PhotoJunkie Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 So I finally made the big move to be with my daughter. Ive been here two weeks. The original plan was to stay at one of those extended stay hotel types, till I could get a house. My house in CA has not sold at this point. After speaking with a loan person, it is possible they will let me purchase a home without it selling due to my credit, ability to handle a down payment, but I have to have a full time job. The vast majority of my stuff is in storage crates. I am currently in a very tiny one room with a kitchenette, with two cats, a very old pug (who may be put down later this week depending on what the vet says about his back legs not working) and for the last two weeks a teenager. Housing market here is ridiculously hot. Houses are selling in days Im confined to a specific school zone here so I would have to purchase a house in my daughters high school zone and no where else. That is the hot zone. Everyone wants to be in that school district apparently and if your kids go to that school you have to be within the zone. No going to which ever school you want here. Apartments have their own issues. My sister is pushing hard for me to get one in her complex. They are nice apartments and accept pets which is a plus. They are a bit more than I want to pay at this time however. My sisters husbands company pays for theirs while they are still trying to sell their house in another state (been almost 2 years) I wouldn't need as big of an apartment as she has, but still the size I need is higher than I wanted. (much higher than a mortgage too) The good thing would be that the girls bus drops her off there anyway. However, I still don't have any signs that my sister is going to be willing to help me with her unless the girl stays with her 5 days a week and I get her on weekends (soooo not going there right now) I don't like living in an apartment. It makes me claustrophobic. I don't like hearing people move around at all hours and IM sure they don't like hearing me. I can't get a promise that I won't have smoking neighbors, which is a big deal because Im very very sensitive. Im a hermit and a night shifter by habit so that plays into it. Also since my husband died, I have become a bit moe paranoid than is necessary due to events that have happened. So living surrounded by people is not something I like. If I get an apartment, I will have to get a minimum year lease as thats the most cost effective. To get a house, I will have to stay here in this place for another 2 months minimum. I have to have a letter from an employer before they will pre approve me and I have to have a minimum 30 days pay checks before we would close. With the housing market so hot right now, I would be pressured into picking the first one that becomes available, or end up staying here much longer than anticipated. The girl is done with high school in two years and who knows whats going to happen after that. Do I want to be stuck in that same school zone once she's gone? I don't know. haven't been here long enough. At the extended stay I pay no utilities, wifi or tv. But I have limited access to the tv channels and the wifi is very very slow. Its a tiny tiny room and I am having a hard time with each passing day. They smoke all over this building. The hall ways are not clean and people do not clean up after their pets. Ive been very strict on making sure I do but apparently Im in the minority. I just don't know what to do. I miss my bed. I miss my couch. I miss having an area to spread out and play games with the girl without having to depend on my sisters house to do so. Given that I moved so much in the last 3 years, the apartment might be the smarter option right now. I hate this. All that runs through my head is "if he was here now, this wouldn't be an issue." or at least I would have someone to bounce it off of. So I pick you guys. Sorry but your stuck being my sounding board and pointing out things I might not be thinking of. I did have a job interview today We will see if they hire me or not. I am open to all ideas at this point. So feel free to weight in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
widowat33 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Having lived in an apartment building before, it would not be my first option. We had to be very conscious about how much noise we made and could hear people all around us. Ours wasn't too bad because the majority in the building were seniors and didn't have loud parties or anything, but it was difficult and I felt like I didn't have a lot of privacy. On the upside of apartment living there are no unexpected expenses, unless you are at fault, and virtually no maintenance to the property. We also rented houses and didn't always get along with our one landlord, and since he lived next door again it felt like we had no privacy. We finally bought our house, ten months before my dh passed away. It makes me sad that we wasted so much time unhappy in our living situations, he had such big plans for this house and really enjoyed having something that was ours. Also depending on your relationship with your sister. Do you feel comfortable knowing she lives really close by, or would you prefer to keep a little distance between the two of you? My family lives close to me and I have been lucky in all the support I've received from them, but sometimes a little distance is nice too. If you are waiting on your house to sell, do you feel comfortable knowing you are paying for two houses? I can't say which is the best option for you. I know personally I prefer my own home. But I also have lived in this area most of my life and love it here, it is also a place where houses sell pretty quickly so I don't think I would have a lot of trouble selling it if I had to. There are so many pros and cons to both situations. Hopefully you can weigh each carefully and come to a decision that works for you, your daughter and your pets! