Doing Things In Your Spouse's Memory?

[the_master]

Have you done anything in your spouse's memory? Something you wouldn't have normally done?

 

I've been writing to her, almost daily, on Facebook & the blog.

 

A friend suggested "Adopt-A-Highway." I signed up for that and will be doing it, Saturday.

 

You clean up a 2 mile stretch of road and they put up a sign. Mine will be in her memory...

 

I know she would laugh her ass off, if she could see me doing this. She hated litterbugs and would bitch at me for throwing a can out the window. Now, I am picking up other people's litter.

[Jess]

My husband was really into the value of therapy dogs for emotional support. He and I worked at the same place, but with very different job functions. His work took quite an emotional toll so he used to say "If I can get our company to have a therapy dog, I can leave my job happy."

 

In the days after he passed, HR called me to touch base and it popped into my head that he would keep saying that so when they said "Please let us know if there is anything we can do" I answered "Well, yes, actually there is something." and talked their ears off about getting a therapy dog for employees. About a month later, I got a picture of an adorable dog and was asked for my opinion about him joining our staff. He was indeed "hired on" and he stops by my desk every other Tuesday to say hello. The dog's therapist handler and I have a pretty good bond.

[Guest sphoc]

I did the AFSP Out of the Darkness walk in Atlanta last year in DH's memory. He probably would have thought it hokey, but it made me feel better to do something.

[the_master]

For some reason, I feel that I have to do everything I can think of, to honor her memory...

 

I know she would say "You don't have to do that, honey."

 

But yes... I DO.

[midnight_man]

I've been recording some songs and have asked friends to contribute some of their own towards making a little EP that we're going to release for charity, hopefully next month. I think she would have liked that. It's kept me busy over the last couple of months too.

[Mac]

Two months after she passed. I went and climbed Mt. Fuji and watched the sunrise in her honor.

 

 

 

I've made several different slideshows to honor and remember her. Almost time for another one.

 

Many times when drinking sake, I will pour one for her and place her photo next to it. I'll use my phone for the photo, if I'm at a restaurant.

[Wheelerswife]

I really haven't had to do anything in my husband's memory, because the university has done so many things.  There is a scholarship in his name, a tree dedicated to him, a new faculty award named after him and an entire day dedicated to research - that has his name emblazoned on it.  That day...was today.  His name is all over campus on posters and bulletin boards, on signs and even on adhesive posters on the floors of academic buildings.  If you didn't know that today was John H*******s Scholarly and Creative Activities Day, you didn't have your eyes open.  I'm so pleased that the university recognizes the contribution he made to this school...but at the same time, each different activity or award is such an emotional trigger.

 

My mind doesn't know which person to grieve today...DH1, DH2 or FIL1.  It's all been dredged up. 

 

Maureen

[Jen]

((((((MAUREEN)))))))

[donswife]

Don was a huge Fly fisherman and tied flys , the last couple of years he volunteered at at a place

that help Veterans with PTSD

His coworkers and family and friends have sold decals in his Honor to raise Money to have a plaque made in Dons honor that will be given to mentor of the year for the next ten years , Pretty proud of that

[Callobg]

In the Air Force,  I'm a communications computer systems operator but I just signed up to start nursing education classes this summer...before my wife got her angel wings she was accepted into the nursing program. My new goal and motivation in life is to complete her dream of being a nurse.

 

I love you LSC.

Forever and always, your husband.

[Mr C]

I love reading the various ways that all of you have been able to honor your spouse?s memory.

 

Cesily was a wonderfully kind and sharing woman who touched many people in her short time here. One of her accomplishments, as a parent educator, was to start a program to teach parenting skills to young moms at a couple women?s shelters. It was good to see the college she worked at create a scholarship for the program in her name.

 

From day one, I wanted to do something that would continue to share my wife with this world. When I was invited to give the survivor?s speech at the American Heart Association?s Go Red for Women luncheon in Seattle--less than five weeks out--I realized the opportunity to carry on Cesily's legacy of advocating for women?s heart health awareness. The speech itself was outside of my comfort zone. However, the overall process was cathartic and made me want to do more. In the year since, I have been working towards producing a podcast on women?s heart health. It has taken a lot of baby steps and being gentle with myself to get here. Five episodes have been recorded so far and the show will be ready to launch in a couple weeks.

