Griefquakes

[Jen]

Do these strike you? You're going along, you're more or less okay, then something happens-- nothing of any consequence, something stupid like a post on Facebook or an innocent remark from somebody-- and suddenly you're immersed in acute grief. You can't really even point to a cause, a trigger-- you just hurt. It's like having a bucket of ice water dumped on you-- your lungs compress, you can't draw a full breath. The lump of lead where your heart used to be suddenly turns molten, and pain sears through you like lava. You want to scream, but you can't make a sound because you can't get any oxygen. Then the tears start, spilling down your face, burning your eyes and leaving hot salt tracks. When you finally do manage to breathe, you burst into loud, unlovely sobs-- the kind that leave you as wrung out as a wet dishcloth when they finally subside. The kind that can only come from a heart that is well and truly-- and possibly permanently-- shattered.

 

They don't last long, these griefquakes. The fault shifts and closes before very long, which is a mercy. You're left wiping your eyes and wondering what in hell happened-- part of you is glad no one witnessed your breakdown, but the rest of you wishes desperately that there was someone to hold you and tell you everything will be all right. When there is no such person, you pick yourself up and out yourself together the best you can-- you take some deep breaths, you wash your face, and you go back to whatever it was you were doing before the quake hit, mask firmly in place.

 

So off I go now...

[jlp]

Oh, Jen.  Yes, yes, yes, yes and YES!  They probably happen a couple of times a week -- usually I can identify a trigger, something small.  At least I've mostly avoided those in public.

 

My favorite is those gasping, gut-wrenching sobs which I never before experienced in my life.  And mostly, it leaves as quickly as it comes.

 

I've always called them "grief attacks" but "griefquakes" is so much more descriptive.

 

Sometimes I wish there really were a "widow island" where we could all physically be together.  But in the meantime ..

 

(((hugs)))

 

[Virgo]

Yes! I think when there's not an apparent trigger it's from their absence and our loniliness.

[Needytoo]

Had two of them today. They can attack me anywhere but I am especially not fond of the ones that hit me when I am driving. 

[Wheelerswife]

I seem to get all kinds of posts on Facebook, sometimes posted by widows, that just don't ring true at all.  Sometimes they set me back a bit.

 

Today's little tidbit (not from a widow):  "Sometimes you just have to stop worrying, wondering and doubting.  Have faith that things will work out - maybe not how you planned, but just how they are meant to be."

 

Ummm...Nope. 

 

I've got pretty thick skin and somehow I've managed to figure out how to live with loss one and I'm bound and determined to figure it out again.  But...to say that this is how it was meant to be?  I don't think so.  I guess I look at life through a very different lens than some people.

 

Maureen

 

 

 

[gracelet]

Heck yes. Widow bestie and i call them griefblasts because of the suddenness and how they can be over pretty quickly. Doesn't diminish the hurt though, or the puffiness around my eyes.

[mikeeh]

Excellent description of the sneak attacks that our widow brains launch on us when we let our guard down Just Jen.

 

It may not result in a torrent of tears but the gaping maw of emptiness vastly expands inside me and takes over what little I have left inside me.  It isn't even a trigger event sometimes as much as the perverse wandering of our my mind and thoughts. 

 

I was walking the dog tonight thinking about getting home and making dinner.  Also thinking about the 2 new shirts I have in the bag that I have to iron before I can wear them to work  I have had them for 2 weeks but with fighting off a cold last weekend I didn't feel like ironing last weekend.  Not a natural thing for me to do.  That's when the mind wanders to when I would have her to iron my new shirts, or make dinner or both.  The days when I had her to help me pick out new shirts and help me pick the right size.  Not to mention help me with some soup or something when I had a cold. 

 

Maybe mine wasn't one of your griefquakes as much as a grief eclipse.

 

I hope yours pass quickly Jen, and you are able to get your normal mask back on when you feel like wearing it again

[Jen]

I hate that you all know exactly what I'm talking about, but I'm so grateful you're here listen. Hoping the quakes decrease and get less intense over time... (((((HUGS)))))

[Jen]

Hoping the quakes decrease and get less intense over time... (((((HUGS)))))

 

 

...terrified today that there's no hope of this, either.

[Baylee627]

Yes, and that's an especially apt term for this--griefquakes. They occur randomly, strike suddenly, and make me tremulous and will have me heaving sobs and streaming tears.

 

And feeling utterly desperate.

 

Baylee