Wedding anniversary

[Trying]

Today would have been our 22nd anniversary, my second with out him.  Our 20th was his first day of chemo, a week after he was diagnosed and 4 months before he died. 

 

Last year was so hard because I was reliving all of the events of the year before when he first got sick and that was much worse than dealing with the anniversary.

 

This year I am in a different place, I'm getting ready to move and my focus is on all of the busy, practical details of that right now which is a great distraction and doesn't give me a lot of time for reflection.  De cluttering for the move has brought up some wonderful memories and I've had some drop to your knees moments when the reality of Tim really being gone forever have hit me hard but amazingly I have my moment and then I keep going.  Last year, those moments would lasted for days.

 

I took the day off of work but never made any plans what to do to honor our anniversary.  Now the day is here and I really don't want to do anything.  I really don't know what I'm feeling.  I am so actively working on moving forward and choosing to think about good memories with DH, letting go of anger and regret. I think he would be so proud of the decisions I'm making and the way the boys and I are really coming together. 

 

22 years ago we made a commitment, started our life together and thought it would be forever.  It wasn't always perfect but we loved each other, we made a family and a life together exactly as we planned.  I am so grateful that we had so much time together even if we should've had another 40 years together. I guess my plan for today is gratitude.

 

Thank you for listening to my ramblings.

[Carey]

It's still your anniversary honey.  That can't be taken away from you. Celebrate the bond that was there for so many years and hold tight. Your post is so beautiful, it's obvious the love that you have.

[Wheelerswife]

Hugs, Donna.

 

Sometimes, it is a lot to process, but we don't have to hold onto everything that brings us down.  Still, I think these days help us to remember and sometimes get some perspective.  May you have some really wonderful memories today.

 

Maureen

[Gabzmom]

Wishing you peace.  Our anniversary is in a couple of days and his birthday was the 20th.  I hope you are able to think about the good times/memories.  Be gentle with yourself.

[singinmomo4]

My anniversary was the 20th.  Beautiful words.  ((((HUGS)))) and love to you as you remember your special man and special day. 

[BrokenHeart2]

I hope you had a good progressive day. From your post it sounds like you were in the right track and hope it stayed that way for you. It must have been so difficult at times but hey, we know all about that don't we.

Hugs to you

[Trying]

I had my moments but overall did ok for our anniversary. I talked to 2 old friends who were in our wedding, one I haven't seen in years and the other I only see once or twice a year. I was able to enjoy the memories of our wedding day, there were only a few tears and I didn't go to the dark place I went to last year. 

[MissingSquish]

Sending love and peace to you. I am glad you were able to speak with those people from your wedding and that you were able to relive the happy memories. Go you!