House - Downsize or Stay Put?

[DansSoulmate]

Hi, lately I have been feeling outrageously overwhelmed with the upkeep and maintenance of this house as well as property to the point that I am losing sleep over it.  So I have started to build a list of pros and cons on whether I stay here or not.  I know it's early (7 months) but I barely made it through the fall with millions (it seemed) of leaves everywhere, a frozen well and then winter with the snow/ice basically preventing me from reaching the main road.  Now it's a roof and gutter replacement and an enormous amount of mowing which Dan did several times a week.  I am realistic in that I just can't keep this up by myself and am hiring out as much as I can but that's expensive so not a long-term solution.  This property and house were Dan's dream but it has truly become my nightmare.  So, I wanted to ask the community, if you downsized, how did you make that decision and are you happy you did? 

[Momtojandj]

I wanted to say, I feel your pain. Houses are never ending it seems. My husband used to do it all, and with him gone either I hire or my boys and I jump in and try to fix etc.  I do want to say , I'm waiting till my kids are out of hs , and then im moving and downsizing. I wish you luck in your decision.

[BrokenHeart2]

I am rural and seriously thinking of downsizing. It was 'our' dream. And he's not here with me anymore. It's all changed so much and I feel like it's time for another change. I love it here but not by myself. It's so different now. We built this house together so I was just as invested as he was. Ours, I'm different now whether I like it or not.  Yeah that makes me sad too. A girls gotta do what she's gotta do.

Hugs.

[HvnBound]

I am downsizing and it is almost three years for me. I am hoping for a decent offer tomorrow, if it is at least $50K then I will sign and sell my home. This place is just too doggone big for me and I am tired of paying over $150/month on gas & electricity, sometimes this winter the bill was over $240, too much for just me.

[Trying]

I need to downsize as well but am over a year away from being ready to.  My plan is to wait until middle son graduates next year to start the process but I do keep an eye on local real estate listings because if the perfect house presented itself I might do it sooner.

 

DH and I built this house together 15 years ago and planned every detail together. MIT will be hard to leave it but financially it is way too much and upkeep is way too much.  I have such guilt that I can't keep it up to DHs standards but it was a lot when there was 2 of us and DH was very handy.  Even things I can hire out for I run into a problem because I can't be home to over see workers or even to get estimates for jobs.  DH could work from the house when we needed to have any work done. 

 

I know any house will require upkeep but smaller is better and not having a pool would be a huge help!

 

Good luck with your decision DansSoulmate, it's not an easy one to make but losing sleep and feeling overwhelmed is no way to live. 

[MrsMisterman]

Hi, I could have written your post.

 

The house overwhelms me, sometimes terrifies me. But it also gives me a lot of comfort. Lots of beautiful memories and constant, daily reminders of just how happy we were here. How much I was loved and loved in return.

 

I'm not ready to let it go.  I still need it.  But it is getting to be too much. I have a pretty extensive skill set; but it does not include the use of tools, outdoor work besides planting flowers and vegetables, or heavy labor. Inside our home, me and hubby had a very traditional 50's marriage. It worked so well for us.

 

Hiring out is so expensive. This winter tapped out household account between using an obscene amount of heating oil and large plow bills. Also an unexpected huge dental bill. I know if I get to the point I'm dipping into savings or retirement to run the house, it will be time to let it go.

 

The only good thing coming from it is it forced me to reach out. Ask for help and favors. Completely new to me and outside my wheelhouse. New skill. And probably more useful in the long run than learning to run a chainsaw or change a faucet.

 

Good luck.  Whatever decision YOU make will be right one for you.

 

 

 

 

[Carey]

I was forced to move rather quickly.  Downsized and moved right at 2 months out.  I definitely would not recommend that for sure.  In some ways a fresh start in a smaller place has been nice and not having reminders in every room is more helpful than I thought it would be. I miss our home but it was just completely out of my league , I couldn't have stayed not even another month.

[Sugarbell]

I think if totally depends on your family situation. If it would've been just me-I would've downsized in a heartbeat.

 

I had my house on the market my first year. Too much house and yard and people would tell me with 3 little ones it was too much. At that time we never used the downstairs-all of us were on one floor.

 

Except I had one friend...who had teenagers at the time telling me not to downsize....she said "When the kids are older you will need the space...if you downsize to a one floor one bath ranch you will be tripping over each other in a few years.