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 First of all I am so glad to hear you made the move to be with your daughter, I know what a big decision that was for you. How is she doing with you being there? I hope you both are feeling more settled and positive about being together. I can understand the aversion to apartment living, I am claustrophobic and need my space and privacy. I'm wondering though with all of the changes you have been making if buying something is not in your best interest right away. A little time renting while you find and start a new job and get the old house sold might help,you make a more informed decision. There are so many factors you have to consider but the most important thing is being back with your daughter which is great! I wish you the best of luck,with the adjustment, the job search and your living situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 What about renting a house for at least the.2 yrs she is in school then take it from thee? Best of luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoJunkie Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 Since I can't sleep House rental is about 1600/month on average for this area. The offerings on homes for rent in the school district I need to be in are very slim. Then add all the utilities, internet, tv etc. But No storage fees to store my stuff Commute time to work could be up to 30 min depending on where I go. House mortgage is being quoted around 650-850 depending on house price and how much is put down. Then add utilities, internet, tv etc. also like someone mentioned extra "surprise" expenses that come with owning a home. Again no storage fees. commute time still at 30 min roughly Apartment rental is anywhere from 750-1000+ (not much over with the options I am looking at) and depending some come with washer/dryers, others come with hookups or you can rent a set for around 45 a month. Some utilities will be required as well as tv and internet. Will end up with a storage unit and those monthly fees. Commute time is 15 minute from either apartment complex Staying at the extended stay right now is costing me 350 a week, but that drops once Ive been here 30 days and have "residency status" I can also drop it another 10 a day if I am willing to commit to a 60 day stay. however the size is not comfortable to live in. No oven either. I don't trust the wifi here so I go to my sister's to do any banking etc. paying storage fees Commute time is 15 min If I keep it under 1K a month i should be okay for a while. Getting an apartment while my old house sells will probably keep my nest egg in tact more than say if I put a down payment on a house but the other house hasn't sold. Getting a job will help a lot as well which I am working on. So far we are doing fine. There are a TON of complications revolving around my daughter and where she will stay. Right now I do not want her staying here in the hotel room. No privacy, no place to do homework etc. Just not a good environment while she is in school. So far though we are really enjoying being with each other. Its only been two weeks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Best of luck to you and your daughter Photojunkie. Sounds like dilemma for sure. I. Hope you find a nice little house for both of you to find peace and happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virgo Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I've never lived in an apartment, so I can't really comment on that. It doesn't sound very appealing though. Like you, I like my space. I wouldn't want to deal with others all of the time. The smokers would really bother me too. Is your relationship with your sister still a little strained? Would staying with them for awhile be an option? That way you could be with your daughter more and save money to put toward a house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I am so glad you're there - big hugs for doing what you needed to do! Do you know you want to be in that city for the five years or so it usually takes to make buying make sense? You almost can't build equity worth talking about in less time than that, and I don't know if it's clear yet where your daughter goes in two years. And it is so much tougher to sell a house than to give notice. I think that if I were in your shoes, I would rent an apartment, or with your preferences maybe rent a house. Being able to walk over to your sister's place would be super convenient for me, but I can't fully grok the set of emotions that might stir up in you :-) Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvmy2babies Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 When we moved was the first time I had to look for a place in over 15 years. It was really hard to decide what to do. I remember living in apartments with my mom; but we lived in a small town and two apartments shared at most one wall. I never remember hearing anything from the other unit. Now, where we live not only are they are stacked 3 stories or more, there might also be a unit on two sides. I ended up renting a townhouse. Any of those near you? They are side by side; but I don?t hear a peep from anyone and I?m figuring (hoping) they don?t hear anything from us. I have a landlord; but they use a property manager and that is who I have all of my contact with. Buying wasn?t an option for me honestly. First few years of widowhood damaged my credit quite a bit. But I actually didn?t want to buy a house because my daughter just finished 6th grade and it is likely I will need to move again when she begins high school so that she will be able to walk home. I didn?t want to get too far away from sitters with this move because my daughter isn?t ready to look after my son a whole lot yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sphoc Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 I don't know how useful any of these thoughts are, but here goes: WiFi at the extended stay: can you contact your mobile provider and see about getting WiFi hotspot device? That way you get Internet and don't have to rely on your sister. Knowing you, I don't think you'd want to be in an apartment. The noise, especially during the day if you're trying to sleep because you're working nights, might be too much. I'm with Rob and brokenheart2 on renting a house, especially since the girl only has two more years of school. If you and she don't want to stick around STL after that, you can give notice and be gone. Yes, it's more expensive in the short run, but like Rob said, you have to consider the costs of buying a house and the likelihood of getting that back in two years. Yes, it's a hot market, but are prices going to go up that much in two years? The NY Times put out a really good rent vs. buy calculator that you might want to look at: http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/upshot/buy-rent-calculator.html?_r=0&abt=0002&abg=0. Personally, I would be inclined to rent rather than buy if you end up stuck with the other house not selling. And if you need or want to move in a hurry, it's a lot easier and cheaper to break a lease (usually at most you'll be dinged for 3 months rent, but check the lease and state law), then all the expenses and potential for being upside down if you need to sell a house quickly. And while it's more expensive upfront to rent, you will get to know the area and be in a better position to know where you want to live later. Don't think of it as throwing away money - in this case, it's investing in your future and what's best for you in the long run. Oh, and maybe... maybe look around to find a house that is a lease-with-option-to-buy? So you rent for now, but if you like the house and area and you decide you want to stay there, the owner can take what you've been paying in rent towards the purchase price of the house. And your sister... (as I look for my boots and your sister's shins)... I really don't know what to say. I wish she'd stop with her control issues and this I'll-help-but-only-if-you-do-what-I-say crap. Yes, you have to work with her, but she shouldn't be trying to run the show. It's your kid, for crying out loud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoJunkie Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 Renting a house in this area is not going to be possible. The prices are insane and about what I pay for my house in CA so Im looking for something cheaper till that sells. I could always move from an apartment to a house rental once my house in CA is sold. I can't float two house payments of that size though so apartment or purchasing is the options Im stuck with right now. We went and saw an apartment today and as much as I hate to, Im going to talk to my sisters apartment as well to compare. There are big pluses for being in the same complex for my daughter, and she is the most important part of this piece. She would only have to worry about one bus stop instead of keeping track of which day she is going where. She already lives here so the transition to my place (if that even happens) would be a lot easier. She wouldn't be far from either me or her aunt. So there are some definite positives to living in the same complex. A bit tougher for me but I have lived through worse so I would just go with it. I did get the job I interviewed for yesterday. They called me this morning and offered me the position. The pay is way less than Im used to, but had expected it to be in the area they gave me. I don't start till the 7th of July so I have time to find an apartment, move in and get settled without having to add work stress to that mix. It seems like Im being pushed towards an apartment without even trying. The apartment we looked at today was nice once I got over my hate of apartments. It would be an upper floor and as sphoc pointed out to me, upper means nobody walking on my ceiling while Im trying to sleep so thats a huge plus. It is also right next to the police department and one of the apartments had a PD view Not seeing the bad part there lol. There is a bus stop for Emily as well so she can easily get to and from school. Its within walking distance of the mall and barnes and noble (mall not important...book store important ) it was very quiet and I felt nicely kept up. Will be speaking with my sisters apartment complex this afternoon. They have some things the other didnt so who knows. A lot has happened this morning and Im admitting to you guys Im in overwhelmed mode. We take my mom to the airport this afternoon, I am getting emails from the new job about all the things I have to get going for them, laundry needs to be done and now we are talking apartments. *sigh* To answer Rob, I do not know what I want to be doing in 5 years. This state is very different than what I am used