful words of life after the death of not only your best friend and spouse but myself as half of me is gone forever.

[Carey]

When Chad first died, I posted LONG rambling things on facebook. I had things I felt I needed to say and then people (mostly my own family) told me I needed to stop. Which I never fully understood.  My sister even bought me a journal and said to put "all that stuff" there.  I have always been a writer, but mostly a letter writer. For some reason, I feel like I need an audience.  I've maybe filled 2 pages of that journal.  I felt like she silenced my voice.  You need your "people" when you are facing something like this.  People always say let me know if you need help, let me know if there's anything I can do. And then turn around and say, ok that's enough shut up lol. IDK.  So I do post a lot of stuff here, validation is a strong thing.  We're your peers, a unique group of people that you know for sure DO GET IT.  Safe place to say any and all things for the most part, but yes I do still find myself typing things out and then just erasing it. Even though I know darn well no one here would judge or make fun sometimes I just feel too ridiculous for my own self.  but you're right, sometimes it just has to come out and the audience doesn't matter so much, and when you're done with the writing, you've gotten what you need so delete away

[MrsT85]

.  You need your "people" when you are facing something like this.  People always say let me know if you need help, let me know if there's anything I can do. And then turn around and say, ok that's enough shut up lol. IDK.  So I do post a lot of stuff here, validation is a strong thing.  We're your peers, a unique group of people that you know for sure DO GET IT.  Safe place to say any and all things for the most part...

 

Yes, exactly this!  I've already lost someone who I thought was a dear friend because my desire to do pretty much nothing but talk about Tim and cry for the first year or so wore him out and drove him away.  I've not had any of my other few, close friends abandon me the same way, but I can definitely sense their fatigue quickly set in when I talk about Tim and my grief.  There's a moment of quiet nervousness and then they quickly change the subject.  I guess for the most part, everyone else has moved on.

 

But for me, no matter what else I do with my life, there's no "getting over" this loss.  Being in a new relationship hasn't "fixed" me.  I don't live in my grief full-time anymore, but I still have many intense moments of anger and sadness.  Not only do you all "get it", but like Carey said above, you make me feel sane and validated.  Which I'm so so very grateful for.

[luvmy2babies]

Yes, especially if one of the following was possible

 

I?d hijack an existing thread

I?d get my thoughts analyzed when I only wanted to vent

I?d get advice I wasn?t looking for when I only wanted to vent

I?d say something I didn?t want in public that could have backlash if someone I know happened upon it (on ywbb)

I?d get an opposing view when I?m in no mood for anything but validation no matter what I?m writing

 

I do it on facebook too because I decide I?m not in the mood for everyone to tell me how strong I am.

 

[kjs1989]

MrsTim, yes, amazing how people think we have "moved on" because we have someone special in our lives. No, I am not "all better" or over my loss. I am moving forward, surviving, and living life. I get so tired of the assumptions people make about me or the widowed in general. Sometimes I hear these assumptions directly, and other times through the grape vine. My SIL called my sister to tattle that I was dating at the six month point and to prompt a discussion of how that should be dealt with. There was the lady at my dad's funeral  a year ago who came up to me as I was standing with my guy friend and said, "Oh, You have a new one!!"  Then there was my brother who questioned why I felt the need to date within the first year. Now that I am past two years, he asks why I haven't moved on and thrown all my husband's stuff away.

 

Yep, this stuff sucks and though I do have some friends who truly do seem to get it, I would say many more really don't, so I am thankful this  place is here. I don't always post, but it is a great release to just read, relate, and take in how others are coping.

[lcoxwell]

It is not just you. I often delete things, too, which may surprise some of you, given how often I post and how much I "say". Being a short, petite woman, my mother always teased me that all my size went to my mouth; or, in this case, my typing fingers.  ;D

 

Sometimes, I delete, because I feel I have already made more than my share of posts for the day, or because I don't want to hijack the thread. Sometimes, I can truly relate, but realize in sharing how I am able to relate, I have actually turned the response into something more about me and my experience than to show support to someone else. Sometimes, I just get tired of seeing my name pop up everywhere. Then sometimes, I have shared something deeply personal, and realize that maybe, due to my emotional connection, I didn't quite word things the way I should have.

[Virgo]

I usually backspace when I think I'm posting something to revealing, to forward, or possibly uninteresting. We should always post what is on our minds because I'm sure another wid is feeling the same way or thinking the same thoughts. Sometimes validation for how we're feeling or thinking is just what we need.

[BrokenHeart2]

Sometimes I find myself smiling because it happened Virgo

And yes. Putting our hard hurtful thoughts out there help sometimes. Feeling vulnerable is scarey too though.