 

[Mizpah]

It wasn't until I sat down just now to respond that I realized how many things I did/do/have done in tribute to him.  From the miniscule (like saying "strong but good" after the first bubbly sip of really bubbly seltzer) to the big stuff. 

 

Here are some of the things:

 

- I "bought" a bench in the park where we used to go running and have picnics and read and stroll at night, on the East River in Manhattan.  The donation goes to the upkeep of the park, and they put a permanent plate on it.  It says, "Our love is here to stay" (a Frank Sinatra quote - we used to dance to the song in our kitchen while cooking), has his name and birth and death year, and then says, "my husband my heart my king my soul, i'm forever your rachel."

 

- I bought a locket and have his photo in it, and put my wedding band on the chain too.  There's also a "charm" that's a book sort of stamp "S" that I sometimes take off of it.

 

- I planted a garden in my parents' backyard, in the shape of a heart, with plants with meaning (dogwood bc he loved dogs, a magnolia bc we met in the springtime and ran in the park where there were tons of flowering trees, a flower called heaven's gate, lots of fruit shrubs bc he loved to eat, etc., etc.), and put a bench in it that has his name and "in our hearts forever," which is what we always say to each other about each other in my family.

 

- I learned Hebrew (his native language).

 

- I had two trees planted in Israel, one for him and one for me.

 

- I have a dinner each year on his birthday, where we toast to him and share memories and stories.

 

- I send his mother flowers on her birthdays. 

 

- My daughter's Hebrew name is a very indirect, needs-to-be-decoded reference to his name/him. 

[the_master]

Well, we did the cleanup. Surprisingly, the sign was already put up. It was nice to see, although it made me cry... Then, yesterday we went to her favorite places to celebrate her birthday. Very emotional weekend.

[Justin]

Well, we did the cleanup. Surprisingly, the sign was already put up. It was nice to see, although it made me cry... Then, yesterday we went to her favorite places to celebrate her birthday. Very emotional weekend.

 

I think this is an excellent way to honor your wife, and I was glad to read that the sign was already up. Remember to be gentle with yourself and take it easy for a few days, now.

[lcoxwell]

My daughter was married, about 8 months after my Kenneth died. She wanted to have a way to remember him and have him be a part of her wedding, so she took her favorite picture of him and a "memory box" with a dried flower from his funeral and placed them on a small table at the front of the church. Then, she walked herself down the aisle, carrying both her bouquet and his boutonniere. Before joining her husband-to-be at the altar, she stopped to place the boutonniere inside the memory box and closed the box. It was just a brief moment of observance, but it was absolutely lovely.

 

After the wedding, we took the picture and placed it on the table next to where I was sitting at the reception. We made sure there were a couple of pictures taken, of the table, the memory box, and Kenneth's picture, so that there would be a record that he was there at the wedding, and that he was remembered.

[Guaruj]

Have you done anything in your spouse's memory? Something you wouldn't have normally done?

 

Catherine and I met as members of a local inline skating club.  She volunteered for an entry-level bike path event, and I organized a more advanced event on city streets.  We married about 10 years ago.  She stopped skating after her first cancer surgery.  She passed away nearly 11 months ago.

 

I was having lunch with a friend sometime back in February.  He mentioned that the club needed new members, and that Catherine's event disappeared a few years ago for lack of volunteer support.  He really wanted to get the bike path up an running again to get new members into the club.

 

I volunteered then and there to host Catherine's old event, and I've been doing that for a month now.  It's not at all challenging for me, but I'm glad to do it in her memory.  Many other club members, who attended both our wedding and her funeral, recognize why I'm doing this without explanation.  It makes me happy when they show up and share stories about Catherine.

 

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[Virgo]

I donated whole blood for the first time on his birthday. He received a lot of blood and platelets during his treatments and I promised him that I would donate because he wouldn't be able to. I plan on donating a few more times this year, including platelets.

 

There is a plaque in front of the police department honoring him and his years of service.

[Dahlia]

I just signed up to support a local foundation that will guarantee all children in my town have the financial ability to attend higher education. I am going to create a scholarship in Scott's name. Scott loved learning and enjoyed himself immensely whether it was traffic school or grad school. He also believed all children, regardless of their family's finances, should have the opportunity to go to college. I am excited about creating something like that for him. It means I can't afford a little teardrop trailer this year, but whatever. I'm just so excited about doing this for him.

[calimom]

Dahlia, that is so beautiful.  What a wonderful tribute to your Scott, and his memory, and to your life together.