Interesting article about Social Isolation

[RyanAmysMom]

Interesting article about Social Isolation - I'm pretty sure that's what Ive been doing.......

Anybody else?

 

https://whatsyourgrief.com/social-isolation/

[Trying]

I've made social isolation into an art form for the last 4 1/2 years!  I'm not sure when it went from self preservation to unhealthy.  I'm not sure now how change the pattern.

[Eddienhp]

I am definitely socially isolated! I can't help it. Two kids now 11 & 8, one of whom has special needs, work, household maintenance, etc. I have no time. I do spend weekend time with the kids. I invite their friends to join us but not many respond due to busy schedules. It's the life I have to live now. The kids won't be young forever.

 

Eileen

[tybec]

I am definitely socially isolated! I can't help it. Two kids now 11 & 8, one of whom has special needs, work, household maintenance, etc. I have no time. I do spend weekend time with the kids. I invite their friends to join us but not many respond due to busy schedules. It's the life I have to live now. The kids won't be young forever.

 

I knew I was but didn't know it was a "thing."  After DH died suddenly, just working full time, having an 8 yr. old and my elderly mother to care for, didn't lend to social time.  And then all my friends got busy, too, with their kids' activities.  Our mom group fell apart.  I became addicted to social media as a form of socializing which does not cut it, I know. 

 

My son does it, too.  He doesn't invite friends over.  Just on line stuff.  His activities are at school and then home, and then quiet.  I hate that.  Our whole world is doing it to some extent.

 

NG is the same. He divorced, moved to town his ex took the kids and works all the time.  He volunteers and goes to his kids' activities, but does not have a group of close friends per se. I told him we needed to go to a Super Bowl party he was invited to because he needed to socialize, and we did. 

 

When you work full time (or others do), and you have kids, and you have a home to maintain, where and when? 

 

I get it.  I wish I knew the answer. New home town for me, so forming close bonds will take a while anyway. 

 

It is hard....

[Portside]

Let's see:

 

Kids

Caring for a house/apt

Work

Church

Grocery shopping and cooking

Laundry

Keeping the car in good repair

etc.

 

(almost forgot - sleep)

 

Unless it's pathological, didn't we use to call this *really busy*?

 

Mike

[Adley]

Definitely in the club...

[twistedmensa]

I have turned it into lifestyle. Sigh.

[Peony]

I second what Portside said! I always thought that I was just busy. Being a good mom even, if you will. It has taken my kids growing up to make me realize that I am just really detached from the rest of the world. Good intentions or not. I do feel the isolation more in the winter too. I am trying to make an effort though to come back out into the light. I know I have to but it is so hard to do. In some way or another Isolation = Safety!

[LTSLforever]

I have not posted much but I am going to try to get more involved.  I have a severe case of social isolation.  It is not because of responsibilities or being busy.  It is due to death, depression and being hurt so badly by my own sisters.  Peony09 - when I read your words "in some way or another social isolation = Safety" - that is exactly how I feel.  I am at the point where I don't trust or believe in anyone (except for my therapist and my feline children).

[imissdow]

For the last 20 years i have had a job that was very isolating, it was fine, i came home to family and friends, got out regularly. Now not so much, changed jobs thought, ill be around people. Yes but they dont talk to me, im still alone. Starting a new part time job in a week. Hoping for some conections. I need to be around people, i think thats why im so very depressed.

[Peony]

Hugs to you LTSLforever, I completely get you!

 

As Trying pointed out, the first stage of isolation is completely about self-preservation. Isolating to keep yourself safe and protected is not only valid, but necessary.  Especially when there are complicating factors involved.

 

Your willingness to get more involved says a lot about your resilience though.  You are truly inspirational and your words will resonate with more readers than you'll ever know!

[Elle]

I found the article interesting as well.  Thinking about the before and after; and if there are any changes about myself.  Not quite sure if I fit into this category of social isolation.

 

When my DH was alive I was active in many ways- held a fulltime job, volunteered in civic groups, managed some of the household things, and  babysat grandchild occasionally.  I also made sure that the last few years I did more things with my DH before he died.  I knew his time on earth was short.  His passing was expected.  I was more at loose ends after his first heart attack than when he actually died.  If that makes sense.

 

My DH was not very social, although he kept brief contact with his own extended family.  Partly because he was tired after coming home from work.  We did fun things while on vacations and visited relatives as well.  DH was closest to his large family than friends and we went to BBQs reunions to see them once a year.  Other than that, it was pretty much just the two of us.  We got along well.  I had outside interests in certain civic groups which he had no problem with.  I was averaging about 5 hours a week with the groups.  This is the biggest change that I have made now.  I plan to stay as a member, but limit my involvement.  Because I put so much time into these civic groups, I did less with my home.  Now I want to personalize my home, and make some improvements.

 

 

 

[candace0902]

This really hit home for me.  I have always been somewhat of a loner (preferring my stuffed and then real animals to groups.  Back in the day, most women were stay at home moms and would all gather with kids for adult conversation and guidance. 

 

I know the first 2 years after  losing DH suddenly  that this was pretty normal. but at 6 years, I should be so much farther along in becoming more social.  Bering in that safe place means no more sudden bad news; no panic or alarm.  Its quiet and calm and I am beginning to think of it as an addiction.  I am involved in a few volunteer groups, and love doing that but all my coworkers are just that; coworkers who we chat with during break and lunch but no one I feel I could call in case of an emergency.