Happy Mothers Day to me. Not.

[Carey]

So on this lovely tropical stormy mothers day, I wake up to nothing to drink in the house.  One of the boys was going to go to the store for me so I went in my purse to get the money.  I had $55 to my name to last until Friday morning, as of yesterday. I got my wallet out and two twenties and a five are missing.  Jacob says he saw Katie go in my purse twice yesterday, but of course what teenager is going to say "yes I did it" when confronted with something like that? So now everyone is screaming and crying, I have no clue how I'm going to make it on $13 until friday morning and this so called holiday is effectively ruined before it even starts.  I just want to scream.  They steal from me all the time now, or so it seems.  Money turns up missing a lot, and they NEVER did stuff like this before he died.  Of course back then they pretty much had everything they needed and most things they wanted. Now it's a struggle for just about anything so they steal. Not realizing the consequences.  I'm truly at the end of my rope and pissed off that this is how my kids are turning out.  I'm obviously failing as their mom because I can't do everything I need to for them either physical, monetarily or emotionally because I can't get my own shit together. I'm just at a loss.  So far this weekend we've had a power outage that messed up the AC unit and the sunroof is leaking on my truck, so it's raining INSIDE the vehicle ... and lets not forget the tropical storm that is going to pass right through here today and tomorrow.  Can I be done now?  I really really really just want to be done and gone. I'm not serving any useful purpose here or doing anyone any favors by screwing up life so bad. 

[Callobg]

Child please, you better stop that kind of talk! You can and you will make it through this. This is a set up for something special. I speak that over you and your family. Keep your head up and keep moving. Do you have some plastic that you could use to cover the sunroof?

 

Happy Mother's Day to you.

[retiredminer]

Hi I really feel for you, it sad that you have to hid your valuables. It's really sad that they feel entitled and more important than the rest. There are several options for you but that's best left to you to decide.  I'm more troubled by what I perceive to be almost be a death wish on your part. Please try to change that line of thinking, I'm sure that with some help you can work things out. there can be better days ahead if you really want it . I would think the first step is to stop being a door mat to those two( easier said than done). Seek help from friends and family and hopefully you'll be able to come up with a plan. In closing try as hard as it is to think of happier times and try to be positive, remember if you don't take care of yourself no one else can.

[PhotoJunkie]

Carey Im sending you lots of hugs.  I feel your frustration and know it well as my daughter was acting the same not that long ago.  Im so sorry that your kids are disrespectful and continue to hurt you to make themselves feel better.  Kids are selfish creatures a lot of the time and don't realize they are hurting their parents.  As much as I hate to recommend this, you need to get a deadbolt for your door and put everything in there and keep it locked.  Its a sucky way to live as i have lived it, but if it keeps you from having your money stolen so that you can pay your bills and get groceries, then you have to do it.  This is not how parents should have to live with their children but sometimes its what is necessary for the short term  (feel free to pm me if you want more info)

 

I go through days where Im convinced (and really still am) that I could disappear off the planet and nobody would even notice.  Its a hard concept to battle when your fighting with grief and stress etc.  I am so very sorry you find your self in this dark place.  just know you are not alone there.  There are plenty of us down there in the dark with you.  We just need some flashlights to find each other (corny I know but its what I have at the moment)

 

 

[Baylee627]

Pardon this brief interruption:

 

This topic was moved from General Discussions to this section, as the topic pertains to being a parent/children. A poster noted to me that Mother's Day can be a sensitive subject to those wids without children (whom were hoping to have been parents).

 

I concur. This is a great thread, and is a good fit for this section:)

 

By all means, carry on!

 

Baylee

[ieh21]

wow that sounds awful. Too much for one person, for sure. I could totally see why you'd feel overwhelmed. Focus on a few minutes at a time. There's no need to fear for how your children are turning out, because your children haven't turned out permanently into anything. You aren't in a situation that is permanent, just like the incoming storm, your life is temporary from the perspective a lifetime.

 

the AC will be fixed, the storm's damage will be fixed. Your children will return to their true nature.

 

However, some of these things will require more effort than others. Your children are taking advantage of a situation and perhaps you need to intervene one step more than yelling at them. I don't know what you do, I don't know anything, but I remember a bunch of tips given on YWBB for out of control children: removal of doors until behaviour changed, removal of objects from their room to be gained after they changed their tune. Someone had even had the courage to call the police in a particularly difficult situation. There are things you can do. You can take control of that, even if the rest of your shit isn't together. Your life being in shambles doesn't allow anyone to take advantage of you.