to. I finally noticed the other day there are no mountains. Its weird not seeing them. I feel like the last several moves have been rushed and I possibly should have rented first instead of buying right away. because of the many unknowns right now maybe renting an apartment is something that for now is the middle between a house and a hotel room. The other apartment has a lease option for 8 months which actually would be just about right. I dunno. So much to consider. Only my one poor brain to work it all out in. I do appreciate all the input and welcome more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carey Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 VERY happy that you got the job and are finally there with your baby girl. You're making HUGE strides!! Look for an end unit too if you can so you're not squashed between two others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linda5 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 First, congratulations on making the move to be with your daughter. Secondly, congrats on getting the job! I can imagine having to make this decision on where to live quickly is causing way to much stress on you. To help decide, I'd get a piece of paper and write the pros and cons for apartment rental, then house ownership. Then see how you feel. (Don't forget to look at the size of the lot if looking at homes, because every week when I have to go out and cut the grass and do yardwork, I'm pissed! I hate sweating in this humid heat and my yard is too big!) I know you'll make the best decision for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobFTC Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 Awesome news about the job! I know that overwhelmed feeling. You'll get there! Take care, Rob T Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lmsmdm Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 There are small mountains (the ozarks)not terribly far away, if that helps. Have you considered an apartment in a house vs a complex? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PhotoJunkie Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 Warning: I hit self implode mode a few hours ago and Im severely overwhelmed. Everything moved way to fast today and I don't have a quiet place to reorient etc. I talked with my sisters apartment complex. They are way nicer than the first ones we saw today and my mom figured out that by the time you add on all the "extra" fees between the two, they were almost the same price. These are much bigger, have a hardwood type flooring (which is fabulous for my allergies) offer super cheap storage options etc etc etc. So I signed up. The problem is that in order to avoid another huge weekly fee at the hotel Im staying at, I have to move in on Thursday. So I have one day to figure it out. Its going to be a fun day Tonight I'm going to make my lists and try to get organized. I have a vet appointment for my pug on Thursday. Right before we left CA he was having problems with his hips. I took him to the vet after coming home and finding him unable to get up. After dealing with a very judgmental veterinarian, I came home with pain [ills and anti inflammatories. The vet said if those didn't work, she would recommend a neurologist consult (for a 13 year old pug. *sigh*) well after the long trip here he has been getting steadily worse and now can't even use the bathroom without his hind quarters giving out on him and I have to physically put him back on his feet. The dog is 13. He is mostly blind..mostly if not all deaf, poor teeth (caused before I adopted him) etc. There will be no neurology appointment. My guess is I will have to put him down. I would want someone to do that for me at this stage in the game. But he has been my dog love for 10 years. I rescued him despite my husbands objections and I have never regretted it even though he drives me batty at times. Its just very sad. Back to the apartment...I think this is the best idea. I have some very negative feelings towards it and how close it is to my sister and in a petty moment the fact that it is EXACTLY like my sisters is painful, however Walmart here has an entire bathroom set up in Batman so that is going to be my moving in present to myself (Those on FB with me will understand) Im supposed to start school in August for my Bachelors so I will be moved in and settled with both work and home before adding that stress. It will give me time to pay off the move and get my finances back in order before looking into houses and I won't feel pressured into taking the first house that comes on the market. Its not my preferred option by any means but it does solve some problems and gives me a "home" feel. Thanks everyone for your thoughts. It made it easier to sign after getting it all out and having ideas bounced around. Now if only Jon bon Jovi was hiding in the closet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrokenHeart2 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Wow! Amazing progress. Sorry to hear about your pug. Hope he/she is ok. Keep on keeping on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trying Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 It sounds like a great compromise and nothing permanent so you can take take time to figure out long term after you get the rest of your work, school, and family life more settled. I'm so impressed by your forward progress. Good luck with getting settled and big huge hugs for you and your pup 😔 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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