MissingSquish Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Broke it off with ex BF about a month ago, but was trying to still remain friendly with him. We were supposed to go to a movie on the sadiversary this past week, but he cancelled in the morning and then didn't answer my calls. Totally sent me into a tailspin that I haven't quite recovered from. A fellow wid asked me earlier this week if I'd be ok with him dating others, and to be honest, I thought he was just too busy with work and volunteering to make it happen with anyone else. I felt that way until I stumbled upon his match.com profile. Which he had been active on in the last day. I have a thousand emotions going on in my head now. Why did I think that he was ever just too busy? I am sure the reasons he was pulling away from me for months previous to our breakup was because he was looking elsewhere now. I feel like I opened my heart and soul to someone who I trusted with my everything, and he's smashed my trust to pieces. I went on 2 dates with a new guy this week to try and stay busy and keep my mind off things. But when I kissed him, all I felt was confusion, anxiety and grief. I felt defensive and guarded by the second date with this new guy, yet I kissed him anyway. His hands started moving towards my back and waist and underneath my jacket and I started having an internal meltdown. I know I need time, but I feel so intensely lonely and helpless. I am not giving off good dating vibes at this point. Working and staying busy during the week is my only sanity. I am not looking forward to another day off to be honest. Just needing some hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kamcho Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 Thanks for the love Kamcho! We can totally be fitness badasses together this week. I am going to try to get back to walking a bit (hurt my back 2 weeks ago). I am seriously flattered that you are going to do some cardio for me <3. ETA: just went for a 10 minute walk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 You know he's not the right guy for you but that doesn't make a break up an easier. So I am sending you hugs and strength. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 Thanks for the hugs and strength Trying. This shit sucks big time. Hugs right back at you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singinmomo4 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 (((((BIG HUGE HUGS))))))) MS. Seeing your post reminded me that my wedding anniversary and your sadaversary are the same day. I know that was really hard, dealing with sadaversary feelings, breakup feelings, all of it at once. It truly blows. Now my only question is.....how to I get the motivation to become a fitness badass too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest look2thesky Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 MS you have known for so long (he didn't seem like the right one). Hoping you can find the strength to meet new people, and feel good again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 Singinmom04, How crazy is it that your anniversary is the same day as my sadiversary. Insane coincidences. Thanks look2thesky, you are so right. I knew for a while that it wasn't right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singinmomo4 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Singinmom04, How crazy is it that your anniversary is the same day as my sadiversary. Insane coincidences. I know! And to add to the craziness, AnnE's anniversary is also the same day AND year as mine and IronBear's anniversary is the same day as my birthday. Pretty crazy stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 Craziness. Huge hugs at you M. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captains wife Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Sorry MissingSquish - honestly that just sucks. But for a while this person has not seemed to be the best match for you plus he has shown to be unreliable. However, the first break up post widow can be brutal - I have been there. It feels raw, intensely difficult to seperate yourself from this person as you probably opened up to him and also "felt" something again. It is disappointing, frustrating and sad. I think post breakup from my first relationship, I had to take 2 sick days from work (VERY out of character for me) plus I thought I was going to throw up when I saw him on OKC just a day later. But I promise you, you will feel better as time goes on from this - just keep busy and remember you are a great person with alot to offer and the right person will appreciate that !! Its easy to say take a hiatus from dating, but I also understand the loneliness and wanting to move forward. Just take it in babysteps.. and keep it light for now if you do keep dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Ive been in this position, as you know. I was missing what hoped would be. I confused that with missing someone who was not right for me. And it aggravated my grief. Over and over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Thanks CW and Lisapop. Great words of advice given. Thank you. I will keep all of this in mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lmsmdm Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 I don't have any sage words of advise, just sending you hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Thank you lmsmdm, I really appreciate the hugs. Right back at you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 I am so lucky to have such amazing wids around me here. I went to my EMDR therapist last night and did some reprocessing of this and I feel a bit better today. It is a process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarbell Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Sending you big hugs MS (((((((Hugs)))) My experience (and I am mostly thinking here of toxic ex --my 6 month marriage).. we couldn't remain friends or in touch. It wasn't healthy for me at the time. I had no contact..erased and blocked numbers, texts, etc. when we had tried to end it before (Divorced in Oct 2011...but took till Feb 2012 to have NO contact) It sent me spinning..messed with my head. I needed to be busy...I needed people/old and new friends...needed my hobbies and interests back...I needed to date myself. And while dating myself...I began to like myself again. Sorry you are hurting. I know it stings...(((((Stay strong)))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gabzmom Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Glad you sought help to process this. Time will help you, I think. Sending big hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissingSquish Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Thank you SB and Gabzmom. I truly appreciate the support and awesome advice. I've been getting back on the healthy eating/excercise kick. Feeling a bit better day by day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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