 

Good luck. You can do this.

[Nuggets]

Lock up your money.  Your purse is no different than your room or your pockets - they should not be entering without your permission. 

 

If you suspect your children have stolen from you, make them turn out their pockets... or give 15 minutes for the money to be returned.

 

This is dangerous behaviour now, and in the future will get them in trouble with the law at worst, or get their lights punched out for them at the least -- mom may scream at them, but someone else might slap the living shit outta them - or worse.

[Trying]

Carey from everything you have shared with us your family has gone through a dramatic change in financial stability since DHs death.  Your children, like you, are probably scared and understandably upset by this on top of losing their dad.  While their behavior is understandable given the circumstances it is absolutely NOT excusable and needs to be dealt with swiftly and firmly.  Lock up your purse and any valuables and explain to them what a breach of trust this has been while acknowledging that desperate times can lead people to make very poor choices.  This is a time for a family to pull together not to take away from each other.

 

Huge hugs to you for all you are having to deal with right now.  I hope the tide starts to turn for you very soon. 

[Sugarbell]

First of all (((((Hugs))))))

 

Now....I know I can be a hard ass with my kids....I can also be the fun Mom. They know when the switch goes off they are in trouble.

 

Lock up your valuables/purse/money and tell them to GET a JOB for extra money (I believe they are teenagers)

 

Mow lawns, babysit, if old enough go get a summer job at restaurants, etc.

 

Don't coddle them-yea it sucks that their Dad died. Validate there feelings. But it's not an excuse for bad behavior. That card has never worked in my house-even when the kids were little.

 

Tell them it's sink or swim time. You might be shocked at how they rise to the occasion. They are behaving this way because they can. What you allow is what will continue.

 

Sorry-I know I sound harsh....but I leave the "My Dad is dead" emotions to the side when my kids start behaving poorly. They only tried to pull that card the first year or two. Now it's never used. They know it gets them nowhere.

Be a hard ass....Your kids and yourself will be thankful someday.

 

You are not a Doormat.

[Carey]

I just don't even recognize them sometimes.  Yesterday was a disaster.  I told my daughter that I would give her for graduation and her birthday the same thing I got for mother's day.  A post on facebook and I'll take something out of her room that means something to her. We have two boys temporarily staying with us and THEY went out of their way and cooked me a wonderful meal and let me choose a movie to watch with them.  They even suffered through Steel Magnolias. However my kids couldn't be bothered to stay in the room for the whole movie and kept disappearing or getting on their phones. I feel so unloved and not appreciated. And they pull the daddy card.  A LOT. Sometimes its warranted and understandable but many times, it's manipulation.  I try not to keep cash much and use just the debit card, but this time there was a reason I had cash.  I usually have my best friend hold any money I have in cash but didn't this time because he was working odd hours last week and it proved to be awkward to get it when I needed it.  They just have no respect for boundaries. My room, my bathroom, my laptop ...just anything that I'd like to be just mine.

[PhotoJunkie]

I don't agree that they behave this way because they are allowed to get away with it.  My daughter did a lot of what Carey is describing.  Nothing of mine was respected.  She felt it was okay to do whatever she wanted with whatever she wanted to the point of breaking into my room, breaking into locked containers, hacking the computer system when I would change the password to keep her out.  No amount of punishments seemed to work or get through to her that her behavior was not acceptable.  She took advantage of the fact I had to work more hours now that her dad was gone and instead of being responsible she used the time to do things that were unacceptable.  She knew it. 

 

When she got busted at school for her behavior and had to be packed up and moved several states away in a fast manner, I think thats when it hit her.  She is now with my sister (issues not withstanding) and is watched 24/7.  No cell phone, no computer access unless heavily guarded and my sister and BIL are all over her.  This is not a solution that everyone has access too however. 

 

My daughter would also pull the daddy card and I would constantly repeat, yes losing your dad sucks the big one but it is NEVER an excuse for bad behavior and mistreating others. 

 

I was so stressed out all the time from having to live in what I considered a prison.  I couldn't leave my room without having to lock everything up, if I wanted to keep something special, it had to be locked up.  It was very frustrating and hard to deal with on top of everything else. 

 

Honestly I would cancel their phones.  They aren't a necessity at this point and they haven't proven they deserve them.  plus it saves you money   If your like me and like them to have them so that if they have a school thing etc, knock them down to the bare basic phones and confiscate them when they are home. 

 

I am very sorry you are dealing with their nasty behavior on top of everything else   Big Big hugs!!!