 

Glad I listened. It's a lot of work...but my son now helps with outside yard work. For me it would've been a disaster to downsize and now the house will be paid off in 3 more years (but my mortgage has killed me over the years-but I think it's worth it)

 

[robunknown]

About 7 months out now. The dumpster is at my house and I am filling it. The house should go on the market next month. We bought it knowing my DW would have to pick up the slack for when the school's education rating dropped off in middle school and high school. We bought it thinking there would be 4 or more of us there eventually. We bought it thinking we would have two people's income supporting it.

 

Those assumptions have changed. My main concern is my son and we will be moving to a better town for their school for the next school year. Because I can't pick up the educational slack at school as he gets older, we will have to move in the next few years anyway. I figure sooner is better than later for him. We will be renting to offset the work of a house.

 

I knew this was the reality over 6 years ago when my wife was diagnosed, but she held out hope that I would do everything to keep the house, which I knew wasn't going to be the plan, but I never said anything to her. Why burst her bubble and make her worry. But in the last few months, she told me that I needed to do whatever is right in regard to keeping the house. I acknowledged and didn't bring it into further discussion, but I was absolutely relieved, and I still am.

 

You gotta do what you gotta do.

 

[Helen]

This really resonated with me too. At 3 years out now I need and crave change but am also terrified by it.

 

After there being 7 of us in this home it is now just me and child #5 and this autumn she will be gone too. For the 1st time in my life I will be living alone. That scares me some, but the real issue is all the work looking after a house and garden alone, some days the responsibility overwhelms me.

 

My plan is to apply for new jobs and see what comes up, but which regions or countries to apply in is a dilemma, then to move near the new job. I do know I am fed up waiting for change to need to make it happen, but only just staying afloat currently.

[gracelet]

I am still in a battle with the in laws over half of the house (gay, blah, blah, I killed her, my fault, idiots, lah lah lah) but hopefully we will settle soon. I am contemplating moving. I don't need this much space and the property has gone up a lot in value so sensible me wants to realise that investment and move up a rung. That was the plan for me and Elle at the time she died.

 

Another part of me can't figure out which area I'd move to. The transport links where I am are fantastic, so are the amenities, I have the Olympic Park nextdoor. It's hard to beat. Then I wonder if actually I'm just using that as an excuse not to move when in reality, I'm not ready to let go of the memories. I have redecorated a bit though so the house is more me.

 

Ah, I dunno. Living alone is hard though, but what I need. Blogged about it last night if anyone wants to take a look.

[Guest IronBear]

Always downsize if you are able. Life is too short to be a slave to a piece of land.

[Justin]

Always downsize if you are able. Life is too short to be a slave to a piece of land.

 

This is my way of thinking, nowadays. I can't even adequately take care of my interior floors, much less a yard, gutters, trimming trees, etc.

[DansSoulmate]

Thanks so much for the great input and it's wonderful to know I'm not alone in this crazy world I find myself in having to make huge decisions like this basically by myself.  As someone said, this house truly terrifies me.  So, next week I'm having a real estate agent come out to start the process of listing it as I have finally decided I can't maintain this by myself.  Like others, I'm not good at asking for favors or help, can be very impatient and it seems like I'm at the mercy of everyone, rather than having someone to "nag".    Yes I do feel like I'm giving up a little and may not necessarily feel his presence where ever I end up but from a practical perspective the market is descent, the house is in good shape (except for a few items I'm addressing in the next couple weeks) and I need to be in town not out here in the middle of no where.  It's a frustrating place to be because I begged him to list it several years ago (almost signed a contract to list) because I had a strong feeling it would become too much for us.  But he absolutely couldn't part with it then so he has left it up to me, I guess.  My plan is to list it for 90 days to start and see what happens.  Plan B is to rent it out or at least rent a room.  There isn't a day that goes by, though, that I don't wish for my old life back..ya know..the one where I'm sitting here in front of this screen planning our next trip while drinking a glass of wine  :'(

[Guest Questions]

I think you made the right decision to go with your gut.

If the upkeep on the house has become overwhelming & you feel too isolated where you're at, those are all good reasons to move. You've got to tailor your lifestyle to what works best for you now. Sounds like you know what that is..

 

I bought a house alone for cash & moved 200 miles at 3 years out.

It was quite the learning experience because I'd never bought a house (been a renter all my life) nor had I ever moved alone. It wasn't an easy transition for me but necessary & I'm glad I did it.

I bought a fixer that had termites, needed reroofing, HVAC work, etc. but I got through it all & am quite happy in my new place. It's the perfect size for me, is in a safe, quiet neighborhood close to ammenities & I like the security & permanence of owning a home as I plan to stay put now..

 

Congrats on your decision & best wishes

(((hugs)))